It's a Charmed Life Someone Once Said

So. Someone once said, "It's a charmed life you lead." I'm sure millions have said it. But most recently, I said it. To my husband. Ouch. It's a charmed life you lead I said in heated battle. Well. At the time I meant it. And to some extent, I still do. But in the past few days I have realized something else. So.Do.I. It's so easy to get fed up, think you have the world on your shoulders, and feel so negative. I do it. I know. But the truth is, I am very blessed and not that luck has much to do with it because I feel we both work very hard for what we have. We have made sacrifices; sure I could be working full time and we could be making more money. But whatever. That isn't important. And sometimes we over extend; but not to the point we are in debt so I count that smart. It's like living on the edge, you COULD be in debt if you wanted to be but you are close to that point, so much so, you can smell it, but you never put your toes on that line. You stay just inches from it. That's where we are. We're ok but not great in the finance department. Could be tons better but could be tons worse. I recognize that. I suppose this is the phase in our life where we rear our children and make not a lot of progress with growing our money for the future. I feel in some ways even THAT is not smart. I bet if I listened to Suzie Orman more, we could be. So, the charmed life. Why is it so charmed?

• We aren't homeless.
• We have so much love around us, it can easily (and often is) taken for granted.
• We have both of our families in the immediate area, who are here for celebrations, happiness, sadness, help, whatever we all need. That too can easily be taken for granted; I hope that we don't.
• We can spontaneously eat out if we want without loading up a credit card.
• We can (but don't) take a trip if we want. This year though I think that will be different.
• We have the comforts of the modern world at our fingertips; from the computer, to the blackberry, to the phone/s, to a big garden bath tub, to a pool in our backyard.

I could list more but you get the idea. And who, exactly, WHO am I to be complaining? Right. Check. Done.

On a completely separate note, I had this wild a** dream last night. Here it is, and murder is involved. Someone please tell me what it means:

I am being chased by this woman, she is going to kill me. She gets me, she kills me, but I am still in the dream, I morph into this other person so I am still there. She keeps following me. Everything stops. Including my memory. Later in the dream, I find this person I used to work with and for a long time ago. She used to run a card shop I used to work at. She is successful making these celophane baskets at Valentines time and that time is coming up, she used to work at a mall that is now knocked down (in real life) and I wonder if I can find her at the other mall in our area. I go there and I see a big store that is wiped out, like everything is sold out and only a little remains. I see her sitting on the floor like she is worn out. I go to her and she says she is moving to Baltimore for one year. I start crying like I will miss her (and I would). Then the woman reappears and begins chasing me again to kill me. I run, she chases, I scream, she screams back. Wild addrenaline. Then the Oldest appears out of nowhere and says calmly, which calms me down in the dream, "mom you have to calm down to handle this problem, calm down" then he's gone. Then the woman again. I take the Oldest's advice and just stand there, I look at the woman and say, "go ahead, kill me" and she stops and says, "I never wanted to kill you, I've been trying to get you to stop, I want you to run my business." Then I run away.

That is all I remember. What in the world? Is this the story of my life? Drama. Always running away. I don't know. Hell. It could just.be.a.dream. Ya think?

Phew.

-J