Potty Training 301

Oh My. These are my traits:

• Impatient
• Demanding
• Sensitive
• Impatient
• Loving
• Impatient
• Funny
• Impatient

There are four traits up there that start with an "I" that surely do NOT coincide with Potty Training your two year old. The one that starts with a "D" probably put this whole deal onto the negative side. Poor little boy to have me for a Mamma. Suffice it to say, we're in a holding pattern of sorts. He's Mr. Stubborn, Mr. Smart, Mr. You Think I'm Gonna Do This Because You WANT Me To?, and Mr. Every Now and Again Constipated. It's not a good combo. Then add me and my "quirks" in there..

I'm taking a step back and letting things happen how they will. Watch me. Ok, somebody come tie my hands behind my back and put a rag in my mouth. It'll be much easier that way. Promise.

Which Crayola Color Are You From Their Famous Box of Eight?

Take this quiz: Which Crayola Box of 8 Color Are You?

Silly but much fun. Try it!

Indiana Jones & The Crystal Skull

Awesome movie. Loved it. I think I told you a couple months ago we had a marathon of the first set of Indiana Jones movies here at home. This topped it off. The Oldest has been obsessed with IJ and all things IJ; especially Lego sets having to do with it. I must say the movie was pretty good. I wasn't sure what to expect and there's a little twist at the end. Very enjoyable. There were some cuss words and some sharp looks from the Oldest to me to his Daddy to the Oldest (in that order) and lots of elbow shoving when said words hit our ears (poor Ivan, like it's his fault they were using profanity). Why do they have to throw that stuff in there? The integrity of the movie is already there. If I had to say, that would be the only thing that took AWAY from the integrity of the movie. The action and the stunt scenes for the most part made it somewhat edge of your seat and not really a dull moment.......the profanity for me, knowing kids 8, 9, 10 etc are watching, is disappointing. No wonder our society is the way it is.

Wait, this started off as a nice post for this movie. It still is. Just a general statement on the state of movies these days. Too much language. A movie that's perfectly great in its own right gets slightly smeared by unnecessary language. Sad really. But for that, a nice classic to be.

-J

Life UnAltered

So easy to lose sight of things isn't it? To be around people who are bad for you, or befriend those that really don't CARE about you, surface friends and aquaintances, you know? Those who would walk away without too many thoughts or regrets, maybe one or two, but move on rather nicely without you? Or to get caught up in what we have, what we want, more more more?

I find myself losing sight now and again but something always grounds me quickly. It's probably because I'm open to being grounded, that's where I'm my most natural self, knowing the big picture is the real deal and where I'm my best self. It doesn't take much to jolt me back to reality.

We had our Annual Meeting at work recently, actually this past week. It was really fantastic. I feel things deeply, I know, but I got to see sides of some of our team members I didn't know they had. Folks who I thought would NEVER climb high things or take that kind of challenge, did and way surpassed me and my fears. So proud of them all. Very enlightening day. It was about work but it was so about life. I tackled my apparatus and I felt I did poorly and hated that I cried during the climb and in letting go and wanted to do better so I waited and made sure everyone else got a turn, let a couple people go a second time then asked if I could go again. The instructor thought she heard me wrong :) and made sure I was asking to go AGAIN and yes, I wanted to go again, fear and all, just wanted to go one step higher. What I did wasn't enough. So I suited up, got the harness on, the helmet, waited my turn, no more tears this time. I was determined. Just one step higher. In my heart I knew it would be more but outwardly only saying it would be one just in case I chickened out. :) They all rooted me on, I was the only one climbing then, was uncomfortable it went down like that, everyone else was done, all other groups were heading out of the woods but my group was below me cheering. Silly didn't they know I wasn't going anywhere NEAR the top? My goal was lower but still, higher than I had gone the first time. Baby steps. I passed the first foothold where I stopped the first time. Slowly I went to the next. I stopped. Breathe. I am high now. Don't look down. This is life. You either have it or you don't. For everyone their stopping point is different; mine was down there, yet there I was, higher than that. Legs shaking, heart shaking, helmet to the timber, hearing Khalilah's voice only, then Joshs', "use your legs, you can do it!" I took one more step up, more scared than ever pushing past the fear still knowing the top was so far away.....this is life. I looked up. So high. Way far away. I looked down. So far away. So down there. I was in the middle. And the thought ran through my mind....'is this where I'm suppose to be, is this a metaphor, stuck in the middle?' Nah. Thinking too much. One more step and I'd call it done. With all I had I raised my leg and it felt like it was 400 lbs but somehow it got to the next rung. Done. "I'm done" I call down. Sit back and relax. They lowered me to the ground. Done.

