Life's a dance, you learn as you go.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don't worry 'bout what you don't know,life's a dance, you learn as you go.
The longer I live the more I believe you do have to give if you wanna receive.
There's a time to listen, a time to talk.
And you might have to crawl even after you walk.
Had sure things blow up in my face, seen the longshot win the race.
Been knocked down by the slammin' door.
Picked myself up and came back for more.
Life's a dance. Take a chance on love.
This is part of the lyrics from a song by John Michael Montgomery.
Heard it today on the radio and not only had I not heard it in awhile, it brought tears to my eyes. Why am I so sappy lately? What? Why? UGH.
Regardless, the words of the song are true. Yes, they are. Sink or swim you gotta give it a whirl.
Hence I will be researching to write for my business plan. Starting now. Sink or swim.
Jenn
You cook, you clean, you go to work, you nourish, you love, you scold, you are professional and yet you hang your hat on every dust particle in your home. You are a woman. Some women are Moms and some are not. You are still a woman. We are all made similarly. We are strong.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Singers
My favorite singers that I enjoy the most are all guys. Hmmmmm. Now I'm not saying they're all attractive, that isn't my reason. It just turns out I like them all for different reasons. None of them are ugly. But I like their songs, their voices, the beats etc.
Rob Thomas
Phil Collins
Rascal Flats
Phil Vassar
Tim McGraw (now I must say he ain't all that hard to look at.....but his voice rocks too)
I also like these female artists
Kelly Clarkson (sorry so 'pop')
Faith Hill
Would I love to go to any of these concerts? O yeah. BUT the guy list are my absolute favorites. I could listen to Rascal Flatts all day. I don't know why. Rob Thomas? I LOVE his voice. Call me crazy. I have much to do. MUCH. I'm done with this today.
J
Rob Thomas
Phil Collins
Rascal Flats
Phil Vassar
Tim McGraw (now I must say he ain't all that hard to look at.....but his voice rocks too)
I also like these female artists
Kelly Clarkson (sorry so 'pop')
Faith Hill
Would I love to go to any of these concerts? O yeah. BUT the guy list are my absolute favorites. I could listen to Rascal Flatts all day. I don't know why. Rob Thomas? I LOVE his voice. Call me crazy. I have much to do. MUCH. I'm done with this today.
J
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Teeth
The littlest will be getting two teeth any day now. He's slobbering all over everything and his little gums are so swollen. I can see them budding through his gums, little white teeth ready to sprout; can see them perfectly like they are just waiting to come through the final layer of skin.
Time is flying! It's crazy. One minutes he's an infant and I'm feeding him every two hours and losing my mind with exhaustion and the next he's getting teeth and clapping on demand. Stop and smell the roses they say. Man, if you don't, it will all pass you by in the wink of an eye.
Just teeth. Tha's all.
Jenn
Time is flying! It's crazy. One minutes he's an infant and I'm feeding him every two hours and losing my mind with exhaustion and the next he's getting teeth and clapping on demand. Stop and smell the roses they say. Man, if you don't, it will all pass you by in the wink of an eye.
Just teeth. Tha's all.
Jenn
Spring has sprung
This is all I wanted to say about that.
The trees are white or pink. The white butterflies are out. The temperature is mild. The sun is shining.
Spring has sprung in this part of the world. Time for new life to start living.
--J
The trees are white or pink. The white butterflies are out. The temperature is mild. The sun is shining.
Spring has sprung in this part of the world. Time for new life to start living.
--J
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Anger
It all came out tonight on the way home from pictures with the cousins. The oldest started crying again and lashed out. He said he misses his brother and he's mad at the doctor. Why did he have to go to that doctor he wanted to know between tears and sobs? I'm up front, driving, trying to remain calm, trying not to cry. Trying to calm him down. It was getting dark outside if not already and I really had to focus on the road. The littlest was asleep in the car seat. Someone should put him out of business he said. I agree I said. He shouldn't be a doctor he said. I agree I said.
NOW. Let me tell you. If you are reading this and know nothing of the situation, I'm sure it would be easy for you to think, "oh this is the anger of a mother and son who lost their son/brother and they still can't properly deal with it and are lashing out wrongly at the doctor. Doctors are only human after all." Yes, it's true they are human. Of course. But we DO know things about this doctor now. He really SHOULDN'T have operated on the middlest. The anger is well placed. I can assure you. I also don't want the oldest to grow up with a chip on his shoulder, at some point he does need to deal and let it go. Right now the right thing to do is let him express it.
