Oldest

Oh my goodness. He's growing. So fast. Like lightening. Loves new things, does new things, I'm sensing he is really 'growing up'. I know he is, obviously he is, but manners, use of restraint, thinking about things before doing them...I'm watching in amazement and pride. Granted, two minutes later he's egging on the Littlest and instigating a fight for no reason when my bubble is promptly burst but you know, I enjoy it while I can.

Playing the guitar, loves golf, draws for fun, reads without being forced (really, for sometimes 1-2 hours) loves to be outside now (didn't used to be that way).......

Growing, growing, growing. I better watch out. It'll be gone just like that. Love moments like this afternoon when we sat together just he and I making things for people. Creating together. Nice times. That's what got me going with all this in my mind. I appreciate what he is becoming. Good kid, lots of love in his heart. Love that. Love him.

-J

Seasons

They change don't they? So fast and with the whip of the wind, they change. Suddenly Halloween is behind us and Christmas is here. I just love this season. I love how the crisp air and frost on the morning grass quietly says 'get ready, Winter is coming'. I love how sometimes you can smell someone's fireplace going somewhere in the neighborhood.

We were driving home tonight after a very nice day with our families and a few houses dotted along the way were already lit up in the yards. Christmas music playing in the car and the boys chattering in the back it simply felt peaceful. What is it about this time of year? I know we are so very blessed and maybe in some regards; lucky. Not all are. Do we have a perfect life? Not even close. Not saying we do, just that what we do have is a lot and I realize it.

It's similar to something in the air but so very intangible. You can't see it, smell it, touch it, not even if you tried could you. But it's there and it's real. I really love seeing yards with simple displays that just say "Happy Holidays" without even a sign or a word. Now the ones that have something on every empty spot on the lawn? Notsomuch. Simplicity speaks volumes to me. Much appreciated by my mind and eyes.

In the blink of an eye this Christmas will be gone and I for one will try to slow it down and relax; taking it all in and stopping what I'm doing when the boys say "mom come play with us". These are the days of our lives. Aren't they?

Gas

It's $1.73 a gallon here. That is the lowest I've seen it in years I believe. It seems off. Like the guy I heard tell his wife in WalMart the other day (and I agree), "I feel like I should be giving them more money." Yeah. Tell me about it. They want us to forget about pushing for alternate energy initiatives. I haven't forgotten it. T. Boone Pickens put his plan on hold. Not sure why, and wish he didn't but maybe no one was buying into it. Maybe when gas starts going up again he'll make another big push for it.

$1.73 a gallon. Makes you wonder, is it more than the economy? Is someone pulling those strings? Yah, I pretty much think so. Meanwhile I'll take the savings. It's the perfect time for it.

-J

Sick...

Why when a man gets sick does he get to drop off the face of the Earth for 1-3 days if not longer? When a woman gets sick, we have to keep going. No one gives us a pass. It isn't even a thought.

Next time I'm sick, wonder what would happen if I did that? You know what would happen? Nothing. My point exactly.

Vent session complete.

It's Funny..

It's funny how difficult things can draw you closer or pull you apart from the one you love the most in the world. It's funny isn't it? When you are going through tough times that no one even knows about, just the two of you, it can be stressful. Things escalate. Feelings get hurt. Everyone's edgy. You feel like the bottom has to fall out any minute now and yet, you keep it all together. Somehow you become stronger. Where does it come from, this strength? Is that what love does?

Relationships are not easy. They aren't perfect and sometimes not even close. Then out of the blue you realize the glue that binds you is stronger than the heat that melted it; the glue will re coagulate. It always does. When things cool off.

We've lost jobs. We've lost a child. We've had a miscarriage too. We've lost parents. We've fought. Our disagreements are full of high passion. Our agreements are as calm as the bay on a sunny afternoon-and that's most of the time. It's a good mix. How can you love more deeply after all of these things? Why is that? I'm clueless. We could have let the losses knock us down. I could right now not be trusting with all my heart. I could have walked away after we buried Lucas. Here I sit. In this wonderful place we've made a home. I stayed in this life. Times are tough and the change is here but so am I. I haven't wavered or flinched, I am just standing strong. So there you go. Maybe it's the grace of God. I don't really know.

I'm a doey eyed romantic who loves loves loves when the guy gets his girl or the girl gets her guy. I love all those movies and books where the ending is happy and they stuck it out and made it through. It's pure rock solid resolve.

Today I had a Terrible, No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day. It was just one of those days. I left work, ran my errands, and came home to a man, my best friend, who took care of me. He told me to lay down for a while and he covered me head to toe, almost literally in blankets and tucked pillows around me and with the gray rainy day outside the windows, he kissed my nose and I fell away from the world for a minute. Feeling utterly loved. It didn't matter. It didn't matter what was wrong or the problems of the day; he was there and just made it better. I am quite lucky. I hope he knows I know that. WE are quite lucky. Now to go about giving some of that back to the world.............................. that's the easy part.

Thanksgiving Stuff

Will you be making your own meal this year? What will you be doing? Do you have your list? What recipes are on tap? I've been thinking....the past 2 years we've starting making our own, very own, just for the four of us Thanksgiving dinner. Not leftovers from my parents or his family, our very own whole meal. Imagine! :) What took us so long to figure out that 'hey, we can do this too, just us!'...and we did.