Competitiveness. Drive. Determination. Still did not get to the top. Can't say to myself that I didn't try and try again. I tried to alter the outcome and see if I could do it all. The outcome was already laid out in front of me but I had to go through it; God doesn't tell you what the end of the day will bring, you have to live through the day. You cannot alter life, or the outcome. Life is what it is and whatever you bring to the table determines the outcome that is already pre set. Big. It's very big. It's life unaltered. Exactly that.

Climbing Fears...

Story later. But yes, that's me.

Blogging..well bloggy emotions...

So much about the "blogging" world that is way over my head. I'm sure I would understand it better and manipulate it better if I had the time to devote to it. I don't. So it's a simple form of writing, venting, laughing, communicating; at least for me. Nothing more. Not a money maker. Not a way to cross from the blogosphere to the real journalistic world (at least YET-since aforementioned no time). Yet here I am once again, was asleep, then awake and mind is racing.....and I come here. Not always. But sometimes.

Some use it as a way to tout their politics. Some as a way to out themselves. Some as a way to heal (hmmm). Poking fun at people. Spreading news and sometimes lies about the rich and famous. The list goes on and on.

Me? Just the silly up and downs the angry lashing outs that I can't even fully say most of the time, the wonderful reportings of the kids, the basic life of a mom learning still, every day, how to balance it all. One thing I'm learning about myself that I've probably known all along (ok, well I have) is that my emotions rule me to the nth degree, no doubt, they are the rise and fall of me; the best and worst. Some people are inept at showing their emotions, or guiding through them, they have a low E.Q. some would say. I can show them, do show them, can't help showing them, guide through them flawlessly although others might think carelessly, and I realize, at the end of the day, they are my crosses to bear. All of them. If I am unhappy with something, me saying I'm unhappy about it won't change the thing. The thing will still be there. Glaring at me. Or smiling at me. Whichever it is. Sometimes the thing doesn't care how I feel. Because lots of times the thing is not living so it can't care. Tears? Rarely now. Why expend the energy. Hey, I'm getting pretty good at holding THAT emotion back now and again, trust me. Where did all this come from? Oh, I don't know. Bloggy emotions at 12:30 a.m. are so easy to come by. Only one up at this time in this house. So you get it all.

Ramblings. Of a crazy woman. Gotta love it. Or not.

Bad Word Mamma!

Ok, I will preface this with, and you should know before you begin this read, these are not words from MY mouth, this time it was not my slip up and it's not a story like that or about that. So don't get all excited yo, this is just a general, how funny is my child story for like the zillionth time. So sit back, relax and maybe smile for a second...

Oh how I love when the Littlest comes running in the room, announcing to me and whoever else will listen that someone has just said a bad word. I do. I love it. Now, you could look at it like, 'he should not even know the word to know it's bad' and well, I guess that's true. But these are not words like H***, S***, D***, or worse yet, the F Bomb. These are words like 'stupid' and 'poodes' (one of his school buddies slang word for 'poop') which we have now banned from the house as all the boys fall into fits of laughter when this word is emitted from one's mouth. Just the sound of the word, "poodes (like Poo+Des) is enough to make one smile. A mamma cannot be seen smiling or it encourages the fits of laughter. How unfair to make my smile go inside! To turn around is a sure sign the smile is being hidden and laughter gets more pronounced...so turning around to hide the smiling is forbidden. The mamma must stand there, stock still, thinking of horrible things like shots and needles and bees, all things the mamma strongly dislikes so not to smile. -----

So he's watching (and I quote) "Thomas and the Magic and the Railroad" (as opposed to Thomas and the Magic Railroad) and they say the word stupid in there at least once. He knows this is a 'bad' word. I think from school. As soon as I caught on that he knew it was 'bad' I ran with it, and showed my agreement, "yes Littlest, it IS a bad word, we don't use that word". To which he replies, "We use good words like thank you and God bless you" yes, right, we do, um hmm (God bless you? ok..) He runs into the room, where I am helping with homework and the Oldest review and he again announces, "momma, bad word, they said a bad word, I'm not saying it, I'm NOT!" uh, ok......"good job Littlest, that's right, what did they say?" Testing...testing....then he says, "I'm not saying it member?" Ah..right...I "member". And he looks at me and smiles and calmly walks away. What a bubba dubba. Why do I love him so much?