He came inside when we got home with an attitude. Just sat there and turned on a music channel on TV and stared at nothing. Listening to music. I'm looking at him thinking, this is the behavior of a teenager. I used to do that when I was a teenager. Trying to shut the world out. I go to him and whisper "it's ok, your brother is ok." He looks at me and asks if he misses him from Heaven. Later, he was at the computer and asked my husband that same question again.
This is our life people. We deal with it every day come rain or shine. It doesn't really go away. It hasn't faded but for a little bit. We walk this path as a family. I suppose that's how it should be.
Lucas, you are loved. Fiercely.
NOW. Let me tell you. If you are reading this and know nothing of the situation, I'm sure it would be easy for you to think, "oh this is the anger of a mother and son who lost their son/brother and they still can't properly deal with it and are lashing out wrongly at the doctor. Doctors are only human after all." Yes, it's true they are human. Of course. But we DO know things about this doctor now. He really SHOULDN'T have operated on the middlest. The anger is well placed. I can assure you. I also don't want the oldest to grow up with a chip on his shoulder, at some point he does need to deal and let it go. Right now the right thing to do is let him express it.
He came inside when we got home with an attitude. Just sat there and turned on a music channel on TV and stared at nothing. Listening to music. I'm looking at him thinking, this is the behavior of a teenager. I used to do that when I was a teenager. Trying to shut the world out. I go to him and whisper "it's ok, your brother is ok." He looks at me and asks if he misses him from Heaven. Later, he was at the computer and asked my husband that same question again.
This is our life people. We deal with it every day come rain or shine. It doesn't really go away. It hasn't faded but for a little bit. We walk this path as a family. I suppose that's how it should be.
Lucas, you are loved. Fiercely.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Feeling It
Don't know why; can't shake this headache.
Tomorrow must be better. I went to a fantastic store with my Mom today and expected to spend 'some' money. I fully expected to walk out of there with a bag. Uh uh. Nothing. I love all of the clothes. Beautiful, vibrant colors. Love it. Every top or jacket I tried on I hated. HUH? Every time I looked in the mirror, I couldn't get whatever thing it was I was trying on off fast enough. My face was pale. My hair was flat. I had no makeup. Ka Wah. I'm just complaining here. Stupid.
I'm going back. When I'm in a better mood, when I took care of my appearance, when I lose five more pounds, SOON. I usually take care of my appearance when I go out. I just do. Not 100% of the time, of course not but typically, I make an effort to look at least put together. Today I just flew out the door with her. So excited to get there....
And this headache. Go away already! Tomorrow will be better. Huh? Not to mention I'm halfway through my book. I read this book every month. Once a month I read this book. I hate reading this book. It sucks. It's the same thing every time. And my husband says he feels for me, he wishes he could read this book. Ha! Right. Men wouldn't know WHAT to do with this book. I wish I could tear up the pages and toss it in the river. But it keeps coming back and I keep having to read it OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
Yes I've been in a funk. Call me out. Let me have it. Ka Wah.
Jenn
A Mom, A Wife, and a Writer. That is me.
Tomorrow must be better. I went to a fantastic store with my Mom today and expected to spend 'some' money. I fully expected to walk out of there with a bag. Uh uh. Nothing. I love all of the clothes. Beautiful, vibrant colors. Love it. Every top or jacket I tried on I hated. HUH? Every time I looked in the mirror, I couldn't get whatever thing it was I was trying on off fast enough. My face was pale. My hair was flat. I had no makeup. Ka Wah. I'm just complaining here. Stupid.
I'm going back. When I'm in a better mood, when I took care of my appearance, when I lose five more pounds, SOON. I usually take care of my appearance when I go out. I just do. Not 100% of the time, of course not but typically, I make an effort to look at least put together. Today I just flew out the door with her. So excited to get there....
And this headache. Go away already! Tomorrow will be better. Huh? Not to mention I'm halfway through my book. I read this book every month. Once a month I read this book. I hate reading this book. It sucks. It's the same thing every time. And my husband says he feels for me, he wishes he could read this book. Ha! Right. Men wouldn't know WHAT to do with this book. I wish I could tear up the pages and toss it in the river. But it keeps coming back and I keep having to read it OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
Yes I've been in a funk. Call me out. Let me have it. Ka Wah.
