Friends of Mine

At the age of 40, I am left wondering, what is a friend?  I think I know, I mean, good gracious, everyone knows what a friend is, right?  I posted something three years ago and now I have the answer to my questions, or most of them.  It's sad.  I'm very very sad.  Maybe it was as plain as the writing on the wall.  Maybe I should have followed my instincts and it cannot end well now.

This person has hurt me so many times, time and time again, yet I care for them still.  Maybe I always will.  Maybe it's a sad farewell to something that means a lot to me.  And that is life, hello's and goodbye's.  Seasons of friendships, comings and goings.  I've pretty much accepted it now and I will not stoop to that level, so I hold my tongue continually and pray.  We are very damaged for all we've been through and it would take a lot to repair it.  I'm not certain, I'm just not certain it ever will be repaired.  I can tell that there is hurt on both sides but it's quietly just done now.  Probably best in the end, we can't keep this up, at least my heart can't keep it up anymore.  The trust is gone and once that happens, it's time to move forward and leave everything behind. 

-On the other hand, I do have some very close friends who are fabulous and I am lucky to have in my life.  I will cherish those wonderful people with all I have.  I count myself blessed and lucky to have them.  They know who they are and I love them with all my heart.  I love fully, that's how I am.  I am open when I care for someone because life has taught me to be that way.  So with my heart so fully out in the open, it's bound to get a nick or two, or a slice or two now and then. 

To everything there is a season and just like the wind rustling in the trees as Summer fades to Fall, so has this cherished friendship done the same.  I am always learning lessons in this life.  In my favorite thing I love to say, 'as it should be...as it should be'. 

Jenn