Can you see a soul?

What do you think our soul looks like? Is it invisible? Is it really like a little gas pilot light that always stays on, burning forever? Do you think our soul holds all that we are and can be? All the potential that will be reached and more that will never be reached? I've been thinking big things.

What do I want to do with this life? Is this all there is? I mean, my goodness, if so, I'm thinking I'm pretty lucky. BUT there's a but. There's always a but (and in this case mine has lots of junk in it.. no pun intended but really those who know me know what I mean :) why is there always a but? If our soul is who we are, the kindest us we can be, who we could be in a perfect world, why don't we ever get all the way there? Why is there anger? I don't get it. I know I know, maybe that's the secret of it all. We're not supposed to get it. We make these decisions and we go through this life doing what we think is the best we can do because really now, who would make what they thought was a stupid decision on purpose? At that moment in time, it seemed the best thing that could be done. Right? If all of that is true then why why why did Lucas die as a baby? Is a soul so deep that it's supposed to know the answers to things like that?

It's all getting too deep. My mind has been there and back a thousand times. Maybe more. Several times a day, it ponders and wonders and turns and twists all of the memories and facts inside out. What if? What if I had probed further, picked up on my gut instinct a bit more to know that the Dr. was really not being forthcoming? Why had my instinct, the instinct of my soul NOT yelled and screamed at me loudly to walk away or ask MORE questions. We asked some but they were benign. Arcane. They were not the real questions we should have asked to get the real information we needed. If we had, we would have walked right out of there and taken him with us. Huge chances he'd still be here today. Do you see? Do you see why I drive myself crazy?

Too much..