Jenn
A Mom, A Wife, and a Writer. That is me.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Beauty Mock
So the oldest was giving me a fit before bedtime. He usually doesn't. He was quite defiant. At one point, he gave me a twisted up face that under normal circumstances I would have laughed at. I had to keep my straight face and feign a stern and unyeilding persona. So I did. The face got uglier and he was really trying me. I snapped. I said to him, "Are you mocking me?" to which he said, "I am NOT mocking IT! I am NOT mocking IT!" and I'm thinking, (HUH? Mocking it?) then he quickly and quietly said, "Mom, what does mock mean?" and I tried not to smile. "Make fun of" I said, "Are you making fun of me?" and he said that he wasn't. Not two seconds later he said, "Mom what's a beauty mock?" I couldn't hold it in. I was doing so well, being so uncompromising, making him tow the line without breaking a sweat or a letting out my giggles. ---I began laughing uncontrollably. He kept saying it over and over and over because he loved that I was laughing but he didn't get it, he had no idea why I was laughing and really, neither did I! I think it was just the innocence of a child and hearing his little voice ask me what a beauty mock was. Of course, what he really meant was, 'beauty mark' and further he really meant, birth mark. He later told me it was his plan to tickle my funny bone. :) Love that.
I love kids. I just flat out love them. Can we bottle it all up? No. I think I've asked this question before. Now THAT would be an invention, wouldn't it?
A Mom, A Wife, and a Writer. That is me.
I love kids. I just flat out love them. Can we bottle it all up? No. I think I've asked this question before. Now THAT would be an invention, wouldn't it?
A Mom, A Wife, and a Writer. That is me.
Sally Hanson
So, not just because my BIL (brother in law)
The nail products really work. They have so many really it's hard to know if you are getting the right thing but depending on if your nails are soft or split easily or are just brittle, there are different things. I will tell you though, all of their strengtheners (is that a word) work like a charm. It's a little pricey but it's so worth it. Check it out. Plus they have pretty colors with strengtheners too.
They have lotions which work very very well. They have makup and cover up which blends so nicely, you think I'm kidding and I'm not one to tout stuff for no reason, but all of their products are excellent. And the funny thing is, if he had never started working for the company, I would never have tried any of this stuff. I'm glad I have! He has given me some stuff (thanks Uncle T) but I have also purchased some stuff too. Everything they make is really good. They have manicure stuff and pedicure stuff; lotion and scrubs for feet, I'm telling you, all kinds of stuff.
Next time you're at WalGreens or WalMart or a drug store, go to the makeup aisle (all you girls that is) and check it out. Not cheap but not horribly expensive and SO worth it. My nails usually peel and split and are so bendable but when I keep up with the polishes/clear coats they have, they are incredibly strong and never split and peel. AND it doesn't take long for them to start getting stronger. :)
Sally Hanson, check it out! From one gal to another! ;<)
Peace out.
J
The nail products really work. They have so many really it's hard to know if you are getting the right thing but depending on if your nails are soft or split easily or are just brittle, there are different things. I will tell you though, all of their strengtheners (is that a word) work like a charm. It's a little pricey but it's so worth it. Check it out. Plus they have pretty colors with strengtheners too.
They have lotions which work very very well. They have makup and cover up which blends so nicely, you think I'm kidding and I'm not one to tout stuff for no reason, but all of their products are excellent. And the funny thing is, if he had never started working for the company, I would never have tried any of this stuff. I'm glad I have! He has given me some stuff (thanks Uncle T) but I have also purchased some stuff too. Everything they make is really good. They have manicure stuff and pedicure stuff; lotion and scrubs for feet, I'm telling you, all kinds of stuff.
Next time you're at WalGreens or WalMart or a drug store, go to the makeup aisle (all you girls that is) and check it out. Not cheap but not horribly expensive and SO worth it. My nails usually peel and split and are so bendable but when I keep up with the polishes/clear coats they have, they are incredibly strong and never split and peel. AND it doesn't take long for them to start getting stronger. :)
Sally Hanson, check it out! From one gal to another! ;<)
Peace out.
J
M&M's are Really Football Fields...
Did you know??
M&M's Are Really Football Fields ----Eat one little M&M candy and you are walking the full length of a football field to burn it off. The small 60-cent bag of M&M's (with 53 M&M's ) is 53 football fields. A can of Budweiser Beer is 36 football fields. A Snickers Bar- 54 football fields. A slice of pizza- 80 football fields.
Chomp on that for a while why doncha....
