Today is Good Friday. Easter is almost here. It's basically here. You know what I mean. Easter baskets for the kids, dying the Easter eggs, hiding them, hunting for them, all fun stuff. Next year, the littlest will be running around trying to find them too.
It's an absolute time for renewal. Spring has sprung, pollen is everywhere, people in shorts, this time every year, we celebrate that the Lord has risen, renewal all around.
If I were in Heaven, and one day I will be, I would look around, no, not just look, scourage around, till I found it. Not him. Not Lucas. He would already be WITH me. The second I get there you know, he'll just be waiting for me. I'll be looking for perfection. I suppose because it's Heaven, it'll just be there, everywhere. Everything and everyone will be perfect in His own right. Maybe that is a given. There is just too much amiss. Too many things that need to be made right. We can only do what we can do and my mother says all the time, 'live a simple life' she didn't always say that but she has been maybe since Lucas died, I'm not sure, I cannot recall when she started saying it. She's right though. It's too fast, we want too much, but all for the best right? The best reasons?
Do you think it's true only the good die young? Or is it just a song? Just a song that has turned into a phrase that suddenly people just believe. "You know what they say (who is they); only the good die young...."
Lucas was good. He was a baby so of course he was good. He was innocent in every way. He died young. In our case, the song is true. Heard it on the radio today. As you can guess, I started to cry. And not just a little. It's all around me. Everywhere, all the time. My cross to carry. My husband's cross to carry. The oldest's cross to carry. He doesn't know it but the sadness he feels, he just feels it in a kid way. But that's what it is. And as time swirls around us, and tumbles away invisibly, we get closer to where we're supposed to be. The funny thing is where we end up isn't what it's all about. It's what we did, all the lessons we learned along the way, the life we lived, the paths we took, that was what mattered. Not the place we ended but what we did to get there. My job is to make sure we raise good children. One of them has already acheived pure perfection; just without my own motherly influence. Sad but happy. Happy but sad.
Jenn
You cook, you clean, you go to work, you nourish, you love, you scold, you are professional and yet you hang your hat on every dust particle in your home. You are a woman. Some women are Moms and some are not. You are still a woman. We are all made similarly. We are strong.
2 comments:
Wayne Dyer says that he has a coat with the pockets all cut out of them to remind him that when we leave his world we wont take any mateiral items with us. I think I want to go out naked like I came in to it. What matters is the lives we touch the way we make this a better place when we leave it. The memories not that we drove a Hummer H2 and had a big house. That we sat for hours and read books over and over to our kids, or sat with our grandmother and heard that story again, or helped that man out to his car at the store. That we made the best pancakes, or the best cha cha milk every time.
It's a time for renewal so lets go into it with cleaner souls.
I'm with you. Happy yet sad. And I too, can't wait to see my boy again. Happy Easter Jenn!
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