I feel so torn about leaving J on the days he goes to 'school' (daycare/we call it school). Today I popped in for a quick visit and had to make myself leave even though I did not want to. I almost started crying. I probably confused him by doing that and so I likely won't do that again. N did not have that demeanor when he was a baby. I stopped in to see him all the time and he was fine with it. J is so happy when he's with me and I am too. So stopping in was probably in the end, detrimental to the rest of his day. It was for me.
It's a constant push and pull. It's good for him to be around other people, in the end, it will teach him excellent socialization skills and also comfort in learning different people and their personalities etc. But it's so hard to leave him.
Just a mamma wanting to be with her little one. They are only babies once. Then they are only in elementary school once and so forth and so on. Is it worth it to do what I do?
torn..
You cook, you clean, you go to work, you nourish, you love, you scold, you are professional and yet you hang your hat on every dust particle in your home. You are a woman. Some women are Moms and some are not. You are still a woman. We are all made similarly. We are strong.
1 comment:
At least you are aware of the feeling of being torn. After all you have been through, it's amazing you can even weed through what you feel. I have been reading you for awhile. From my experience people who lose a child fall apart in all kinds of ways. It doesn't seem like you have fallen apart. You seem strong. Maybe you have learned a lesson to really appreciate what you have in your children and it matters so much now. Don't let yourself get down. I think you are doing good. And strong to keep going even in this way you keep living your life.
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