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| My goal |
SO when I say to the Littlest, "If you hit, punch, or kick your brother again, you will go to your room for five minutes!" (and this is not a relatively harsh punishment, I acknowledge) and he hits, punches, or kicks his brother, then I absolutely MUST follow through with what I said. I don't try to help him weasel out by asking what the circumstances were, or sticking it to the Oldest for how he might have incited the physical outburst from the Littlest, I simply enforce what I said. And that, initiates all out war. The Littlest yells, cries, fights like heck going to his room. After 5-8 minutes of that battle and getting him into this room, I lay down the parameters and he is SO angry. Oh he is spitfire and so very independent. That is an understatement. As I leave his room (three times in two days) he is yelling and screaming and its bad. But I calmly leave and have said what I needed to say. He absolutely cannot stand being in his room as a punishment and loses it. As he yells from his room over and over again, missing the point of his presence (as a normal four year old would) there, I try to remain calm but feel the angst rising, rising. He yells, "I want out of this room!! I want out of this room!" over and over and over and over again. I tune him out for a bit but then I'm not made of steel, and I slowly walk back to his room and close his door, which further incites him. The only words I say then are, "please stop crying or I will close this door" and finally, he gets it. Quiet. So then I simply say, "the longer you yell and cry, the longer you'll be in here, your five minutes will begin when you quiet down." ---"sniff sniff", wiping tears with back of hands, he looks at me and he gives me a fraction of a pseudo smile (and I do mean a fraction of a fraction) and I knew then I had gotten through to him.
As the next few moments passed with silence in the house, I knew he was thinking about what he did. I didn't even make him wait a whole five minutes, I waited long enough that probably felt like five minutes to him, and went in his room. We talked quietly about how to use his words instead of his actions and he said he understood and gave me a hug. He went downstairs to give his brother a hug and apologize. I think all of that took a good solid 20-25 minutes maybe...very very draining. It would have been WAY easier to not make him go to his room. You have no idea. But I didn't give him the easy way out, what would that accomplish? Nothing. This was the first of three very similar incidents lately. So even though he said he understood, hugged me and all ended well, this happened two more times. I wonder how many times it will take till he gets it? I suppose it doesn't matter. I told him this same exact thing will happen every time he acts out against his brother but now I have added a twist. As my husband has pointed out, the Littlest keeps getting in trouble, but the Oldest who likely behind the scenes starts trouble out of our line of vision can't seem to manuever out of the muddy waters. It always ends poorly. Here's my twist...the next time this happens they BOTH get in trouble and go to their room. The announcement of this brings shock and disbelief from the Oldest. The nerve! WT? Not fair! Why? Whatever! Mmm hmmm. Now we have something that might stick. We shall see.
The things that are guiding me.....stay calm (yes my voice gets loud, and I get upset but in my head, I'm talking myself through it and I remain as calm as I can in the situation), stay consistent, and follow through. He hugs me every time. I know he loves me madly. I also know he is a little bull and has an extremely hot temper. He did NOT get that from his Daddy. I suppose maybe he got it from me but I'd have to ask my mom, I don't even think I was that hot headed when I was little. We are in for it. I know that. Hopefully if I set the rules in stone now, it won't be as bad later. If we are proactive and prep now, maybe by then, when the wild and wooly 12-16 years come, it'll be better. He's not bad, and for others, he's pretty well behaved. This is the true side of the Littlest when we are all at home and he is in his comfort/safe zone. The real Littlest. :) I love him so, or I wouldn't be doing all this. That is for sure.
Sometimes I just take a deep breath and get through it. Hold on for the ride and have faith in the Lord. In the end, it works. At the end of the day, that's all I can really ask for, and I PRAY they appreciate it later. Both he and the Oldest, I pray they do. Its not easy and while they think I'm mean now, I hope later, they understand why..and I hope they see the pieces of my heart all over them because that's how much I love them.
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