ONE of those little candies...just ONE go ahead and put it in your mouth but then put on your walkin shoes because OMG you need to go burn it off but the only way to do is walk the length of a football field.
CRAZY.
M&M's Are Really Football Fields ----Eat one little M&M candy and you are walking the full length of a football field to burn it off. The small 60-cent bag of M&M's (with 53 M&M's ) is 53 football fields. A can of Budweiser Beer is 36 football fields. A Snickers Bar- 54 football fields. A slice of pizza- 80 football fields.
Chomp on that for a while why doncha....
ONE of those little candies...just ONE go ahead and put it in your mouth but then put on your walkin shoes because OMG you need to go burn it off but the only way to do is walk the length of a football field.
CRAZY.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Forwards...
I love you all but I want you to know.....
I hate forwards.
If one more person sends me a "forward" I will yell, spit and my sunken, sarcastic brain will swell up and explode! To me, if someone is only sending you 'forwards' and nothing else, no personal notes EVER then hello????? Something is quite wrong. I have even responded to someone (while holding my ever brittle tongue) and (once receiving one of the hundreds that are sent to me) instead of ignoring it or deleting it or commenting "cool forward" I sent a PERSONAL note. Imagine that? And guess what? They never respond! How absolutely hilarious is that? Never not once~!
Get with it people. If you are hung up on forwarding people all the time (and I'll admit some of them are COOL, no doubt) at least take the time to drop your 100 people on your 'forward' list a litte note now and again. What's that you say? That's too many people to send personal notes to? Well, now there's the dilemna. So then don't send them this other junk then either!
Sorry folks, I'm in a funk. I'm not using you as my punching bag, simply stating what many people don't have the nerve to say. Sing it from the rooftops I say!
No more forwards.....No more forwards.....no more forwards! (If that's all you're ever going to send that is.....)
NOW to those of you who I might just have offended, off with your heads.
A Mom, A Wife, and a Writer. That is me.
I hate forwards.
If one more person sends me a "forward" I will yell, spit and my sunken, sarcastic brain will swell up and explode! To me, if someone is only sending you 'forwards' and nothing else, no personal notes EVER then hello????? Something is quite wrong. I have even responded to someone (while holding my ever brittle tongue) and (once receiving one of the hundreds that are sent to me) instead of ignoring it or deleting it or commenting "cool forward" I sent a PERSONAL note. Imagine that? And guess what? They never respond! How absolutely hilarious is that? Never not once~!
Get with it people. If you are hung up on forwarding people all the time (and I'll admit some of them are COOL, no doubt) at least take the time to drop your 100 people on your 'forward' list a litte note now and again. What's that you say? That's too many people to send personal notes to? Well, now there's the dilemna. So then don't send them this other junk then either!
Sorry folks, I'm in a funk. I'm not using you as my punching bag, simply stating what many people don't have the nerve to say. Sing it from the rooftops I say!
No more forwards.....No more forwards.....no more forwards! (If that's all you're ever going to send that is.....)
NOW to those of you who I might just have offended, off with your heads.
A Mom, A Wife, and a Writer. That is me.
Stuff
Blog wars. Its crazy. You can get sucked in easy. If you have the time that is.....
This person and that person and he said she said and this worming through all these blogs OMG it's friggin crazy. I do not have time for it. The important stuff is here in front of me. My here and now. Not in some world of savvy instananeous faux friends. That is insane.
My blog is not meant to be that. If it is, I'll cut it short now. I have gone here and there. I have read this site and that. But it's only now I see them all linked together, I start to see the same 'bloggers' on all these different sites and I have to stop myself. What are you doing? You are becoming one of them. Like a cyborg addicted to metal or something. It's getting to wierd. The funny thing is, probably a large percentage of them have never met, will never meet, or have no intention of meeting yet they all seem to "know" each other. Nutty.
My blog here is a place for me to come and vent and say how I feel and maybe garner how you feel but I don't mean for it to be that. My GOD if it is, if it's some pandering begging site or some huge soap box where I yell and scream and can't get over myself about one topic and it starts into some war with somone else who I DON'T EVEN KNOW then please someone slap me. Just get it over with....
I have many other things on my mind but this was first and formost. Check ya later.
This person and that person and he said she said and this worming through all these blogs OMG it's friggin crazy. I do not have time for it. The important stuff is here in front of me. My here and now. Not in some world of savvy instananeous faux friends. That is insane.
