Again the Winds of Change

The winds of change are blowing. I can feel them kicking up the sand at my feet. It isn't an all out hurricane yet but the leaves are swirling in a spiral off in the distance and the sound is growing.....

The littlest--no longer can I lay this little bundle of joy down and walk away as he sleeps blissfully. Uh uh. No more. He has to be dead dog tired to just lay down and roll over now. As of late, it goes more like, 'I lay him down, he pops right up and stands there jumping in his crib, laughing or crying, whichever suits his fancy.' NOW it's ALL flooding back to me. NOW I remember. Nights of holding the oldest, rocking him down, having to hold his hand as he fell asleep, laying by his crib, whatever it took. I cannot cannot cannot bear to hear them cry for very much longer than one to two minutes. I know he's ok. I know he isn't crying from pain or hunger, nor dirty diaper. He just wants his mamma. It's all happening again. Were I a different person, this might not be an issue. But I'm not. I'm me. While I absolutely know that this time is precious and I wouldn't be anywhere else, I always have these pangs of guilt like I'm doing him a disservice. Somehow, I'm screwing him up to not be able to put himself to sleep later, as a toddler or young boy. But you know what? No. That isn't right either and I'm reasoning this through right now as I type. My oldest gets himself to sleep just fine. All those nights back then, when he was a baby in the crib, when I rocked him, held him, didn't let him cry, I think they paid off because now we are close close close and he's fairly well adjusted, no more or less than any other child....I didn't screw him up. Right? Right.

Not only the sleeping thing....it's the walking. It's the new foods, moving on from baby food, in a month or so, no more formula, moving on to whole milk. A new room at school (daycare). New people, new things, new sleep patterns, less naps, less formula how can I keep up? Too much change all at once. And the teeth that boy is cutting!

I am afraid I will not be doing it right. Something will be wrong. Why didn't I write all this stuff down?

He knows three signs. We have taught him (and they will be reinforcing in his new class) basic signs (sign language). It helps the babies communicate. It doesn't mean they are hearing impaired and it actually accentuates their ability to understand at a younger age verbal language. This is the age where their frustration gets the better of them because they want to express themselves and can't yet. He knows these signs, all done, more, and eat. So if I am feeding him and he's full or doesn't want more, he puts both hands in the air and sort of wave each at the same time. I say, "ok, good job littlest" and we're all done. I wrap it up, he's completely happy, and all is well. It's simply a mode of communication. It doesn't hurt (at all) that it is supposed to help their level of intelilect. That's a plus...

In about three to four weeks, all will have transitioned and this will all be for naught. Probably not a worry in sight (yeah right).

We'll see. This is my prediction....

Jenn