Could there be anything better

• than a moonlight swim?
• than loving your family so much you just know it was meant to be; perfect in lots of ways, not so in others but in the grand scheme of it all-perfect nonetheless?
• having a dream about your husband that tells you things are exactly as they should be, everything is in the right place and just where it should be with your relationship?
• than knowing you pretty much hate to cook but loving that it's ok, whatever you put on the table is appreciated anyway?
• being so confident in yourself and your thoughts that it doesn't matter what others think of you as long as you treat them with respect?
• feeling a baby grow inside you and rumble and tumble and kick and ball up and flail out and make you gasp and smile all at once? Personally, I don't think so.

There are many things in my life that make me sad on a daily basis and not only things having to do with Lucas. Seeing Michael Jackson be acquitted, that made me very sad. Hearing stories on the news about parents who abuse their children or kill them. That brings me to tears. Knowing that ultimately I am responsible for my own healing and being open enough to God that I can and will get to a better place about Lucas; that doesnt make me sad but sometimes it scares me. Having said all that, the things I listed above--they (as little in consequence as they might be) help negate the harder stuff. Pretty cool isn't it? It's life. It's what you make it. Take it or leave it, it's all there in black and white.

How big is that picture?

--J