I remember....

-I remember getting up almost every hour or two each night and rocking you in the rocking chair in your room. Looking out between the shades and the window through that just big enough crack that I could peek out into the dead of night to see what I could see. Usually nothing. Usually all houses had all lights out and the night sky was as dark as dark could be but I was like a cat ready to pounce on a mouse for any activity as you ate and fell asleep in my arms.
-I remember feeling like a zombie many nights and days with little to no sleep as I tried to keep up with your demands on the world. The demands that only a baby could make on a mamma. The demands that a newborn makes on everyone around him. Sometimes I felt like I was sleeping with my eyes open but with a smile on my face, endurance was key.
-I remember your cry. I remember that you didn't do it that much so when you did, I paid prompt attention. Something was wrong. You were never a baby who was overly fussy. You're like that today too. It followed you to 'fourdom'. When you cry, I stop what I'm doing and get to you. You're a tough kid. I've seen you take a fall that made me cringe and get up and quickly say "I'm ok Mom" and never skip a beat.
-I remember how I loved holding you. And listening to your coo's. And how you grew so fast. Faster than I thought possible. And now, I look around, and I realize, there are no more babies in this house. All the pacy's are gone. All the diapers and pull ups are long gone. The baby bottles seem like a million years ago, did you ever drink them? Yes, of course you did. The sweet babbles and adorable baby laugh....thing of the past. To be cherished of course, but no longer around.
-I remember how I thought I could not love you more, I loved you so much when you were tiny. I thought I loved you more than any mother loved any other baby or child. I was wrong. I love you more now. Is it possible? Yes, I think it is. To have watched you turn into a rambunctious kid who goes to the fine line and back, gives his older brother a run for his money, a kid who doesn't mind sharing and uses his manners pretty good for a kid his age, it makes my heart proud. You're going to be ok Little one, I really think you will.

The Littlest has turned four today and we made a day of it. The beach for a few hours, a swim in the pool to cool down after, and Mexican for dinner with a little cake at home to top it all off, I'd say that was a wonderful family filled day all to celebrate you and your little life. I can't wait to see what the next year brings for you. I'm sure you'll try to keep up with your big brother the whole time. Love that. Love you.

Mamma.