Values? Rules?

What do you do when someone in your family is just so opposite of the family values you try every day to instill in your own children? That they just don't get it, and possibly think you are overbearing, over the top, or something even more mildly along those lines?

We have rules! There are boundaries! We are overprotective and I'm not going to apologize for it anymore. I think we have a healthy dose of reality check (ok well I do) and I'm usually some percentage of alert when we are holding on too tight and I try to adjust, I try to loosen the reins when I can on the 'overprotective' deal. But still, it's never going to be like other people, we are never going to be the footloose and free family with our rules, saftety and boundaries. If those around us, who are close to us, don't get that by now, I'm just not sure what to say. Thank God most parents don't know what its like to lose a young child. Yeah, I know, blah blah blah. I'm not going there, don't worry....BUT...my point remains, and I stand strong on it. We had rules anyway before he died but as time has gone on, we have come to a (somewhat-ok-slightly) healthy place about it all. And any modifications we have made in that deptartment are basically exactly where they are. So when we say the rule, or how we want something to go, the Oldest better listen. He knows this. Usually he does listen. When he's around others, sometimes he does not.

Just frustrating. And even if something goes wrong in front of someone else, my husband is very highly unlikely (unless it's huge) to say it's gone wrong in front of other people. So I am left to look like the bad guy. When we get home, then he lets it all out and those who he should have made it known in front of never know, they think all was fine and then we hear it at home. Sort of not fair and definitely not fair for the Oldest who is probably confused by it all. I try to be the middle man in those situations and normally they don't go too well.

Overall, I'm not sure how to fix the whole deal. Pull back I think is the answer. Sadly. I guess that's it. It's a fine line, a delicate thing and hard to say to someone you are close to the things that sometimes need to be said. Better not to stir the pot. There's enough pot stirring around here. Done deal, can't change it, moving on.

J