Life UnAltered

So easy to lose sight of things isn't it? To be around people who are bad for you, or befriend those that really don't CARE about you, surface friends and aquaintances, you know? Those who would walk away without too many thoughts or regrets, maybe one or two, but move on rather nicely without you? Or to get caught up in what we have, what we want, more more more?

I find myself losing sight now and again but something always grounds me quickly. It's probably because I'm open to being grounded, that's where I'm my most natural self, knowing the big picture is the real deal and where I'm my best self. It doesn't take much to jolt me back to reality.

We had our Annual Meeting at work recently, actually this past week. It was really fantastic. I feel things deeply, I know, but I got to see sides of some of our team members I didn't know they had. Folks who I thought would NEVER climb high things or take that kind of challenge, did and way surpassed me and my fears. So proud of them all. Very enlightening day. It was about work but it was so about life. I tackled my apparatus and I felt I did poorly and hated that I cried during the climb and in letting go and wanted to do better so I waited and made sure everyone else got a turn, let a couple people go a second time then asked if I could go again. The instructor thought she heard me wrong :) and made sure I was asking to go AGAIN and yes, I wanted to go again, fear and all, just wanted to go one step higher. What I did wasn't enough. So I suited up, got the harness on, the helmet, waited my turn, no more tears this time. I was determined. Just one step higher. In my heart I knew it would be more but outwardly only saying it would be one just in case I chickened out. :) They all rooted me on, I was the only one climbing then, was uncomfortable it went down like that, everyone else was done, all other groups were heading out of the woods but my group was below me cheering. Silly didn't they know I wasn't going anywhere NEAR the top? My goal was lower but still, higher than I had gone the first time. Baby steps. I passed the first foothold where I stopped the first time. Slowly I went to the next. I stopped. Breathe. I am high now. Don't look down. This is life. You either have it or you don't. For everyone their stopping point is different; mine was down there, yet there I was, higher than that. Legs shaking, heart shaking, helmet to the timber, hearing Khalilah's voice only, then Joshs', "use your legs, you can do it!" I took one more step up, more scared than ever pushing past the fear still knowing the top was so far away.....this is life. I looked up. So high. Way far away. I looked down. So far away. So down there. I was in the middle. And the thought ran through my mind....'is this where I'm suppose to be, is this a metaphor, stuck in the middle?' Nah. Thinking too much. One more step and I'd call it done. With all I had I raised my leg and it felt like it was 400 lbs but somehow it got to the next rung. Done. "I'm done" I call down. Sit back and relax. They lowered me to the ground. Done.

Competitiveness. Drive. Determination. Still did not get to the top. Can't say to myself that I didn't try and try again. I tried to alter the outcome and see if I could do it all. The outcome was already laid out in front of me but I had to go through it; God doesn't tell you what the end of the day will bring, you have to live through the day. You cannot alter life, or the outcome. Life is what it is and whatever you bring to the table determines the outcome that is already pre set. Big. It's very big. It's life unaltered. Exactly that.