See this little bugger? Yeah, well this picture does NOT do him justice. The one that was in my house today was HUGE like I think he was the grand daddy of them all. Stick with me here, these are my truths I tell, they might be all 'my fish was this big I swear' truths but nonetheless, they are my truths.
He was aggressive. Flew right at us. It was just me and the boys. Daddy at work. I could do it. I could be brave. I could kill him. ....snicker snicker snort snort..... I got a roll of newspapers and I told the Oldest to hold the hand of the Littlest. You must know, it's only fair if you do, that I have completely and utterly taught my Oldest son to be afraid of bugs. I know it. I cannot deny it. So today I had to really be brave. As my sister says, 'get the straw out and suck it up' and just kill the bad boy. So I go for it. I lunge for him. I'm skipping a lot of the funny details because really (and you'd laugh) I have no time for this right now, this telling of the story. Maybe later I can fill in the blanks but for now, I need to tell you the quick and dirty. I lunge for him. What does he do? He does an air attack and lunges back. Comes right at me. I do what any normal person (or mom maybe) would do and I run screaming. So much for not conveying my fear to my oldest son. Ahem. The Littlest, well, we could all learn a lesson from him. He loved the mack daddy wasp. He jumped for joy and yelled with glee and ran RightUpToHim. I screamed more. Ran holding my breath (why, I don't know) goosebumps and all, grabbed his little arm as the thing was right in his space, praying he could not smell my fear and come after me, I then grab the Oldest' arm and we fly out the front door. What to do, what to do, what to do? Think, think, think. He's in OUR house. We're out in thousand degree heat afraid of HIM. I need in that house. I have things to do. More thinking. More panicking. Aha! I'll call my Dad! Yes. Great idea! Where's my phone? OMG it's in the house with the thing. More thinking, quick fast, thinking. Ok, I'll take one for the team, I'll go in and get the phone. Well, what choice do I have? I imagine him waiting behind the door snickering in mid air just waiting for my return so he can sting me to death. I run fast. I get the phone, run outside and frantically call my Dad. I'm out of control at this point, the Littlest is already sweating and the Oldest is telling me to grab a knife. ?? And saying "Oh my God." (which he never ever says and I've already corrected him twice in the house but clearly he cannot help himself. Clearly he is freaked. I am very likely not helping matters with my eratic behavior. Yes, he answers, "Dad where ARE you?" Good Lord, I hope he's at home, close by. No, he's at the golf course. What do you need honey? Oh I tell him the story, he's getting good chuckles I'm very sure. Dad to the rescue, he's on his way.
The boys are in the yard, my mind is still racing a mile a minute, almost in disbelief that I could not handle this little problem. I keep telling them to stay in the shade of the tree. Come on listen to me I've said a hundred times already, no fun allowed right now, come OVER here. Suddenly I hear a noise. A shushing sound, low at first, then louder and louder and I realize I see water in the air, OMG the sprinkers are coming on. "Get OUT of the yard get OVER HERE you two!" The Oldest is frightened and he comes at me 50 mph leaving the Littlest in the dust. To.Get.Wet. Soaked. With well water. Nice. Ok, what can you do, he needed a little cooling off, he'll get a bath after lunch. Ten minutes later his big truck comes roaring up the court where all three of us are sweating our a**es off. He goes in the house, sees the big beast, follows it upstairs, corners him in a room, closes the door and we hear this horrendous noise lots of stomping and Thank God, he did save the day. The Great Black Wasp was dead. Finally.
Thanks Dad for stopping what you were doing to come save the day. Don't you DARE ever say that was small wasp. Far as I'm concerned, it was the biggest one in history. Well, my history anyway. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Back to my day. Clearly I DID have time for the details. Phew.
-Jenn
8 comments:
We seem to have a little bug problem in our apartment too... it's no fun. I have to be the big girl because my roommate cannot kill them - she's kinda like you with bugs - minus the shrieking. Anyways, funny story - I could picture this all happening.
Love you!
I was just at Catalina, and they seem to have an epidemic of these guys! We were eating at a restaurant and at the other end there were about 3-4 of them.
Thankfully they didn't seem overly aggressive, as one landed on me and I freaked. It just flew off as if it's used to that reaction!
Thanks for The Smile.
I love your Blogg.
Have a great Summer.
Carol Sue
There is one of these bad boys in my home right now. I was up very late last night (~2 AM), heard a buzzing noise (realized some type of insect was in the room), got up to look for it...saw one of these huge things clinging to the trim on the pantry door. Holy goodness, I ran out the room. Terribly mistake! When I went back to kill it (with help), we couldn't find it. So I have no idea what to do. It's in the house, but lord knows where. Any idea how long these things can live?? I'm hoping it will just die on its own. Is that wishful thinking?
I have done some research on these "Great Black Wasps" and haven't found any of the answers I'm looking for. All of the sites state these are burrowers, so if this being the case, why do I have a "colony" living in the folds of my outside umbrella? In each fold, there are 3 to 6 of them. The don't seem aggressive but I'm not going to press my luck. I guess I'm not opening my umbrella until winter gets here... Any idea why they are living in the folds instead of in the ground like they are supposed to?
I killed a large solitary one outside my house 20 minutes ago. As big as what's in your picture but with some yellow marking on the abdomen too. It was dusk, it was burrowing into the ground near where I sit outside, but I knew if I let it live, in tomorrow's sunshine it would be out and frisky. So I got the Raid, fast.
I've got a rule, indoors or out, with those creatures: if you invade my personal space -which is about eight feet in any direction- the sentence is death. No appeals, no pardons. I'm in Virginia, and in summer, wasp & hornet is as much a staple in the house as light bulbs and liquid Tide.
I am just now reading all of your comments and I am laughing. How many years later, I am laughing. This was an all time funny story in my life with my boys. I must say. I love re reading about it. That is why I love writing here. It better be here forever so they can come back and read the crazy times we had when they were growing up. Said with more love than I can ever bear! <3 --Also, we are in Virginia too, and yes, these wasps are BRUTAL. They scare me half to death! Smiling though...Jenn
We have these all the time in my small town, I did research years back on them since I have a phobia of them. In the summer I refuse to go outside until someone else has examined it to make sure no large insects are outside.
Funny thing is that it's exceptionally RARE for these buggers to be aggressive! Though they don't build colonies they do build "groups" which just means instead of 3,000-5,000 of em there's usually only 1-10.
I've never been stung ever in my life and don't intend to, so number one tip is to not scream. Believe it or not I've walked passed out without freaking and it didn't even notice me, but on the other hand other occasions left me screaming and THEN only after I screamed did it fly towards me. Don't scream, don't run and just stay calm.
The old saying "they can smell your fear" has a little truth to it!
Regardless of all the information I have on these I still exterminate them when I see them.
OH! Fun fact! The big ones(1inch-3inches) are all females! The males don't grow bigger then an inch if even that
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