I think....

--if you swim in misery, you become misery.
--you can't ever look to the sun if you're too busy with your head in the mud.
--if life hands you the sourest of lemons you better raise it up a notch and grab a bucket full more of sugar and make something of it.
--if you can't seem to find the good in your life, you should pull up your skirt tails (or pant legs) and find someone to talk to because no matter how you slice it we weren't born for nothing and its completely up to us to make our lives mean something. If you have kids then multiply that times ten. They count on us more than anything and if we aren't worth s*** or think we aren't then it reflects to them. There is good in all of our lives, even when we can't see it.
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Those are words from me to me and to you. I read something the other day that said if you are grieving and have learned how to express it; great, good for you. Be wary of doing it too much or you will get sucked in a vat of grief that you'll never get out of. You have to find the balance of expressing yourself and finding a way to move on. -----This kind of shocked my senses. I have the Lucas page. I have this blog. I am vocal. I say it if I think it. I have found the venues to do so. But be careful I will. Lucas knows and God knows---both of them know innately how much I miss him, how sorry I am it all happened, how I wish none of it had happened. They also know I couldn't have changed it. I know it too. I will never forget my second son, but I will work more on accepting his death. I will work on not making my whole life about answering for, hanging myself out to dry for, taking responsibility for, something that was not my fault.

That is what I will work on. I'm not promising I'll never need to vent. I'm just promising to do better. To know, to accept that he was meant to teach me/us a lesson. Of love, of life, of strength and of fortitude. He was a breath of fresh air blown into our world for a reason. I will learn from it and stop wallowing. I have been trying to do this for awhile, unofficially and without speaking it out loud. I just wanted you to know...

what will you work on?

Love Jenn