So we are working on days of the week, learning to describe himself (really working on teaching descriptives on his level), and counting to 20 which he's got down pretty good except for 17-20. He's amazing to me, we've been going on bike rides, he on his 'trike' and me on my bike and when I think about a year ago, life has changed drastically. The Oldest helps him become more independant every day. Yes while he irritates the S*** out of him, they are definitely friends and the Oldest will do anything for the Littlest and is WAY more loving to him than the Littlest is to him. The Littlest is not so very affectionate. I have learned not to be affected or get hurt feelings about this anymore, it's just the way he is. When he wants his hugs, he'll come and get them.

I know the day will come when the bad words will be much worse so for now, I'm counting my lucky stars they are just what they are. They both make me just smile. :)

OMAGEE (OMG) Woman Dead for 35 Years in Her Apartment..

Check this out and click here. This cannot be possible. I cannot even wrap my mind around how this happened. I would like to think if I died in my home, it would take someone a lot less time than 35 years to discover I had passed away. Phew! Granted this was in Croatia, but still, humans are humans and regardless of location on this big blue Earth, we are all the same are we not? Caring, curious, helpful and generous? Most of us? SOME of us? How could no one know she died? Maybe she had no family, maybe she even had no friends, but come on! What about her neighbors?

I'm just saying. It's a sad statement and an unbelievable one too...

Grumpis

The Littlest has a fever and this weird on/off barky cough. Not enough to make me race him to the Ped but enough that he can't go in to school and he's not right. In his "sickness" he's grumpy then happy, up and down, and although he slept in this morning, he's been awake long enough that I'm noticing a trend already.

He's mad at me. Instead of normal two year old behavior, he simply tells me, "I'm mad at you Mom and I'm not gonna be nice to you." So I tell him 'thank you for telling me how you feel' and walk away. He doesn't like it. He wants a reaction but see that's the beauty of me having taught him how to say how he feels; it's all calm and there's no need for a reaction. He doesn't like it at all. When he's grumpy he's ready for something-and he isn't going to get it from me. ;) He walks into the room and says, "I don't want you to be in this room, go away Mom." Hurt. But smiles. Why smiles? Cause look at how he's communicating! It'll pass in a couple minutes and he'll want to read a book with me. Count on it. He's as fickle as he can be and I love that too (for now since it's so cute).

While he's belting out, "I've been working on the railroad" and hammering on an upside down VA Tech hardly ever used metal trash can he seems happy again. Here, let me ask him.. see....done. I asked him if he's still mad at me. "No!" with a huge smile. Success! That didn't take long.

I've been working with him to teach him how to describe himself. So I'll say, "Littlest, tell me about yourself, can you describe yourself?" and he now understands the question and the concept so he'll give me different answers depending on his mood...like....."I'm funny, I'm a bike rider, I'm adorable, I'm smart, and I'm a bike rider." Kay, his fav thing in all the world is riding his 'bikes and trikes' as he calls it. So it shines through in his answers. I think I'll get it on video, capture these moments because they'll be gone in a flash. Quicker than a flash.

Two Weekends Ago; Local Kids Festival

That boy loves his sunglasses, he loves trains, and don't ask me how, but we got him to sit in that stroller for awhile too. Miraculous. When do they start listening again? Soon. Soon. And when do they stop saying, "No!! I won't!" (when you say stop doing something) or "Yes, I will!" (when you say don't say that it isn't nice) Kay, just checking. I think we've discussed this before; in fact, I think on numerous occasions. Phew.

-J

Feeling Unsettled.

So much to do.
So much to acomplish.
So much I want to change.
So much I need to move past & forgive.