I want to try a few new things but uh, you all know that I cannot really cook that fantastically, right? I try and when I focus and get in a groove, ever now and then one or two things come out decent. :) So here is what I'm thinking...

• I definitely want to do roasted pumpkin seeds. Done. Just because and for the kids and for a snack. Done.


• Homemade yeast rolls. Done.


• New (not boxed stuffing) recipe for stuffing; I'm on a mission.


• Corn Casserole (of course)


• cranberry sauce ala' fresh cranberries; no cans here.


• Want different potato dish


• sweet potato casserole

to name a few things. I'm getting my list together and I'm researching like a maniac.

Thankful? I'm thankful for a ton, more than I can mention without going on for too long and boring you to tears..

My life. Our life together. Ups, downs, and all the in betweens; I'll take them anyday. It's so easy to get caught up in the woe is me but I know to my core we are blessed and there are many, many others in our world who are not. I said this recently but each day is a gift and I am oh so lucky and blessed to be able to unwrap it's box every day. I am thankful. I am grateful. I am blessed. Even for the little footsteps I hear running around upstairs at this hour as I put him to bed almost 45 minutes ago now...I'm even grateful, way too grateful for that. For the friends that I have, and particularly for the best friend I have grown with, I am thankful. I really am. My family, my parents, my sisters, my in laws, to have them all around us, it's a good thing.

Jenn

Drawing a Blank

Lately.

Lots going on. Maybe too much and nothing coming to the forefront.

-J

History Today

Either we'll have our first African American President or we'll have our first female Vice President. Amazing to me and glad I could be part of it all. We have to pull together and make whatever result we get work as a country.

Time to Laugh; Ok, At Least Chuckle

If you know me well, really well, you know that I fall a lot (I really do). I can think of a good 5-10 distinct times in my adult years where I have fallen; and fallen dramatcially hard. I am no longer surprised when I fall in fact. It's a wonder I have not gotten seriously hurt by now...

Most recently, one super cold morning last week, I had just gotten the Oldest onto the school bus and was not feeling well. Felt very low energy and maybe a sinus thing brewing and there I was with no jacket on and my sweater felt like a piece of tissue paper; I was freezing. So from the depths of somewhere in me, I challenged myself to start running from the bus stop. It was more of a self dare, a 'run all the way home, get over yourself, you'll feel better, full of energy, do it, ready..set...go!' if you will. So in my crocs, in a split second really dumb decision, I began to run. I started to realize it was warming me up so I ran faster, coughing and all, there I was, running all the way home in my crocs. I passed another mom and didn't care what she thought, I don't know her at all, just say hello from time to time and kept going. Clearly thought I was cool. Look at me, I'm running and I'm going to make myself feel better. Whatever. What a doh doh.

I get almost diretly in front of my house and I'm not slowing down; I'm almost to the driveway and it happens. The rubber croc catches the cement and the next perilous step was unavoidable...all in slow motion the rest happened..I fought it for three VERY slow steps that seemed to take a life time. I kept trying to catch myself and found I was getting closer to the ground. After the third step I finally gave in to gravity and said 'just fall, go ahead, fall down' and WA BAM!!!! I'm sprawled all over the court in front of my house. My hands on fire, my right knee stinging beyond belief and my pride non existant, I stared at the gravel so close to my nose. I heard a voice in my head saying "get up, get up, get up" knowing that Mom who I so "cooly" passed moments ago was probably behind me watching the whole show. I slowly turn my head without moving my body and well of COURSE, she's standing there watching me with great interest.

She said, "You ok?"

"Oh yes" I yell out, "I'm fine! That's what I get for running!" and I get up despite the pain and embarassment. I stand up, brush myself off, and run all the way home. Ha! Take that Mom who saw me! I'm so cool, I kept running even though I was an idiot to do it in the first place! Aren't I the bomb? Yeah. That's me. Nerd of the world.

And the funniest part? Running did NOT make me feel better. I felt WORSE. Could barely breathe but I challenged myself and I did it. That's how crazy competitive I am. Even with myself. I got inside the house and couldn't breathe, hands stung so bad that alone was taking my breath away. I told the story to my husband and smart man that he is, first, he made sure I was ok. Once assured I was really fine he laughed. Notice laughing came second. Mmm hmm. That's right. If laughing came first, there would have been trouble. :)

At least I can laugh at myself. When will I learn? Who runs in Crocs? Oh..I guess me. Go ahead, put the dunce cap on me. I totally deserve it for that one.

Our boys

They are the best. The silliest. They drive me crazy with their arguing but then they crack me up at the same time. They are so close that they fight and right after both apologize and if one doesn't get an apology his feelings are mortally wounded and he shows it (they both do this). Lots of times I get a 'Moooooom, the Littlest just hit me and didn't say he was sorry!!! Say you're sorry! Moooooooooom!!!!' and the Littlest does the same, 'Mommy the Oldest just looked at me and he won't say he's sorry. Tell him to say it' Phew. Guess that's how it goes with brothers. What would I have done with girls? The world will never know (and I mean NEVER).

:)

-J

Tonight

Looking forward to the first time in a LONG LONG time that my honey and I get to go out alone, not have to come scurrying back for the kids, no worries and come home late if we want. First time EVER we are leaving the Littlest over night. Phewey! Maybe a little celebration, relaxing, maybe some dancing up my sleeve, who knows.

It's the little things in life. Absolutely is. I am really very much looking foward to it.

-J