Big Sigh

I am an independent person. Always have been. Always. Don't like to ask for help even when it's obvious there are no other options. Don't like it.

When Noah was born, and my husband had to go back to work, I cried that day. Oh my LORD I cried. I stood by that door and I wouldn't let him out. How funny is that? He actually said to me, "I guess I can try to call in and see if I can stay home one more day" and it was then that I realized how ridiculous I was being. Of course I could handle this. I always told myself I could handle anything. So out the door he went and I bet you I cried the whole day. I'm sure I was fine after that and on our lives went.

Along came Lucas and I remember vividly wanting Ivan to go back to work earlier. Very selfish reasons....I wanted more alone time with Lucas who had something wrong with his little heart. I wanted to cherish every second, every nanosecond, alone, just he and I. Of course, I couldn't have him to myself and how absurd is that? But it was the feeling so when Ivan had to go to work, I think I did shed a tear or two after the door closed but then I was on with our lives. I was dead set on making sure Lucas sat up early and began to use his voice earlier than other babies his age and you know what? He did. I engaged him and pushed him along and he didn't seem to mind. His demeanor was always so plyable. So willing to bend to whatever, just like his Daddy. I loved that about him.

So now, here I am, my third child, Jacob. Ivan and Noah leave to go in the morning and I cry again. I am NOT crying all day, just a quick cry and all better. So what gives?

The human emotions are so funny---tricky. You think you have it all beat.

I went on my first trip with him to Wal Mart yesterday. Wow. Needed to get out. Had some things to pick up. So off we went. Gotta write that down. He slept the whole time; who wouldn't with all that crazy noise every WalMart brings? Information overload to a little one.

---No more morning crying. It's silly really. Quite. What in the world? I'm an indepedant person for God's sake!

Jenn