My blog is not meant to be that. If it is, I'll cut it short now. I have gone here and there. I have read this site and that. But it's only now I see them all linked together, I start to see the same 'bloggers' on all these different sites and I have to stop myself. What are you doing? You are becoming one of them. Like a cyborg addicted to metal or something. It's getting to wierd. The funny thing is, probably a large percentage of them have never met, will never meet, or have no intention of meeting yet they all seem to "know" each other. Nutty.
My blog here is a place for me to come and vent and say how I feel and maybe garner how you feel but I don't mean for it to be that. My GOD if it is, if it's some pandering begging site or some huge soap box where I yell and scream and can't get over myself about one topic and it starts into some war with somone else who I DON'T EVEN KNOW then please someone slap me. Just get it over with....
I have many other things on my mind but this was first and formost. Check ya later.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Aching Heart
Today my heart has been heavy; I guess it comes and goes without much notice. To put it out of my mind, to compensate for it, I make myself incredibly busy. Sometimes it works. Today, maybe not so much.
I wonder when I'll stop writing about him. How I feel about having lost that sweet baby. Do you think it'll ever subside, really?
I think about the details of everything a lot. I think you all would be surprised at how much; still. Sometimes, I feel guilty if I am feeling happy. I think I am doing well and I like that I am doing well then I think, that can't be good. What about Lucas? And it starts.....
It's just the most intense overwhelming thing ever. And I thought (and maybe it has but I'm afraid to allow myself feel it) that the arrival of the littlest would make it all better. He's been here seven months. He brings his own joy to my heart. But nothing has taken away the sadness or sorrow I had for Lucas. Ohhh..........sometimes I just want to rip my brain out. Rip my heart out. Stop it all. Stop the what ifs that I proclaim to have stopped asking myself.
I am patiently awaiting the calm and acceptance. I am patiently waiting the no more tears in private for no reason. I am patiently waiting....
--J
I wonder when I'll stop writing about him. How I feel about having lost that sweet baby. Do you think it'll ever subside, really?
I think about the details of everything a lot. I think you all would be surprised at how much; still. Sometimes, I feel guilty if I am feeling happy. I think I am doing well and I like that I am doing well then I think, that can't be good. What about Lucas? And it starts.....
It's just the most intense overwhelming thing ever. And I thought (and maybe it has but I'm afraid to allow myself feel it) that the arrival of the littlest would make it all better. He's been here seven months. He brings his own joy to my heart. But nothing has taken away the sadness or sorrow I had for Lucas. Ohhh..........sometimes I just want to rip my brain out. Rip my heart out. Stop it all. Stop the what ifs that I proclaim to have stopped asking myself.
I am patiently awaiting the calm and acceptance. I am patiently waiting the no more tears in private for no reason. I am patiently waiting....
--J
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Febreze
How much Febreze can one use? How many ways can Febreze be used? I dunno you might say, but lets ask your oldest son.
Guess how mad I am right now? Just guess..
and yes it has to do with Febreze.
He summed it up that I'm so mad right now that I want to squeeze his little head off. Well, that might be a little harsh (ok it is) but I'm pretty mad.
He's never allowed to touch Febreze again. Put it to you like that.
Jenn
A Mom, A Wife, and a Writer. That is me.
Guess how mad I am right now? Just guess..
and yes it has to do with Febreze.
He summed it up that I'm so mad right now that I want to squeeze his little head off. Well, that might be a little harsh (ok it is) but I'm pretty mad.
He's never allowed to touch Febreze again. Put it to you like that.
Jenn
A Mom, A Wife, and a Writer. That is me.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Be very very afraid..
SEE? Life DOES go in high speed for me. I just came to sit on the stool we have in front of the computer and when I pulled the stool up I went to lower my butt and sit and completely missed the entire chair. On my way down I knew there was nothing, not one thing I could do to stop myself or hold myself from falling so I just braced myself and BAM! I hit the floor with a thud. It wasn't graceful. I laughed out loud and my husband called down the stairs, "Are you all RIGHT?" He hears laughter and never comes down. Sad really..... he just came down and said I knew you were all right because if you weren't I would have heard some eight letter expletive (is there such a thing? Who me?????)
What is it with me and falling? Always a tumble, always a fall. Falling up the stairs at work (notice the word UP), tripping on sidewalks at the properties..it's always something. Yesterday at lunch, with the baby in my arms.....
Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.
Off to work with me. Let me rush out the door...
