When the Moment Comes, the Moment Comes..

This I know. This I have just learned today. You cannot be fully prepared for the moment. You think you are. You think you have it all under control. HA! Think again my fine feathered friends...

I got a peek into my oldest son's world today. It unraveled me all the way to the loosest strings. I will rattle off the entire conversation. T0 set it up, he was playing with two little girls in the cul-de-sac all morning long while we held a yard sale. They played and ran and jumped on the tramploline; they were having tons of fun in the sun. It was lunchtime.

Little girl: comes up to the oldest, who was eating his lunch in the garage, and sassily says "uh huh" (out of the blue clearly continuing a conversation they were previously having not in my presence)
oldest: Are you serious?
Her: mmmhuh yep
oldest: Are you sure?
Her: I'm sure
She runs off. He stays to eat.
Me, very highly intrigued: Oldest, what are you two talking about??
oldest: That's our business.
Me, loud gasp heard round the world and all: Uh, I don't think so, there's nothing in this house that's JUST YOUR BUSINESS, everything is all of our business, now spit it out.
oldest: It will hurt your ears.
Me: Try me.
oldest: Huge sigh. Long silence. You won't know anything about it.
Me: Oldest, if you do not tell me right this minute what you two were just talking about you are not going back over there to play now are we clear? What were you talking about?
oldest: Quickly understanding I was not letting go of this.. She said a boy at school was going to do this with her (imagine his two arms bumping each other in the air as he held them in front of his face but his arms were like waving or belly dancing as they bumped each other).. You know, he said he was going to have sex with her.
Me: World spinning, louder gasp, wildly looking around for my husband who was innanely talking to another neighbor out for a Sunday stroll of all days TODAY AT THIS MINUTE when in God's name I needed him right by me right then at that second. Damn! SEX??? So realizing I was all alone in this moment and the burden rested heavily on my shoulders and that I was not prepared for this even a little bit, took the bait and here is what I said.."What is sex? Do you know what sex is?" fervently hoping his answer would be innocent and benign
oldest: I have no idea
me: Still world spinning (what do I say to this first grader OMG OMG OMG) Well let me tell you what sex is (big fat gulp again looking for my dear husband and realizing he was STILL TALKING TO THE LITTLE OLD LADY FROM NEXT DOOR). It is something that adults do. I mean, it is something Mommies and Daddies do. What I mean is, it is something you do with someone you love and it's not until you are really a lot older that you even have to worry about it do you hear me??
oldest: Looking around, not particularly at me, "ok" but smiling kind of.
me: Oldest let me ask you this, do you want to get up in the middle of the night and change a baby's diaper, be responsible for it, feed it, take care of it all night and all day? Do you?
oldest: No! Clearly I had his attention now. I needed to get his attention because I think he wasn't taking me seriously.
me: Well when you have sex, you can make a baby. And you are way too young to be worried about it or thinking about it or knowing about it. So don't go talking about it to her or anyone else and if your friends bring it up, and you have questions, you come and ask mom and dad and don't be shy, don't be embarrassed.
oldest: Ok, mom. Can I go play?
Me: Please. Go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First grade. Sex. Kids. Are you KIDDING me? I have no idea. I either scared the s### out of him or just fueled his fire. Later, when all was calm and the yard sale was over, I asked him to clarify for me again, "did YOU say the word sex or did she?" I needed to know this because prior to today, he's never ever ever said that word or alluded to anything about sex. ANYTHING. So, I'm just sayin, where did this come from? Besides left field that is... he said again, the little boy said it to her, and she said it to him, that he was going to have sex with her. So I ask him, have you ever heard that word before today? He said he'd heard it on TV. I asked him if he knew what it was. He said again, "I have no idea". Here's the thing, he knew I would be freaked out about it. He knew enough about it or the idea of it that I would react the way I did. Hence the "It'll hurt your ears" remark.

I will come back to him later, when all is calm and re discuss with my honey there. I won't go flying off the handle. I just want him to know, don't go down this path, I don't even want him to know about this stuff yet. I guess it's too late. The world, the way we all are, it's already done. I can't undo knowledge. Now it's in his little brain. All I can do now is try to manage how he processes it. I know I was freaking out today. I knew I was. What to do? How to say it?

This is why I say to you, if you have little ones, be prepared. It will come up. You won't want it to. Know in advance what you will say. Learn from me. I'm a walking wreck I think sometimes. If anything, learn from me. I thought we'd never cross this bridge for a while. Don't be as nieve as me. In this fast paced world, our little ones are open to so much more so much sooner. I don't want him to think it's bad. No. Not that. But also, it's completely up to us how they handle all of this big knowledge. And love, feelings, emotions, it's all part of sex. How I/we handle it now will totally affect the later days. This I do know. So I will go back with him and try to fix, smooth over, and make better what I might have screwed up today. I am still in a sort of shock.

It was funny but kind of, it wasn't. It was scary funny. Can something be that? Lord help me. That's all I have to say.

--Jenn