It's Funny..

It's funny how difficult things can draw you closer or pull you apart from the one you love the most in the world. It's funny isn't it? When you are going through tough times that no one even knows about, just the two of you, it can be stressful. Things escalate. Feelings get hurt. Everyone's edgy. You feel like the bottom has to fall out any minute now and yet, you keep it all together. Somehow you become stronger. Where does it come from, this strength? Is that what love does?

Relationships are not easy. They aren't perfect and sometimes not even close. Then out of the blue you realize the glue that binds you is stronger than the heat that melted it; the glue will re coagulate. It always does. When things cool off.

We've lost jobs. We've lost a child. We've had a miscarriage too. We've lost parents. We've fought. Our disagreements are full of high passion. Our agreements are as calm as the bay on a sunny afternoon-and that's most of the time. It's a good mix. How can you love more deeply after all of these things? Why is that? I'm clueless. We could have let the losses knock us down. I could right now not be trusting with all my heart. I could have walked away after we buried Lucas. Here I sit. In this wonderful place we've made a home. I stayed in this life. Times are tough and the change is here but so am I. I haven't wavered or flinched, I am just standing strong. So there you go. Maybe it's the grace of God. I don't really know.

I'm a doey eyed romantic who loves loves loves when the guy gets his girl or the girl gets her guy. I love all those movies and books where the ending is happy and they stuck it out and made it through. It's pure rock solid resolve.

Today I had a Terrible, No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day. It was just one of those days. I left work, ran my errands, and came home to a man, my best friend, who took care of me. He told me to lay down for a while and he covered me head to toe, almost literally in blankets and tucked pillows around me and with the gray rainy day outside the windows, he kissed my nose and I fell away from the world for a minute. Feeling utterly loved. It didn't matter. It didn't matter what was wrong or the problems of the day; he was there and just made it better. I am quite lucky. I hope he knows I know that. WE are quite lucky. Now to go about giving some of that back to the world.............................. that's the easy part.