See the stairsteps I just formed there?
One step at a time. It can be done. Little by little.

And I'm off--------

J

Trust

With me it must be earned. I don't give it freely. I am probably too guarded and too watchful. How can I be that and glass half full too?

My friends know this about me probably. I'm sure it maddens them. So twisted and complicated isn't it? I wish I could be more free and less absolute. How do I get like that?

Any advice? Will I hear crickets after I click post? Will I get advice?

I will be open to hearing and I'll do my best to open my ears as wide as they can go. After that, I can't promise a thing. :)

LBD

LBD. Always hard to find the perfect one. But I'm lucky. I have one. ;) I think it's for life. This is one I won't give away.

Being A Woman

Ok, at my age, I suppose I have to be considered a "woman" but I so feel like a girl sometimes, a chick, a young thing. Leave me alone. It's how you feel that counts the most. Ahem.

Anyway, here's lots of reasons I love being a woman, I mean, chick, gal, girly, chica, you get the picture....

Romance when I can get it, falling in love over and over with the same person, shopping, getting my toes done, walking on the beach, talking endlessly with my best friend, getting and giving flowers, drinking a nice glass of wine, getting compliments from my honey, getting compliments period, having margaritas at my fav place with my fav person ever, surprises at the most unexpected moments in life, getting to be silly and getting away with it, being a mom, watching movies and being allowed to cry, but most of all, just because being a woman in this country, we are allowed to think out loud, speak out loud, have opinions, vote and get all the rights men have. In lots of countries this is not so.

Being a woman today isn't half bad you know? I'm glad I am.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you. Love!

Jenn

Hair Part II

Minus out the bra please. But wala. It's done.

PS

Yah, I'm still up. Remind me to tell you about the interviews we did on the plane home from Ohio. I interviewed the Oldest as if I wasn't his mom. I asked him a ton of questions about his Dad and then the same exact questions about his Mom. Just wait. Very cute and I saved both papers. Love that documenting time stuff when they are little.

Good night. For real. Yo.

Is It True?

1. That the more you push a child to do something the more they do not want to do it?
2. That once again this week, I'm still up after 2 am?
3. That if you can't sleep, and your heart hurts, and your mind is racing, you can't sleep (eh?)?
4. That muscle weighs more than fat? How? Don't believe it. A pound of fat is a pound of anything, including muscle. A pound is a pound is a pound.
5. That you need what you need no matter how much you don't want to need it?
6. That Hilary Clinton really might not win the Democratic Nomination?
7. That 3 burgers, 3 fries, and 3 drinks at Five Guys Burgers and Fries are really $28? Do they walk themselves to your mouth for you?
8. That I'm the most non sensical, serious, way too analytical, big picture thinking, worrying, never stop thinking person you've ever known in your whole life?
9. That I'm on drugs?
10. And finally, what the world is waiting on pins and needles to know, is it really true that Wolf Blitzer is that short? Never mind he asks the hard hitting questions that the Internet World wants him to ask, never mind he's a serious political news anchor person who's got the CNN world in the palm of his hand, have you ever noticed he's pretty short? Completely not nice of me to say....
11. Wait, there's one more.....that I can help carry just about anything my husband asks me to and I told him tonight as we moved a table, "you know honey, one day I'm not going to be able to help you carry things like this (hey buddy, over here, stop taking me for granted mister!)" to which he quickly replied, "yeah, I know". Wow. Deep isn't it? About one foot. Yep, just about that. It goes nowhere near the two feet area. Notsomuch.

It's late. My tummy is growling but I'm ignoring it. I need four hours. Just give me four hours. GN.

Jenn

Big Picture

Have you ever wondered how many babies are born every day across our Earth? I wonder what the number is. Is it enough to compensate for how many people die every day? I think more babies are being born than folks dying. Is that a good thing? Probably. Maybe not. Do you wonder how it all works together? It's miraculous. It's big. Think of the tiniest little bug you've ever seen. Think how little it was. Think of the stray cats you've seen on the road. Think of the homeless people in your city, where they are, where they live, where they can find a place to lay their head. Think of how hard some people fight to live when they find out they have cancer. What about those who choose not to fight? Decide to succumb to the disease? Or decide they are tired of fighting for anything? Life, air, a new day, love, anything.....

