Life

The fact is, we will all die. It will be sad. This sounds callous but you know, I'm not trying to be. It's just true. We are all alive and we will all die. The day will come.

I'd just like to think when my day comes, I won't be hating anyone or feeling cold or angry about anything. I don't think I do 'hate' anyone so I might not be in that boat; I hope that I'm not. I can only answer for myself. This is all I can do.

When the time comes for my life to be over, I want to be content, maybe afraid for a minute but content and knowing the beauty that will come. I want to know those that I'm leaving behind are ok. This is all I'll want.

Life can be a funny thing. You have to appreciate what you have instead of yearning for what you don't have. How much time you might not have. All the things you didn't get to buy or you might not have. The grass is not always greener. This I fully know. I have learned this lesson many times over. And each time it happens in my life, that moment when I say, "the grass is not always greener why am I surprised again?" it's like a new aha moment and full confirmation comes flooding in. Yes, I knew that. And I'm ok with it. Learn learn learn and let grace and dignity come with it.

Death is no one's friend. And you can get life so wrong. But for me, I hope I have the wisdom to get some of it right. This is all I'm saying. I pray a lot. We say prayers at night with the Oldest. Even in our prayers we teach. It's a very humbling few moments each night. To hear the innocence...and how we must all pray together...this is mandated by the Oldest. If I get one thing right, I hope it's how we parent. If I get one thing wrong, I won't be able to control it from the front end but I hope I'm smart enough to see it from the back end and try to fix it. I get lots of things wrong. I do. I just do.

Life. So big picture. But really, notsomuch.