Jenn
What is it with me and falling? Always a tumble, always a fall. Falling up the stairs at work (notice the word UP), tripping on sidewalks at the properties..it's always something. Yesterday at lunch, with the baby in my arms.....
Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.
Off to work with me. Let me rush out the door...
Jenn
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Quick Minute
Sometimes I find my life loops. I have times of being relaxed and ok and other times I am just go go go go go and no time for anything AND worried, stressed, sad. Don't like it.
I'm going to take the boys on a walk today and bring the camera. I want us to go down to the big lake again. The trees are beautiful and in bloom. All white like popcorn trees but they are either pear or dogwood. Just a straight line right down the road way like a row of snow filled trees. But you have to be quick, they only stay like that for 4-5 days then they either turn pink or green depending on what kind they are. Every year in March. Sometimes, they bloom twice, once more in the summer. I'm not up on which one does which. I just know I love them. It's life recycling itself one more time. You know?
Sometimes I overextend myself. I just do.
Today I almost fell with the littlest in my arms. I was trying to do too much. My sister was there saying, never mind the high chair, I'll put it away and I said No I have it and I was kicking it with my feet. It was on wheels. My foot got caught in the bar at the bottom that was between the wheels and there I went. She says she grabbed me, but I didn't feel it. I saw his back bend sort of backwards and I could feel myself falling and I saw the old woman who was watching us with her husband put her hands to her mouth in slow motion and just somehow, I didn't fall. His back ended up on a table and I (and my sister) just caught the whole thing to stop the fall. My heart stopped and raced at the same time. Is that possible? He was fine. Didn't cry, nothing. But how stupid was that? All because I have to do it ALL. So stupid. Can't accept help. Nope. Not me. Uh uh. One of these days, I tell ya.
--I smell a tinky diaper. Time to tidy didy.
Jenn
I'm going to take the boys on a walk today and bring the camera. I want us to go down to the big lake again. The trees are beautiful and in bloom. All white like popcorn trees but they are either pear or dogwood. Just a straight line right down the road way like a row of snow filled trees. But you have to be quick, they only stay like that for 4-5 days then they either turn pink or green depending on what kind they are. Every year in March. Sometimes, they bloom twice, once more in the summer. I'm not up on which one does which. I just know I love them. It's life recycling itself one more time. You know?
Sometimes I overextend myself. I just do.
Today I almost fell with the littlest in my arms. I was trying to do too much. My sister was there saying, never mind the high chair, I'll put it away and I said No I have it and I was kicking it with my feet. It was on wheels. My foot got caught in the bar at the bottom that was between the wheels and there I went. She says she grabbed me, but I didn't feel it. I saw his back bend sort of backwards and I could feel myself falling and I saw the old woman who was watching us with her husband put her hands to her mouth in slow motion and just somehow, I didn't fall. His back ended up on a table and I (and my sister) just caught the whole thing to stop the fall. My heart stopped and raced at the same time. Is that possible? He was fine. Didn't cry, nothing. But how stupid was that? All because I have to do it ALL. So stupid. Can't accept help. Nope. Not me. Uh uh. One of these days, I tell ya.
--I smell a tinky diaper. Time to tidy didy.
Jenn
Thursday, March 09, 2006
My boys.
This is my boy. The one who at any given point during the course of a day can starkly remind me of Lucas and who on the other hand has his own spirit, spunk and soul and is quite his own little person.
He is more than happy and his eyes tell me a story. His lashes are like an exclamation point to the story. I am very much in love with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is my other boy. He is full of Life with a capital L. He has energy that I can't even measure. His thought processes and questions and stories are a hoot and he very much exemplifies a good boy; someone who is on track to becoming a very nice young man.I am very proud of him and how he has handled himself so far in his little life. So much to deal with and has done it with flying colors. Who could ask for more?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the picture of happiness if you ask me. Now I ask you again, who could ask for more?
Well, maybe one little thing......impossible though it may be......
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Liberty
For someone or something that means so much to you it's hard to find the right words to say when that someone or something is gone, lost. I even feel that way after having lost a child. I know the loss can be many things, a pet, a friend, a father, an uncle, it doesn't matter, it doesn't have to be a child. I do get that. It's just hard for me to show it.
So to you, I am so sorry. One of your best friends is now far away yet so very close. No more hurt, just peace. Liberty.
I wish I could make it better but I know in my heart, no one can. Not one person. Go ahead and cry it out. Later after days and months, and many moons, you'll know it was just meant to be this way.
