UGH

I've been up for pretty much one hour and it's 5:55 am right now. I'm dressed and everything. Jacob was up; Ivan was up with him but he would not go back to sleep so I took him, Ivan wanted him back so I could get some sleep (thankyouverymuch) but he was too comfy on me and I knew if I passed him off, we'd both be up for God knows how much longer (cause really only God knows right) so I kept him on me which isn't the absolute MOST comfortable thing ever but hey, it'll work. In and out of dream sleep I went dreaming about the most unusual things. Some violent some not and seeing some old old friends and some very religious things happening, just dreams that did not make sense. It's no wonder I'm a wacked out girl cause what my mind is thinking subconciously is super scary. Even I don't know it. I guess that's why they call it subconcious--eh?

So Noah is getting his nose corrected for these ongoing nosebleeds which increase in frequency in Winter. That happens in like one hour. I'm delaying in waking him because I know he'll want to eat. He can't eat. Nope. The woman said he can't even brush his teeth. Nothing. Not even water. I guess they expect him to throw up; no? This promises to be a fun day. At least the anesthesia will smell like bubble gum. I'm not sure he'll like much else that happens to him. I'm nervous. After they put him to sleep they will put a not so nice shot in his nose and really super numb it and then do their thing. I don't like it but it has to be done. The other option breaks my heart way more. When I see his face panic stricken with , "mom, I have a nosebleed" for the thousandth time, it's awful. We all go into frozen time mode and everything kind of stops till it's under control or stops. Could be the middle of the night out of the blue or during the day out of the blue. No rhyme or reason. Kids have the darndest things. Is darndest really a word?

When will Jacob sleep through the night? Two of you want to throw stones at me right now and really, I'm ok with that. I just want to know when it's going to happen, you know, so I can prepare with a big party and whatnot. I want to be able to plan for that night. It'll be a huge party in my sleep mind you. You know, while I'm sleeping soundly through the night and all.

Must go wake the big boy. Let me tell you, he's growing growing growing. 70 pounds that boy is. Football is the way of the future for him I think. Rambling again. Nighty night for most of you.

--j