We can be a funny people..

When it's time to grieve, we either grieve or pretend we don't need to.

There was a family here locally who have very recently felt the solid rock of tragedy. A father and two sons went fishing. The mom stayed behind. The three of them got in trouble on the boat and all drowned and died. This woman is now left alone. In one fell swoop, she has none of them. She saw them off, all happy and healthy, all going to bond on a fun fishing trip. There was no warning. There were no sick children. No preparation. Just a normal day. Just like that, a very un normal day. I saw her face on the news. Such pain. I had to look away. I know a glimpse of that pain yet mine to me is so immense. Hers is times three. It takes your breath away.

Not said with any degree of flipness, but on the other side of the coin, when we are happy, it changes everything. It can make our outlook on life shine brighter than a penny. Just like that, things are good and all is well. I think it makes folks forget what they might have learned in the heart of the sad or difficult times. Those of us who have had children who are born with defects or challenges look at life much differently than parents of perfectly healthy children. It simply puts a different perspective on life. Plain and simple.

Maybe the thing that makes us a funny people is our emotions. Some people know how to handle them and some are emotionally inept and some just do ok with them. I think I fall into the last category, I just do ok. I just do the best I can. What else can you do? Every day brings something different and I truly do learn something new about life every day.

Can I flawlessly pass that knowledge on to my children? Probably not flawlessly, not seamlessly, but that is the goal. I have so much to say about some things that have happened recently with my oldest son. Maybe another day. I'm still to busy trying to process it all, trying to process the depth of his emotions. So much is coming out of him even more now than ever before about his brother. So much. And he isn't only letting it out around me now, he's opening up around Ivan now. The trick is, what would happen if he had such a breakdown around other adults, someone at school, another parent, someone at the after school thing? How would they react? How would they handle it? Would we brush it aside and say, "oh it's ok, don't cry" NO! We DO want him to cry if he wants to, let it out if he needs to, express himself, in only the way a six year old can. We DO want him to know it's ok to say how he feels. Don't brush it under the rug.

But then, we're a funny people, either you're going to allow yourself and others to grieve, or you're not. And lets face it, it's not a pretty package and there is no perfect formula. It can take as long as it takes. I can tell you, it takes as long as it takes. That much is true.

--J