The Fun I've Had

Ok. Time people. It's all about the time. Or lack thereof. There's never an actual SURPLUS of time, always on the other end of the spectrum. Lack; always the lack of it. So now I have a moment. Really I should be packing. But I chose to sit here for a moment after venting about Sanjaya, I feel I have another moment. And aren't you so blessed? Kay, I hear the gagging all the way over here, calm down, I know, I know, I am only a smidgen of your day or week. I get it.

Here's the schcoop. Every year my company has an Annual Meeting. This is not the 'schcoop' itself, this is not news to anyone really (or anyone who knows me). Every year we have a different theme. This year it was "Our Company (insert company name) through the Decades" and it was much fun. Typically Directors go up the day/night before, all help to set up the ball room for the big meeting the day before and then there is a dinner/mixer for the teams who come up from NC since they travel all day to get here. We offer them dinner/drinks etc. Usually just a restaurant atmosphere. I am a Director. I have only gone up one time the day/night before and I know I was not much help back then as I was pregnant and did not want to leave the boys bigtime. If you could call what I did helping, sure I was helping but looking back and sad to say, it was minimal help. This year was different. I made sure it was ok with my honey and then took the plunge. I decided I would do it. Could finally leave the boys for a day or two and it would be fine. I went up with my friend/coworker (friend first) the day before and helped out a lot I felt. There wasn't tons to do but we were there, decorating, organizing, doing whatever was needed. We thought there would be more to do but there was not. So we went off to our rooms, veg'd for a minute, got ready for the dinner thing that night and we were ready to go. We had pre decided that we would not drink much if at all so we could be good little examples for our Managers. :) uh hem. ...

Sooooooooooooo....we were going to go to a different bar/restaraunt with two other Directors for a glass of wine and then walk over to the 'place' we would all be gathering after that. Didn't happen that way, long story short, we ended up only going to the place itself. I had one glass of wine. Thanks A. I owe you. You'll probably never read this, but I owe you. I always repay my debts, big or little. :) I was supposed to stop there. Ok. So I'm in another city from my home town. I'm not with my husband. My boys are safely tucked at home with him, in another city. See where I'm going with this? I never let go. I just don't. I'm not asking for your permission or your pity, or even your cheering me on. I'm not. I'm just saying, I never have done this in a while. And even before he died, I didn't do it that much. I'm all good girl. When I ever finally do 'drink', it's usually a doozy. Maybe I kind of save it up. I don't know. I like to think I can push things way down deep and wrap them up all tight and what do I need to drink for? Nothing. Don't need it-it might make me say something. Feel something. Let something out. Good Lord, we can't have that. See what I'm sayin' here? AND add to all of that, go ahead add it on, that I really enjoy this girl I work with. Remember the one I freaked out about that day last year, when I was all "I don't like change" blah blah blah? And I had no idea what she would be like? Remember? Yes, this is her. She is awesome. We get along VERY well and our personalities are very well matched, our decision making is very similiar and thought processes while not identical of course are very close. AND we get the same funnies. I mean, we have almost the same exact sense of humor; stupid. Both stupid. We are both very perceptive and extremely impatient. We don't get to get together that much but this night we were among other people of course, hanging out. SO go ahead add all that together and I think I was in the mood to let go of some "anal" stuff for a minute.

We had been on the go almost all day and if we had not stopped at Applebees and had some tomato soup and a chicken wrap with fresh onions in it, that I did not finish, we'd not have had much to eat all day. I was not thinking about this when I had that first glass of wine. I ordered another. She looked at me with HUGE eyes. Questioning eyes. Our Managers and Supervisors were all around us. We told them to BEHAVE. Not to get out of hand and behave. The owners of our company were there and we didn't want anyone acting up. Oh I said I was fine, and I was. That glass of wine sucked. One drink and it tasted like booty. I sent it back. Asked for Reisling. Not good either. Finally just told the bartender, give me something FRUITY. He gave me a different Resiling. It was ok. I drank it. That is only two glasses of wine, and two drinks from two other glasses that I sent back. Not too bad. Right? Then the party moves downstairs where the food is and the music and karaoke is. Ok baby, here we go. I'm done by then, I'm very happy and my feet are hurting. The shoes come off. I meet her eyes (my friend/coworker) and she's just shocked at me. I'm sure I was thinking, "whatev". By then, I was on a roll. I went to order that same Resiling which had just been good. They didn't have it downstairs. So what did I do? The smartest thing in the world doncha know! I order a big ole' apple martini! Did I eat anything? Well sure I did, I had 2-3 slices of cucumber and 3-4 chicken tenderonis (because they were too small to even be called "tenders"). I was STUFFED (not). But I wasn't even thinking about food. I was thinking about, da da da da.....singing! Yep. I gathered up our whole region (only about 12-15 people) and we signed up to sing "Bad Girl" by Donna Summer. Uhm, sing it in front of EVERYONE. That would be including the owners of our company. Yeah. But they had just sung and they were great sports and I thought, well, we can do that too! So, I gathered one of the managers and we corralled the group and up we went. After that, my spirits were totally loose and my God after making a pure and utter fool of myself lead singing Bad Girls with my horrible voice that only sounds good in the car when no one is listening, nothing was holding me back! Nada! I don't remember much after that except dancing and people bumping and such, I remember one supervisor said distinctly, "Jenn I did NOT know you were like this, you can dance!" something to that effect. Scary. I remember being momentarily alarmed but I'm sure it passed quickly because when you are in that state, it only takes a small small little thing to distract you and I'm guessing something did. Then I think someone held both of my hands and said, "I wanna dance with YOU" and I remember thinking "OK, not so much this isn't good" and I let him lead me for a minute and then I was like, "ok mister, I must spread my wings and fly" and I let go of his hands and moved away QUICKLY. Yikes!

There was an elevator scene later and running down a dark alley but not too far because they got me back. I don't think my honey knows about that part. And there was me falling back on a wall over and over again thinking it was the funniest thing in the world. And A trying to bite a cucumber and it flying over by my toes. I think I almost pee'd my pants then. Silly. Silly. That is how letting go feels huh? I don't know. I hardly ever ever do that. I remember crying. In the car. Talking to my husband. I remember eating a BLT at 1130 that night thinking it was the BEST bacon in the world while I watched CNN and a very serious political show about Bush and Iraq. And finally, I remember waking up at 4 am thinking, why is the room spinning right now? Earthquake? Oh. Not so much. Uh uh. OK go back to sleep it will be better in the morning. Really? How about I overslept by ONE freaking hour. How about THAT? And feeling parched as the Mohabi Dessert. All dang day.

But fun? Oh yes. I didn't want the night to end. I missed the boys. That was hard. Especially the Littlest. He so depends on me at night time. And I him. Totally goes both ways. Woudn't have it any OTHER way. When I got home after the actual meeting last Thursday, I felt everything was off balance. It felt good to be home but all that I had done in the previous 24-36 hours was so unlike me. In many many ways and I was trying to equate all those things together. In the end, it was just me, letting go. I don't think I did anything too horrible that embarrassed myself. I think others may have been surprised at me. I suppose that is ok though. Since Lucas died, I do not think I have done such a thing. So there you go. Done deal. Signed sealed delivered straight to you from me. Nothing scandalous. Just completely out of character. It's not a crime to be so silly is it? And I know I must have been quite the silly girl.

Oh yes. That's me. Silly Jenny. Notsomuch. But that night. Oh yeah baby.

--J