My thoughts..

The world according to me. Hmph. I have within the last two years been known to hold strong opinions on lots of things. I suppose it seems I stand on my soap box with one shoulder dipping lower than the other because the chip on it is so heavy. Maybe it's true. I don't think it is. I think maybe I've always had quick reactions but maybe held them in more. I like to deal with problems head on; that is my comfort zone. Once we lost Lucas, and I started to look around at this big bad world, I started thinking, wheels spinning, and remarking. This is what I think of this, this is what I think of that. It's not to say you can't have your opinion, it's just your going to hear mine now. Life is too short to not say what you are thinking. Life is too short to think all must agree with all. At work, I absolutely do NOT agree with everyone's opinions. I'm not always in a position to say it. It might not be 'politically correct'. But rest assured, I'm thinking it. There are many times I'm encouraged to say my opinion and just others where my opinion is not solicited yet it's still brewing in my head.

What does losing a child have to do with one's personality? TONS! You just see things differently. In our case, we feel Lucas shouldn't have died. I think we're justified in that. His surgery went all wrong. That is why he suffered for the next four months of his life. There is a LOT of anger in that. I don't want to live with that anger and let it rule my life but it has changed my personality. So when I think something, I usually come out on the side of, "yep, I pretty much feel that way". Don't ask me to explain it. It just is. Don't hate me for it. I can't change it. I have searched and searched for a better side in me since he passed away. Instead, I have only found the rougher, harder side. I think what I think about politics, about life, about family, about friends, about whatever. It used to be I was more in the middle, on the fence about a lot. Maybe afraid to say what I really thought. No longer is that the case. No more.

Take me or leave me. That is what I am. At work and at home. I don't think I'm always right, I just think what I think. Maybe that is a bunch of hoopla but what can I say? Those are my thoughts......

--J