What makes me sad is watching those who are left behind deal with death.

I have a neighbor. I haven't talked about this here, and maybe I won't even do it now, tonight, but it's been a super odd line for me to walk. And as much as it is not one percent about me, in the slightest, somehow I've succeeded in making it about me, selfishly finding that I am having a hard time extending my hand. They are dealing with death; the death of their teenage daughter. It's there in black and white, she is gone. She was brave, she fought, she had cancer, we did not know her, in fact, I never met her. But she was still strong, brave, smart, and beautiful, as we learned and were witness to by the sheer showing of her friends and family at Mass the night before her funeral four or so weeks ago. She fought to live.

Some folks are ready to go; they let go when it's time. I know this well. Some are young, some are old. They're at peace with it. Sometimes they need to hear from their loved ones it's ok for them to go and sometimes they are so willful they aren't waiting for permission or anything of the sort. They are plainly and simply, ready to go.

Think about the birds in the bird nest in a tree near your home. Protecting their eggs, building their nest day by day. Or the line of ants you see outside that as children we became fascinated with...they are all working hard for the greater good of their community. Our existence in this world is such a gift and we are so small in the grand scheme of things and how it all works together, how we make our way through this world..it's big. The decisions we make every day that allow us to continue this life sometimes seem insignificant and maybe they are...maybe the deal is that it's all fate and predetermined by God at the end of the day. Maybe that's the deal.

Funny Person

I am a funny person.

I laugh out loud when I think something is really funny. Tears are often known to spring from my eyes quickly. And I start to snort sometimes, and yes, I know that is gross, but I do...and my tummy always feels like I just did about 50 situps after a good laugh. This is how I know it's good for me.

Try it. Be silly. Laugh at yourself. People laugh at me all the time. I don't even care if it's in a making fun of way (it probably is) because in the end, I'm good with me and I know that most of the time, I'm laughing right along with them.

Signed-

Loud Laugher Me

Hiccups and Sugar!

Did you KNOW? Did you know that if you have a raging case of the hiccups (and don't we all know as adults this is the most maddening thing in the world? I mean really, I cannot BARE having the hiccups, drives me out of my ever loving MIND) that putting on teaspoon of pure sugar in your mouth makes them stop in seconds? Am I the only one who did not know this gross fact? Have you ever put a teaspoon of sugar in your mouth? It's disgusting! But it works!

Thank you kind lady from Haverty's over the phone I think you saved my LIFE! Ok, Hollywood, calm down, I know. The d.r.a.m.a. is overflowing. But fur real yo, she saved my life. I was desparate, I followed her instructions hiccups and all, and as soon as it went in my mouth, one more hiccup then done. Then I spit it all out and rinsed my mouth. Wala! No more drinking water upside down (didn't work anyway). Will wonders never cease!

Who knew?

Who Am I To Judge?

Really. Who am I? I want positive, loving, and attractive, the world is a good place thoughts running through my head. I have to work on this. I am not the judge and certainly not sitting on the jury either....

----BUT----

and I promise, after I dump this here, I'm done, moving on (ok maybe I need to verbally say this to someone so my poor honey is about to get an earful then I'll dump here and be done; really). I am in no position to judge but I have thoughts and opinions. Maybe that's my way of masking and making it ok to "judge" but hey, I'm tryin' here.

I went to McDonalds tonight to get hamburgers for the boys after work. We would eat leftovers, and the boys would be happy with burgers on the fly. When I get there, it's ghost town; awesome, no wait! I drive around the building to get in the drive through and just as I'm about at the point of the curve where the speaker box is to order, almost to the point of no one can get in front of me because of the curb on the left being parallel with the curb on the right, a lady pulls in the back way of the restaurant and literally pulls right in front of me. Please know there was not a soul behind me. She could have waited as it was very clearly obvious I was 'next up' and almost at the speaker. I only had two 'Fun Meals' to order but then, how could she know this? Maybe she was worried I was about to order 25 Big Macs and she was in a hurry, I'm trying not to be sarcastic here..but really, maybe she was in a hurry. You never know. I did not beep. I did not make any symbols in the air. I did not even curse. I quietly bit my lip thinking I was being tested. It's nothing but a thing, right? It's small. But now I'm watching her with great interest and like a hawk. Just a curious passer by of her life. Amazing all the things I saw next.

