Life is like a box of chocolates

I just watched the last 45 minutes of Forrest Gump; probably the saddest of the whole movie. I had forgotten how touching this movie is. One of the things that was said in this movie was, "In order to move ahead in life you have to get past the past" something to that effect. So true. All the phrases from this movie, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get" are really true.

There's a part of the movie when he's getting on the bus to join the military (this is memory here, I did not see this tonight so sorry if my memory mis serves) when he wants to sit down and everyone keeps saying, "seats taken" and won't let him sit with him. Time and again, "seats taken" till he gets to who ends up being his best buddy, what was his name, Bubba? And then they go through the war and come home, open a shrimp business and call it Bubba Gump and get rich? All that is memory. Now I want to rent and watch the whole thing again. Crazy.

Life IS like a box of chocolates. You DON'T know what's going to happen. Your husband could go for a bike ride and end up crashing and crushing his hip bone completely, all in one day having to have it reconstructed, you could drive your five day old car, brand spankin new into a parking garage behind an Expedition whose driver panics and thinks she can't fit in there, throws her car into reverse without looking into the rear view mirror and backs right into your new car (wouldn't THAT suck), or you could meet, fall in love with, and marry your best friend, have three children, love them all dearly and lose one of them before he turns one. Life is like that. Highs and lows. Extreme highs, extreme lows. Lots of middles.

All this and a puffy face, puffy eyes, from watching the end of Forrest Gump. You can't just be me and live a carefree life; not anymore. Everything means something. I'm intense. I love intensely. I dislike intensely. Nothing escapes me, well not much. I was waiting at a local hair salon to get a trim and I was sitting dead in the middle of these two guys, one young and one older. They were talking about random things and it was apparant to me, the younger one was drawn to the older one, maybe wanted a bit of his wisdom, just kept at him, in a nice way but really wouldn't leave him alone. Talked about a lot. The younger one owns 50 acres of land and raises cattle as a side business, couldn't only do that for a living, just does it on the side, enjoys it blah blah. The older one starts talking about how he has a friend in Montana and he raises a certain kind of cattle, show cattle (I've never HEARD of such a thing) and blah blah they are talking and I'm then zoning in and out, kind of wishing I weren't sitting there. Then the conversation turns. The older one asks the younger one, "well if you don't do the cattle bit for a living, what DO you do for a living?" and the younger one says, "oh I work at a hospital" and the older one says, "what are you...like maintenance or a cleaner (cause the younger guy looks kind of rough)?" and the younger one says, "oh no, I'm a cardiologists assistant, I do a lot of catheterizations, assist with those in the cath labs". He has my full attention and my heart stops. It's all I can do to not interupt and ask him a thousand questions. I think to myself and I remember clearly time stopped for a moment and everything was moving slowly, I'm meant to be here right now. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Maybe I'm going to hear something that will help me accept Lucas' death, so sit still and just listen.

The younger one begins to explain what it's like to be in the cath lab and how amazing it is what they do and how many lives they save by the information they gather. In a way, they are like an investigative team who goes in before the actual surgery. I know all this to be true, as Lucas underwent two catheterizations. He said sometimes it was hard to do the little ones, the little kids because it was sad when they realized the road ahead of the child would be hard (I guess depending on what they found is what I took from it). The older guy was back and forth with him prompting answers. There was little else revealed. There was a moment of silence. I could have spoken up and told him a quick version of our story, of Lucas. I couldn't. I was riveted but I could not speak. I was on an emotional edge and knew if I divulged anything in such a setting, it would be awkward and I might get upset. You never know who you are sitting next to. Who knows who or who does what. You truly cannot judge someone by their looks. Lesson learned. I knew it but it has to be practiced in order to really learn it; have it engrained in you.

---The movie Forrest Gump drew up all this. I feel better; do you?

Jenn