Our Home This Season

Our home this season has been filled with all kinds of F's. Here they are in no particular order.

Fast

Furious (Fast & Furious)

Family

Fun

Friends

Favorites (in all the above pics)

Fantastic Food

Feelings

Oh and one more........................ love.

This Christmas, I never made it to Lucas' grave. I can almost not believe it myself. I intended to on several (more than a handful) occasions. Never went. I think about him constantly. He's either in the forefront of my mind or somehow something I'm living, thinking or saying immediately gets connected to him or something of him in my mind. He's always there and I say that with not an ounce of exaggeration. But this is the first Christmas season he has not had a little tree on his grave. I have not gone since Thanksgiving. An entire month has gone by and I have not gone to see him. Can you tell that as I'm typing this, I'm absorbing it myself? So. Back to the Love. How in my mind does it all interconnect? Oh don't you worry, it's all tangled in one big fat ball, and it all leads back to the same place eventually; love. All those F words up there and not a cuss word thrown in the mix. Yay me. ;) I digress as per the norm. All those F words equal love. Lucas is right in the middle of it all because he's squarely planted in my heart and mind; he's the impetus behind all that I do so it's like a thrust through my life. Race here and there, do this and that, can't miss this or can't not be at that. Why? Well, maybe now I'm beginning to understand that his loss to us created these monsters (ok, maybe just in me, let me not deflect to my husband ...ahem) to live life to the fullest. Laugh loud but only when truly funny. Don't hold back. Say I love you. Don't miss a moment. Say Merry Christmas to that stranger who you just helped even though in your normal true self way deep down inside you'd never have done that. But now, maybe that is the true you. Oy vey.

All I want to say is Merry Christmas. Live life out loud. Don't hold back. Give the big fat hugs even if it makes you uncomfortable. Say the I love you's. Give the thank you's for every little thing and take nothing for granted. Say the I'm sorry's even when it is not your fault if you know it will help propel that situation away from negativity, just do it. I say, it's worth it. For having Lucas and then watching him leave this Earth...maybe that is one of the things I can now thank God for. In an angry screaming at the wind and the clouds way, I can thank God for that. Our home this season has been blessed with lots of F's. And one little L. And I for one am very thankful for all of it.

Jenn