It's always a meaningful day isn't it? I have it all burned forever into my mind.
Six years ago today, we handed Lucas over to that ill fated OR Nurse. Hate that. Hate that Lucas' Doctor, his Surgeon, was the one he was. Hate that he didn't fall and break his ankle that day so another Surgeon could have filled in for him. Hate that the Nurse told me he'd be fine as she took him from me, she lied, and she didn't even know she was lying. Hate that she didn't bang her toe and drop the baby, a broken arm on Lucas would have maybe been better than what he was about to live through for the next four months.
Earth Day. For me, it's Heaven Day. Every time I hear someone say Earth Day like it should be celebrated, I don't knock that it should, I simply have other thoughts in my head to counter it.
So much. Lots and lots. But nothing.
Now, as I hear the boys playing Hulabaloo and laughing and being silly, I know this is the way it was supposed to be. This IS life. This IS the way it was supposed to be, simply because this is the way that it IS. For all the zillions of dollars in the world, the set of circumstances we were handed back then could not be changed. They were our fate. That Earth Day I sat in the big OR Waiting Room making hand made Baptism Invitations for the official baptism we'd have after Lucas recovered. Thank God we had him baptized in our church, just Ivan, John, Grace and myself present with the Deacon. Thank God for that. Little did we know in the same room he was baptized, he'd be laid to rest and left for others to come pay their respects just about five months later. Funny how life works isn't it?
Life is life. Let life be life. Just let it be. Don't fight it. Don't have to make it perfect. Don't need to make others be a certain way, the right way you think is right, just live it. If you spend all of your time trying to make it just so, you end up missing the show. You end up missing life. Missing lots of boats. I have learned that even though I'm anal and have to have my just so things, I also have bent. I also have laid back. I have tried like hell not to pack my plate full. Leave it empty a little. Let life be life. Because we lost Lucas, anything else would be just sad. Sadder. It's time to cherish what is here.
Happy Earth Day.
Happy Heaven Day.
--Jenn
You cook, you clean, you go to work, you nourish, you love, you scold, you are professional and yet you hang your hat on every dust particle in your home. You are a woman. Some women are Moms and some are not. You are still a woman. We are all made similarly. We are strong.
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