No girls allowed...

Maybe it's karma.

Maybe it's that tomorrow is the first day of first grade for Noah so all of this stuff is coming out....

I don't know.

My son is saying these wild things and if my chin dropped anymore, it would be through the floor not just on the floor.

He thinks a bra is a double barrelled sling shot. He announced that to me today while we were in Kohls. There was a lady standing right beside me looking at a rack full of clothes and the look she shot me was priceless. I almost died. WHERE in the heck did he get THAT? Later, tonight, when I told Ivan about it, Ivan then asked Noah, "Son, what is a bra?" Noah responded, "it holds your bras". OMG. I can't talk about this stuff with him when he's only SIX. I mean, yes, of course, I can but no, I can't. You know what I'm saying?

Last week while we were waiting for the Pediatrician in the back office, Noah says to me, "Mom what does sexy mean?" OMG! I'm sure my face was literally FROZEN like a box of peas in the deep freezer so he took back his question and said to me, "No, let me ask you this, what does sexy (with the finger quotation marks in the air around the word sexy) mean?" To which I laughed so hard while holding Jacob on my chest he was literally rising and falling with his eyes as big as walnuts like what is my mamma doing and why is it so loud in here? I laughed so hard that Noah became alarmed and then said, "mom stop laughing, someone will think you're hurt in here" which made me laugh even harder.... my son wants to know what sexy means and then he rephrases it with air quotation marks and I'm supposed to keep a straight face? I am not prepared for this stuff yet! No way! So he still presses me for what it means and keeps doing the air quotation mark thing which keeps sending me into literal fits of laughter (any moment I was expecting the nurse to come back and check to make sure we were alright---she never did--I'm surprised as I was quite loud with my belly laughing). Finally I calm myself and I tell him that some people think sexy means you are pretty. His quick response was 'what do the other people think?'... huh??? I'm lost and still trying not to laugh (mature mature mature) and he says 'you said SOME people think it means you are pretty what about the OTHER people?" OY VEI!

Tonight he was showering and Ivan went in to check on him. He said to his Dad, "Excuse me, I'm having a shower here" like get out! Ivan walked out, looked at me in the hall, we both burst out laughing and what do you do? It's too much already!

I must construct a plan. I know the girls are going to be knocking on our door and calling our house for Noah. No girls allowed till the fortress is built. An iron wall ten feet high with no cell phone access. Yep, that's the best plan. Hear no evil, see no evil, there will be no evil. Not till he's what-----at least 40 right?

Help!

Jenn