Screwy-Death Makes You Screwy

Here's what I know. I'm pretty screwed up. So twisted, nothing can straighten me out. Is this the life I was meant to have? I suppose it is. It was a rhetorical question anyway, don't worry.

I'm reading this book that is playing with my mind and my emotions. My emotions on the topic of Heaven. And in this book, Heaven is not talked about in relation to God at all. The part that keeps making me cry is when the main character, a fourteen year old girl who has been raped, murdered and butchered and is now in 'her Heaven' takes us through the path of her family as it falls apart after her death and slowly comes back together, when she keeps breaking through because she wishes so badly to be on Earth for certain moments of their lives. It's happened at least two times in the book and maybe more if you believe that her little brother kept seeing her as he told everyone he did. It brings me to my knees to think just by wishing, just by wanting, someone in Heaven can unwittingly 'break through' and be seen by us, those left on Earth. I know. I know that this is just the Authors take on how it might be. I know. But could it be? You know I look for him everywhere. When I read that her sister gets proposed to and she goes to tell her Dad that she's getting married and the whole family is there (special moment) that the sister in Heaven can be seen for a fleeting moment, just how she was before she died, fourteen years old and young. Then just like that she is gone. Not even really knowing she was seen.

I see him in halos, that's all. In pictures, in halos, like circles of light in pictures. I imagine that is him. Oh this just makes me crazy. All of it.

Our family (my little core family) never really fell apart, we never let that happen. We pulled together tighter. Thank God for that. Really I do thank God for that. Because if anything else had happened, anything different, can you imagine how much MORE unstable I'd be? Scary.