How Many Children Do YOU Have?

How about this mentality? A family member, one who herself has lost a son, says to me in these exact words minus the "other family member" part; in it's place you can insert an actual name, "Oh, so and so other family member says your second son is so handsome and looks just like his Daddy." To this I am confused. I say back to her, "Are you speaking of Lucas?" Irritatingly back to me she says, "No, I'm talking about the Littlest, your second son." Ok, before I go any further, let me tell you that this person is a CLOSE family member. Like her tongue should fall out of her mouth for saying such a thing she is such a close family member. I say calmly, sternly, and solidly, "No, Lucas is our second son and the Littlest is our third son." And she even more irritatingly says back, "No, that's not how you look at it, he's gone so the Littlest is now your second son." {big gasp and lungs fill with air and don't move again for several seconds} Quietly, strongly, but oh so loudly (it's all in your delivery), I say back to her, "NO, LUCAS is our second son, and the Littlest is our third son, there is no other way to look at it." And finally she clicks her tongue and is quiet. She skips two beats and keeps right on talking about something different.

What do you say? And me, I show the respect. I say nothing else. I am quiet. I do not rock the boat with this ignorant person. So ignorant that she wants to defend the other stupid family member who knows nothing of us, nothing really, not one thing, she would rather defend that person than side with me or the voice of reason just to be right in the conversation and probably later to get off the phone and cite one more reason why I am a horrible family member myself for showing no respect and being so ingratiating I'm sure. To play the martyr I have a wild guess is more dignified and cinematically dramatic than to simply say "I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking, of course you are right, Lucas does matter, just because he has died does not meant he suddenly never existed."

See people? And this is a family member. Someone close. What do other people think? I surely cannot know now. Anything I thought I knew is now washed away. Follow me here-----So the mother who had seven children and lost the sixth one now the youngest and seventh child who is still alive that now makes the original seventh child now the sixth and the original sixth never existed? Really?

I almost cannot even believe she said it to me. I mean seriously, I think my mind made it all up; the entire conversation, the fact that the phone even rang with her on the other end, it all must surely have been a dream. Sadly........ it wasn't.

Let me set the record straight. I have three boys. I have been pregnant four times, miscarried once but have only had three children. My second son who was alive, living and breathing for ten months died, passed away, went to Heaven but was here on Earth for sure, for ten months. He counts. Every day he counts. To me, he does. To her, maybe not. To me, for eternity, he does. That leaves me with two boys here on Earth. I have learned that when someone asks me how many children I have, I say three. I say nothing else unless asked further. If they say how old, then I explain depending on the situation either keep it light or fully explain. I don't hold back anymore. Why? He WAS here, he DOES matter, he DID change my life, and I DO love him still.

I have a feeling this matter is not closed. I think I will further be exploring it with this family member. She WILL get to hear my full thoughts on this. Maybe later, maybe in a nicer way but she will. And if it kills me, she will understand what she does not now. If it kills me....

--J