These Small Hours Still Remain

let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder don't you know the hardest part is over let it in, let your clarity define you in the end we will only just remember how it feels our lives are made in these small hours these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you let it shine until you feel it all around you and I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to we'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end our lives are made in these small hours these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain all of my regret will wash away some how but i can not forget the way i feel right now in these small hours these little wonders these twists & turns of fate these twists & turns of fate time falls away but these small hours these small hours, still remain, still remain these little wonders these twists & turns of fate time falls away but these small hours these little wonders still remain... Rob Thomas

This song has so many poignant words for me. I could be fine and I hear it and I'm not fine, I mean I am, I'm fine but the emotions come.

I left because I needed to. I thought I could make it one week but tomorrow last week was the last time I was here and it's not yet one week. I cannot resist the pull to put my words on this screen. The need to let it out. To fill your head with my strong willed sometimes nonsensical sad and happy and up and down emotions.

When my life is over, whenever that is, I hope to have left an imprint on this Earth. To not have made excuses for what I couldn't do, what I wanted to do and did not, to accept what is done and to be proud of what was done. In this life, we have to accept responsibility for the haves and the have nots; pointing our finger to anyone else for any other reason is irresponsible and immature. I hope that I have grown up enough to know that. I hope that you have too. I want that my boys will know how much they meant to me; that they were loved immeasurably and with a million hearts..forever. I worry not so much over that, I think I have conveyed this well enough. I want those I have worked with to have learned something alongside me and from me. Life is not about work; work is about life and what you can learn from life. And if you can get that my friends, then you have maybe just maybe uncovered the secret of a happy life. God wants us to enjoy this life and even with all the sadnesses that can be hand delivered to your front door with a bow on them, I think maybe we are to rise and be stronger for them. Easier said than done, I know this first hand. I want my family to know they are priceless to me; I think in my own twisted way I have let them know this, the best way I can. Be careful what you wish for-you just might get it all and if you do I hope it's exactly what you thought you wanted.

--This is one thing I hope the most in my life with my every fiber and to my very core. To the core of my core. I hope this. Everything else I know. This is I hope. -----I hope that when I go to Heaven, Lucas will think what my husband thinks Lucas thinks, that only a few moments have passed and he's still patiently, happily, babbling and waiting for me, for us. Not upset or worried about us or where we are, not looking for us. I more than hope this, I pray this.
That there years are seconds. ------ Just let me think it. Kay?


--J