Making Friends

I've always been the kind of person who takes my time making friends. It is never ever a fast process. I need to take the person in and figure them out. I'm just that way. I very often need to determine if I think I'll be able to trust the person. Are they someone I click with? Even if I don't 'click' with them, it doesn't mean I won't. It could very well be I don't know them well enough. So I slowly check them out. I have no idea what people think of that. They might think I'm snobby (I'm not). They might think I'm shy (I'm not). I'm not kidding when I say that typically it can take me months or longer to even allow myself to just simply open up with someone let alone become their friend. To me, saying someone is your friend is not something to be taken lightly. I probably have been helped to become this way by a very bad experience I had with someone about two years ago. I do think to some degree I've always been this way, had these tendancies, but they have been heightened by what I went through with this crazy lady and family. So even more than before, I do not rush into relationships at ALL.

I'm sure this all sounds crazy. And it's not that I'm not up for 'fun' and not a fun person myself but my goodness, it's just not me. I am what I am and I am comfortable with what I am, how I am, who I am. I am not sad about it, I don't feel I'm missing out on life, in fact, my life is very full. I've seen people make friends in three seconds and I'm just all, 'wow, really?' Maybe I'm just different. But you know what? I'm totally 100% ok with that. I really am.

I have recently been told by a very close friend, in fact, probably my best friend, ok, yes, it was my best friend, that it's always "my way or no way" (meaning me, Jenn, my way). That's crap. I allow other ways. I just have a stronger personality so more often than not, I push for what I believe in. I give way when I need to, I'm not a bull you know. Just a strong horse....

Who knows why we are the way we are. Who knows. I mean, seriously I've tried to figure it out before. I can't. It's too big for me. So at some point, you just accept it all. Even if it's just for a minute.


--j