She immediately started barking her order to the speaker person, "2 cheeseburger meal (ugh) with LIGHT onion and catsup ONLY ya got that?" then she flicked her cigarette at the speaker box. Yep, it hit the speaker and fell still burning on the grass. I felt I was watching a movie or something or a TV show like it was all so dramatized, every single thing. I just thought that was disrespectful. Then I focused in on her little girl in the back seat not buckled in. Another cliche' of the kind of person I was starting to categorize her as....then back to her loud, harsh voice, "and I want a fudge sundae with double fudge on the bottom and single fudge (eh?) on the top, that's DOUBLE FUDGE ON THE BOTTOM AND SINGLE FUDGE ON THE TOP OK?" so they wrap it up, she's asked to pull ahead and she just sits there. Testing me. I'm close to blasting the horn. I refrain. She finally slowly pulls ahead. I do my thing, I pull up to pay and watch the rest of the show. She is handed her food at the window ahead of me and told to have a good night when she responds like this, "I'm not goin' ANYWHERE till I check the food." and immediately she starts yelling that the burgers are not right and the ice cream was supposed to be "double fudge on the bottom" and she was right, she wasn't going ANYWHERE. So I sat. And sat. And sat. I'm thinking, AYFKM? But I'm not saying a word, just thinking all, trying not to emit any facial expressions, at this point I'm wanting this lady to move aside and let us all get through as the line was now fully built behind me as we all sat and waited for her antics to be done. One of the burgers is handed back to her and I kid you not, she handed it right back. Finally the McDonalds lady asked her to pull off to the right and they would bring whatever it was out. She did not move. She literally turned to talk to her toddler daughter in the back and that car did not move. I watched the clock in the car and a full minute went by before she S.L.O.W.L.Y. decided to pull ahead JUST ENOUGH for me to get to the second window; BARELY. I get my two little bags and just wanted out of there, the McDonalds woman was looking ahead at her car knowing I could not get out. I couldn't take it anymore. I finally did one beep. Again with the slowly moving, she knew she was pissing me off and she liked it. I finally finagled out of there and passed her and she FLIPS.ME.OFF and yells something I could not make out.

What gives? Did she not like my van on sight? What did the world do to her? OK. Here I sit. Judging. I know this. Everyone has stuff. Maybe she has a sick child in a hospital. She could have been fired today. Her father could have died recently. Maybe she can't pay her bills. Everyone has different shoes to walk in. I of all people try so so so hard to know this, realize it, walk it, adjust accordingly. You can't know some one's story just by looking. Still. How can good come to you, good things come your way, people be kind to you when you behave that way? Tell me now. When Lucas died, I was horrible and angry and bit people's heads off all the time. The latter part of the sentence is not just a general statement, I really was angry a LOT. But please tell me I did not behave like this. Yelling at people who are serving you food, who help you make your life easier (hello you don't have to cook dinner now), cutting people off in line, flicking cigarettes at things......ok I don't smoke but you get the idea.

Am I being too judgmental? I mean, this has stayed with me all night. I could have been far uglier when she cut me off with no one behind me. I guess I'm moving on now, it really doesn't matter, but it made me think. There really ARE people like this in the world aren't there? Uninformed, uncaring, and crass like that? Seriously, who am I? I really am not the police of the world, and I don't get to sit in a throne and say what is right and what should be. I might be the Queen of my world but not anyone elses. I'm all done but really, this just really drove home my whole mentality about putting kindness out there even when you don't feel it inside.

What have YOU done today to make someone elses life easier? Me?

Hmm..lets's see, I complimented someone who I can tell is losing weight, lifted them up a little. I stepped out of my box and said something kind to someone else even though it killed me because I wasn't necessarily feeling it but knew it was right thing to do. I made up six bundles of flowers with ribbons and notes for all the Littlest' teachers today; it's Teacher Appreciation Week and I wanted them all to know how much we love and appreciate them for everything they do..just small things all of them.

Put it out there. What you put out there comes back to you like a magnet. Know that.

