Who Am I To Judge?

Really. Who am I? I want positive, loving, and attractive, the world is a good place thoughts running through my head. I have to work on this. I am not the judge and certainly not sitting on the jury either....

----BUT----

and I promise, after I dump this here, I'm done, moving on (ok maybe I need to verbally say this to someone so my poor honey is about to get an earful then I'll dump here and be done; really). I am in no position to judge but I have thoughts and opinions. Maybe that's my way of masking and making it ok to "judge" but hey, I'm tryin' here.

I went to McDonalds tonight to get hamburgers for the boys after work. We would eat leftovers, and the boys would be happy with burgers on the fly. When I get there, it's ghost town; awesome, no wait! I drive around the building to get in the drive through and just as I'm about at the point of the curve where the speaker box is to order, almost to the point of no one can get in front of me because of the curb on the left being parallel with the curb on the right, a lady pulls in the back way of the restaurant and literally pulls right in front of me. Please know there was not a soul behind me. She could have waited as it was very clearly obvious I was 'next up' and almost at the speaker. I only had two 'Fun Meals' to order but then, how could she know this? Maybe she was worried I was about to order 25 Big Macs and she was in a hurry, I'm trying not to be sarcastic here..but really, maybe she was in a hurry. You never know. I did not beep. I did not make any symbols in the air. I did not even curse. I quietly bit my lip thinking I was being tested. It's nothing but a thing, right? It's small. But now I'm watching her with great interest and like a hawk. Just a curious passer by of her life. Amazing all the things I saw next.

She immediately started barking her order to the speaker person, "2 cheeseburger meal (ugh) with LIGHT onion and catsup ONLY ya got that?" then she flicked her cigarette at the speaker box. Yep, it hit the speaker and fell still burning on the grass. I felt I was watching a movie or something or a TV show like it was all so dramatized, every single thing. I just thought that was disrespectful. Then I focused in on her little girl in the back seat not buckled in. Another cliche' of the kind of person I was starting to categorize her as....then back to her loud, harsh voice, "and I want a fudge sundae with double fudge on the bottom and single fudge (eh?) on the top, that's DOUBLE FUDGE ON THE BOTTOM AND SINGLE FUDGE ON THE TOP OK?" so they wrap it up, she's asked to pull ahead and she just sits there. Testing me. I'm close to blasting the horn. I refrain. She finally slowly pulls ahead. I do my thing, I pull up to pay and watch the rest of the show. She is handed her food at the window ahead of me and told to have a good night when she responds like this, "I'm not goin' ANYWHERE till I check the food." and immediately she starts yelling that the burgers are not right and the ice cream was supposed to be "double fudge on the bottom" and she was right, she wasn't going ANYWHERE. So I sat. And sat. And sat. I'm thinking, AYFKM? But I'm not saying a word, just thinking all, trying not to emit any facial expressions, at this point I'm wanting this lady to move aside and let us all get through as the line was now fully built behind me as we all sat and waited for her antics to be done. One of the burgers is handed back to her and I kid you not, she handed it right back. Finally the McDonalds lady asked her to pull off to the right and they would bring whatever it was out. She did not move. She literally turned to talk to her toddler daughter in the back and that car did not move. I watched the clock in the car and a full minute went by before she S.L.O.W.L.Y. decided to pull ahead JUST ENOUGH for me to get to the second window; BARELY. I get my two little bags and just wanted out of there, the McDonalds woman was looking ahead at her car knowing I could not get out. I couldn't take it anymore. I finally did one beep. Again with the slowly moving, she knew she was pissing me off and she liked it. I finally finagled out of there and passed her and she FLIPS.ME.OFF and yells something I could not make out.

What gives? Did she not like my van on sight? What did the world do to her? OK. Here I sit. Judging. I know this. Everyone has stuff. Maybe she has a sick child in a hospital. She could have been fired today. Her father could have died recently. Maybe she can't pay her bills. Everyone has different shoes to walk in. I of all people try so so so hard to know this, realize it, walk it, adjust accordingly. You can't know some one's story just by looking. Still. How can good come to you, good things come your way, people be kind to you when you behave that way? Tell me now. When Lucas died, I was horrible and angry and bit people's heads off all the time. The latter part of the sentence is not just a general statement, I really was angry a LOT. But please tell me I did not behave like this. Yelling at people who are serving you food, who help you make your life easier (hello you don't have to cook dinner now), cutting people off in line, flicking cigarettes at things......ok I don't smoke but you get the idea.

Am I being too judgmental? I mean, this has stayed with me all night. I could have been far uglier when she cut me off with no one behind me. I guess I'm moving on now, it really doesn't matter, but it made me think. There really ARE people like this in the world aren't there? Uninformed, uncaring, and crass like that? Seriously, who am I? I really am not the police of the world, and I don't get to sit in a throne and say what is right and what should be. I might be the Queen of my world but not anyone elses. I'm all done but really, this just really drove home my whole mentality about putting kindness out there even when you don't feel it inside.

What have YOU done today to make someone elses life easier? Me?

Hmm..lets's see, I complimented someone who I can tell is losing weight, lifted them up a little. I stepped out of my box and said something kind to someone else even though it killed me because I wasn't necessarily feeling it but knew it was right thing to do. I made up six bundles of flowers with ribbons and notes for all the Littlest' teachers today; it's Teacher Appreciation Week and I wanted them all to know how much we love and appreciate them for everything they do..just small things all of them.

Put it out there. What you put out there comes back to you like a magnet. Know that.

Jenn