I think sometimes I am too matter of fact about death. Maybe I'm far too jagged after all that has happened. I try not to be. I really try. But I think I feel I know it all (when really I know I don't) and I think I have a right to this death and emotions thing (when really I know I don't) and so because I'm such a vocal and verbal person and have to try to make everything right and everyone know they are justified in how they feel (because I still feel lonely about it all to this day)-----------I just say it all out there. I just do. I'm sorry if I'm too much about it all. If I'm too forthright, to any of you really, I'm so sorry. I'm just me, trying to do better, be better, and help if I can--because you know, I really have been to hell and back. I really have. At least, know it is my intention to help; not hurt.
Hugs, many hugs.
Liberty.
Jenn
So to you, I am so sorry. One of your best friends is now far away yet so very close. No more hurt, just peace. Liberty.
I wish I could make it better but I know in my heart, no one can. Not one person. Go ahead and cry it out. Later after days and months, and many moons, you'll know it was just meant to be this way.
I think sometimes I am too matter of fact about death. Maybe I'm far too jagged after all that has happened. I try not to be. I really try. But I think I feel I know it all (when really I know I don't) and I think I have a right to this death and emotions thing (when really I know I don't) and so because I'm such a vocal and verbal person and have to try to make everything right and everyone know they are justified in how they feel (because I still feel lonely about it all to this day)-----------I just say it all out there. I just do. I'm sorry if I'm too much about it all. If I'm too forthright, to any of you really, I'm so sorry. I'm just me, trying to do better, be better, and help if I can--because you know, I really have been to hell and back. I really have. At least, know it is my intention to help; not hurt.
Hugs, many hugs.
Liberty.
Jenn
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Here's the thing...
I was walking home from the bus stop this morning, enjoying the brisk air and knowing I had tons to do. Overwhelming sometimes; hell, who am I kidding, much of the time. Minding my business, walking. I notice my neighbor, nice neighbor that is, outside, with her duster. Like you know, the dust mop kind of thing you hold in your hand, type duster? I look closer, and notice that she is DUSTING HER OUTSIDE BANNISTER you know, OUTSIDE. I'm thinking, OK. Self, you have a LOOOOOOONG way to go before you gather up the wits, the time, or the engery to dust the friggin outside bannister that people hold onto BEFORE they enter the INSIDE of your home. She was merrily dusting it too. Imagine a Mary Poppins song in your heart. She was happy to do it.
Ok. I'm just sayin.....I don't even have time to dust the INSIDE of my house let alone the OUTSIDE of my house. Am I lazy? Am I so completely disorganized that I can't get it together long enough to get it all done inside then go outside and get it done there too? Somebody please! Tell me!
She is a nice neighbor. I like her. She's a bit older, she has no school age children. Maybe that's it. Ya think? The difference? So I come inside and I tell my husband blah blah blah she's out there dusting the bannister for God's sake. He laughs. I do not. He doesn't laugh like he's laughing at HER he laughs like he's laughing at ME.
I swear, I have already put the call in to the maid. You think I'm kidding. That's the funny part. You think I'm kidding.
Laugh. Go ahead. Laugh it up. Next week, it's all bon bons for me!
~yep.
J
Ok. I'm just sayin.....I don't even have time to dust the INSIDE of my house let alone the OUTSIDE of my house. Am I lazy? Am I so completely disorganized that I can't get it together long enough to get it all done inside then go outside and get it done there too? Somebody please! Tell me!
She is a nice neighbor. I like her. She's a bit older, she has no school age children. Maybe that's it. Ya think? The difference? So I come inside and I tell my husband blah blah blah she's out there dusting the bannister for God's sake. He laughs. I do not. He doesn't laugh like he's laughing at HER he laughs like he's laughing at ME.
I swear, I have already put the call in to the maid. You think I'm kidding. That's the funny part. You think I'm kidding.
Laugh. Go ahead. Laugh it up. Next week, it's all bon bons for me!
~yep.
J
Monday, March 06, 2006
Deleted.
I deleted my last entry. TMI.
I wanted to share the picture and how I was feeling about it but I suppose some things are better left unsaid or unshared. It's gone.
There are several things that I chose not to share in this venue. It's a concious decision I have made. I think I am aware and know (in most cases) most of you who read here but you know, you can't control everything and everyone who happens by. I think it would do my soul really good to be able to say it all, every thing that I feel but that's just not realistic or appropriate.
I think I have unwittingly lost 2 more pounds. If the scale is right....Now THAT I will share with you!