Jenn

Rabbits, Snakes, and Flowers; Oh My!

See that thing? Snakes again. Geesh. I couldn't get a pic of the whole thing, he was moving fast. I also couldn't get the setting on the camera right because I was 1) afraid to take my eyes off him 2) trying to keep my eye on the Littlest so HE didn't get him 3)he was moving too fast. Dammit, there was just too much going on in that moment. So, clearly you can see that he's not gargantuan but S.T.I.L.L. it's a SNAKE. Are you getting the heeby jeebies yet? Needless to say, this thing met it's untimely death about 2 minutes later when my hero hubby came round the calamatous corner weilding a big ole' shovel. Yeah, just let your imagination go with that one. Littlest and I retreated into the house before the guts started flying..Do the sign of the cross, go ahead, I've already asked for forgiveness on that one.

See that bunny? It's real. I think HE met HIS untimely death in our backyard last night. Not from one of us (come on, seriously, it's a BUNNY, we aren't killers for goodness sake) but whatever got him, got him good. There was fur and innards and what looked like the roof of a mouth laying in our back yard this afternoon. Nice flies buzzing too. YUCK! It was back in the area below our bedroom window but I can promise you I heard nothing last night. I was too busy sawing logs and must've been deep in it. For the record, we really DON'T live in a forrest. We aren't in the country people. There is a lakey thing, there are trees nearby and I have noticed an increase in the hawk population (love to watch them fly actually, very beautiful). This tells me, animal population around here thrives, and clearly, very clearly, it does. Phew.
These are some of the African Daisies I have in the front yard. Love them. LOVE them. They make me happy.
Here is where I de saturated some of the color. Love that too. Not quite black and white but barely color in the photo. I can't wait till I get the gumption up to print, mat, and frame all my flower and nature stuff. I'm still collecting thankyouverymuch. ;)

Phew. Lions and tigers and bears oh my. But round here it's rabbits and snakes and flowers oh my.

GN!

PS I'm watching a repeat of Michael Moore on Larry King; up way too late "doing things" (Bean!). They're getting me all riled up on politics for this late hour. Need to turn that mess off. I hear it enough in the day hours.....ya think?

Hair Part II

-J

Hair

I got up the nerve (and I WAS nervous; silly me) to get my hair cut. Before she made the first cut, I said, "wait." like when I was a little girl and told the dentist to "wait" before he gave me the shot for my filling..? Like that. "Wait." Just a simple, I'm not sure about this, give me a second here, "wait". I backpeddled for a moment and said to her, "well you could just clean it up and I'll stay with what I have..." know what she said? She said, trying not to cover the slight irritation in her voice :) she said, "Change is good." Hmm. Really? "Change is good, go ahead." I said.

Done. It's short and sassy and I really rather love it. Trendy, smooth and chic is my perception. A change from what I had. Trying so hard to grow it out. Trying so hard not to change but feeling the waves knocking me on the tiny sandy beach, giving me a message that change was needed. See how this is applying to more than my hair here?

Yeah, it is. It did. And now it's done. Huge, huge, sigh of relief. Moving on, slowly, step by step............I'm getting there.

Thanks you know who.

I love you.

So. I say it a lot. I say it a lot during the course of one day to my boys. Is it too much? Maybe. Probably. It's been pointed out that maybe if I say it too much, it might lose some of its meaning. Maybe. I can see that. But how do I stop? Do I stop?

I am so afraid that something will happen (and one day it will) and I won't have said it to one of them when I should have. Do they love to hear it? Hate to hear it? Do they even HEAR it? I don't know. I'm not about to go digging around and ask them to TALK TO ME ABOUT IT because if you know me even a little, you probably know the boys (adult and children) get talked to death. When they hear, "hey come here, I want to talk to you" I'm sure every bone.in.their.body. wants to run the other direction and fast. Poor them.

But good God I love them. So I tell them. A lot. I will try to do it less but not much less. Just be more mindful. If there isn't love, and strong never ending unyeilding love, what else is there? And GG if I missed a time I should have been more clear, well, let me tell you now, let me tell them now...

To my boys~
I love you endlessly and with a million hearts. I only have one to give even though it feels like a million--and it's all yours.
Mom