Friend

Come in, stay awhile, lets chat. This is what I wish I could say to my friend, Tammy. She's too far away.

She sent the most beautiful, thoughtful card in honor of Lucas' birthday. I got it today. Here is what it says.

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Today is a very special day. You are in our thoughts, our prayers always. May all the butterflies in the world dance for Lucas.
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Simple. Yet it brought tears to my eyes in a heartbeat. Not only is that a beautiful thought, I would LOVE for all the butterflys in the world to dance for him; what a sight that would be. Breathtaking. More than that, she just knows what to say.

May we all be lucky enough to have one true friend like her. We do not agree on everything; no not at all. And we are aware of that about each other, I believe. That is ok. It's SO ok.

Thank you Tammy. You are one of the few people who stopped to recognize the day and the meaning of the day regardless of how difficult the task. My mother did too. It's hard to know what to say on your end and it's hard to know what to say on my end. It's just hard. I'm struck by many things and I see so many things so differently, from a different perspective. I sometimes feel like I'm one hundred years old. I know too much and yet sometimes know nothing at all. Those moments pass and things normalize, the cycle continues; the cycle of grief.

This is how I've come to best express myself. In writing. If I had to say any of these things verbally, I'd be an emotional ball on the ground, unable to control or speak coherently. Writing is best, easiest for me.

I love the card and I love the words. I'll put in one of the shadow boxes I made for him. I will.

Jenn