My week promises to be super hectic. I'm not gonna let myself get all worked up about it. Uh uh. One day at a time.
Wasn't there a show called that?
Jenn
I wanted to share the picture and how I was feeling about it but I suppose some things are better left unsaid or unshared. It's gone.
There are several things that I chose not to share in this venue. It's a concious decision I have made. I think I am aware and know (in most cases) most of you who read here but you know, you can't control everything and everyone who happens by. I think it would do my soul really good to be able to say it all, every thing that I feel but that's just not realistic or appropriate.
I think I have unwittingly lost 2 more pounds. If the scale is right....Now THAT I will share with you!
My week promises to be super hectic. I'm not gonna let myself get all worked up about it. Uh uh. One day at a time.
Wasn't there a show called that?
Jenn
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Every Year...
Inevitably, I always leave out one or two peices (not intentionally) from Christmas. All of the Christmas stuff has long been put away and just the other day I realized that I still had out Santa Frames over the kitchen sink up high with the boys pix in them. Doh! AND I still have the bright Christmas red candles in the candle holders on the mantle over the fireplace. That is eye level so no excuse, how did I miss those? It's always something different. Then they get put somewhere (not with the rest of the Christmas stuff) and I can't then find it the next year.
Try as I may to get every single thing down, I always miss something. Sort of funny, sort of not.
Life is too CHAOTIC!
Maybe the funniest thing about it is, I have yet to take them down, even though I have already realized it. How long will they stay up? Lets see.......I'll let you know when they come down.
Different topic-the youngest is rolling back to front front to back all on his own. He has been rolling from back to belly for the longest time, well over a month almost two. Today was the first time he rolled all over the living room floor. Front to back, back to front. Love it. Love it.
I'm trying to make time stand still. I'll let you know if it works....
Jenn
Try as I may to get every single thing down, I always miss something. Sort of funny, sort of not.
Life is too CHAOTIC!
Maybe the funniest thing about it is, I have yet to take them down, even though I have already realized it. How long will they stay up? Lets see.......I'll let you know when they come down.
Different topic-the youngest is rolling back to front front to back all on his own. He has been rolling from back to belly for the longest time, well over a month almost two. Today was the first time he rolled all over the living room floor. Front to back, back to front. Love it. Love it.
I'm trying to make time stand still. I'll let you know if it works....
Jenn
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Best Moment?
What was your best moment today? ......I had several.
- Went Easter outfit shopping for the kids with my sister and mom. Fun!
- Got to put red gel in the oldest's hair for Dr. Suess day at school. Fun!
- Played with J one on one; really good quality time with much bonding mamma and son. Fun!
The best of all was starting a new journal with the oldest. I told him it's the start of a new life where we focus only on the good. Got this idea from his teacher. I like it. If he misbehaved in school or didn't listen, it's likely one thing out of a hundred yet I'm focusing on the one thing. No more. In the journal, he will only write good things that happened to him that day or good things he did. Anything negative is not important (in terms of journal writing). Hence focusing on the good and getting positive attention for the good. So after he wrote his first entry, I followed suit and did mine. He read my entry and I read his. It was such a wonderful thing. I think this will be good good good. I hope it works but even if it doesn't, I can already tell he's excited about our 'new life' because at dinner I told him to tell Dad about our new idea and he said he already had. This was a good sign! So then he proudly shows him the journal and all of his homework...NOW the part that KILLED me is that he got a warning today about something that happened in music and his teacher told me it was insignificant compared to his day which was fabulous and for me not to even ask him about it. Don't focus on it she said. I followed her directions and have not asked him what he did in music (I'm dying to know...omg did he like hit someone on the head? Did he spit at the teacher? Did he sit when he was supposed to stand? Being silly but still, I'm beside myself to know!). Regardless, we'll try this out for a week or so (or however long I can take it) and see if it makes a positive difference in his behavior. I am hoping he doesn't say "oh, I won't get in trouble, not even anyone gonna ask me about what I did wrong? Wooooo HOOOO!" cause oh buddy, then we're in trouble with a capital T! He is bright. He gets it all. Doesn't skip a beat. I'm hoping he skips this beat and just goes with the flow. Focus on the positive! Ignore the negative. Only gets attention for positive things, does not get attention (or gets ignored on the) for the negative things.....
I can do this. However it turns out, the best part of my day was sitting with him, sharing and writing. That alone is worth all the gold in the world. No?
---J
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)