Did you know?

This might surprise you about me-

All time favorite singer: Phil Collins

Music I truly enjoy: Country (no lie)--yes I love Pop music like Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson and Rob Thomas (is he Pop?--is any of that "pop"? Ok, mainstream maybe) but I really have come to love country music and Tim McGraw pretty much tops it for me in the Country genre.

Thing I would most love to do: There are lots of things I would love to do but the thing I would MOST love to do is get the Lucas Cares Organization up and running. No one is going to hand that to me. I have to work for it, I have to earn it. No excuses, its just me and the road. I either walk the walk or keep talking the talk. One day..

What I'm all about: Being a Mom. Am I great one? Maybe not--but I try. I get mad, I get exhausted, and when those two get combined, watch out. BUT I live to love them-be there for them-read to them-teach them right from wrong (for Noah that's over and over and over again thankyouverymuch) and just plain be Mom. Nothing else matters; just that. I don't matter-I don't care about me-it's just them. Ivan is a tight second. It's about my boys. They are my world. When I was younger, I never imagined my life would be what it has come to be. Kind of idyllic in a way but only our kind of ideal. We certainly have suffered our share of deaths; Ivans Dad, my Dad, my Granny and Pa Pa, my Grandmother and Grandfather, Ivans brother, John, and of course, the most devastating of all, our son Lucas. All of these deaths have taken place at some point during our relationship. That's a lot to cope with. It sucks. It's hard. It makes you angry. During all that, I never questioned my faith. I can say I'm still now angry with God about Lucas but therin lies the answer. If I'm angry with Him and go back and forth in my thought processes--praying the whole time--then I know He is there. That alone comforts me.

Thing I never knew about my husband that blows me away: He got a mohawk a long time ago (yikes a Filipino with a mohawk!) when the group KaJaGooGoo (sp) was popular. I'm so sure his mother had a fit! I never knew this! If someone had said to me you could win one million dollars if you answer this right! Ivan ever have a mohawk or no? I would have said "not just no but h*** no!". I would have been a sore loser!

I'm getting close to wanting to lose weight again. I've been thinking about it. Don't tell me I need to lose weight. It has to be my idea. I need to see myself and really soak in what I need to do. This does not happen overnight. I need an aha moment and I've been thinking, Jacob is out of me now. No more excuses. I'm just saying, I'm just thinking about it. That's all. Just thinking. No action required yet. So don't go pushing. Kay? I'll get there...for real.