Breathing Life

I know there is a secret to it all. Sometimes its blindingly hard to see. Sometimes it's blindingly obvious; can't be ignored. I know with all my soul I am where I am supposed to be. Doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It has nothing to do with my profession, not yet. It has everything to do with my boys. And Lucas. The lack of him. His spirit in Heaven.

I often feel a warmth and understanding for others that I know I did not have5-7 years ago. It's life. It teaches and warns and all the while can seem cruel and unfair; heartbeats after happiness existed in that same spot. It balloons and puffs up with energy and truth but sometimes we move so fast, too fast, we cannot slow down and see the truth. See what we could be doing instead of feeling and thinking the whole 'woe is me' stuff. If you tried in all the world, you could not go out and find a bag of stress. On the converse you could not go out and find a bag of happiness. They are completely intangible. Stress is something we induce upon ourselves and allow to take over our lives. A stress headache, stress induced sickness, it's all what are thinking in our heads, or allowing ourselves to be consumed with. No one gets a happiness headache or happiness induced headaches. We let the stress beat us up and take away our lives.

I breathe life into the boys. I breathe life into myself. It's a choice and I'm glad to do it. Even when life has been tough, unimaginable at times, I have chosen not to fall or cave completely. My choice. I had a little tiny control over that in the end. Give me the warmth, the laughter, give me the smile to a stranger, or the offer to help someone with their groceries. I do those things and I think what goes around comes around.

It's a nice thought.