Happy Almost Birthday!

So man --I'm feeling OLD. It's my sister's 21st birthday coming up and I am feeling creaky bone old. Like when I climb stairs with a laundry basket filled up and heavy, I hear my knees creak with crepitis. That kind of old. I'm only 35 but man I'm feeling so old. Sorry to make her 21st birthday all about me and my creaky bones but it's my friggin blog and I can write what I want dammit!

So Beaner, what do you want? Got any ideas? I'm feeling spunky because I'm sure it's the lack of sleep setting in and you know that kind of does funny things to you. Tell me what you want. Give me an idea. Not just i tunes for goodness sake. Oy.

Here is something my friend just told me yesterday. It's an acronym (sp) for getting an infant on some kind of schedule. It's called "EASY" and it means this:

E EAT
A AWAKE
S SLEEP
Y YOU

The baby should eat, stay awake for alert time/play time, sleep (nap what have you ---yeah right I say) and then while he or she is sleeping, you get the "you" time. Kay, that's SO not happenin' for me. SO. Just sayin', not complainin', just sayin'. I'm trying but have to keep reminding myself, he's only 7 weeks old and I think I guess he's doing pretty good for that age, he does rather resist sleep in the most frustrating of ways but hey, we'll get there. One day, that sweet little bubba dubba will get there. The nickname, it's changed again. It was Jake the Snake (I think my Dad will probably always call him that, really) but then it was Jacob the little baby bear cub (too long), and now Noah has dubbed him, Jacosaur (like dinosaur). I love that one. I asked him where he got that and he said, "he sounds like a dinosaur when he talks so it's Jacosaur". Little minds think up the greatest things. So now I find myself calling him Jacosaur or Jaco (long A sound). Funny. It just catches on----huh Bean? :)

I'm in dire need of a shower, I'm sure you all can smell me from wherever you are and power to the peeps, my dear friend Tammy has smartly reminded me that we must always stay nice for our honeys. Can't let ourselves go just because they love us the way we are. Uh uh. Gotta look nice, smell nice, be nice, and if they don't notice, (this is my insertion coming up) we get to bop them on the head with whatever is in arms reach. Cause really, I think guys kind of need help in the noticing their honey departments. Really, they do. Here's what needs to happen, they need to go to Dr. Phil camp for like one week straight and that'll make them straighten up and fly right. He'll be all over their "S". Yepper. I'll email Dr. Phil and tell him he needs to do a Dr. Phil boot camp for husbands. :) It's a grandiose idea me thinks.

Back to that shower. Snuggly bubbly fresh fruity smelly here I come. You know new moms (and old too I'm sure) have been known to go three days without a shower. Shhhh. Don't tell a soul. It's our little secret.

Double beast bomb is signing off.

__Jenn__

The Boogey Man

So when I was a little girl, I used to think there was a boogey man. Actually, I thought, when I got in bed, if the covers were up to my chin, I was safe. I thought no one could get me if the covers were over my whole body. But then, I'd get hot and I'd wrestle with myself in my mind and finally would allow myself to stick my toe out so it could get air. Then I'd try to fall asleep but couldn't because I thought that the boogey man was going to cut my toe off. So I'd put it back under the covers. Then I'd be all hot again and decide it was alright to stick my elbow out from under the covers. Huge fear would well up in me and I just knew that I would die by bleeding to death from my elbow once he cut that off....so under the covers it went and so forth and so on till I probably finally fell asleep from exhaustion of this silly game I was playing. This is serious stuff when you are little. Let me tell you.

I peeked in on Noah the other night after I knew he was asleep and he had the sheets and the comforter pulled up to his ears. I checked his head to feel if he was warm and his head was soaking wet with sweat. I wondered if he too thought the boogey man would get him and stayed under the covers even on hot nights because of it. I don't dare ask him or it might put the thought into his otherwise innocent mind.

Sometimes I still think it but I catch myself. Silly girl, tricks are for kids....

Jenn

Does it really matter?

Hair and clothes and shoes and looking good? What really matters? Name brands? Having nice this and nice that? Eating the best of this or the best of that?

Ya wanna know what matters? Look at your kids. Look at your spouse. Look at the people who were devasted by Katrina, the hurricane. Look around you. While I take a look around ME, I'll do the same.

The only thing that matters is family, the children, our significant others. The other stuff that makes us feel good; material things and such whatever to that. I like it all too but I love the important stuff. Time to grow up I think. Grow up and see what life for what it really is; a gift with no promise for it's time.

So while you ask yourself if what you're upset about really matters, take stock in what really does. You figure it out.

--J

Did you know?

This might surprise you about me-

All time favorite singer: Phil Collins

Music I truly enjoy: Country (no lie)--yes I love Pop music like Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson and Rob Thomas (is he Pop?--is any of that "pop"? Ok, mainstream maybe) but I really have come to love country music and Tim McGraw pretty much tops it for me in the Country genre.

Thing I would most love to do: There are lots of things I would love to do but the thing I would MOST love to do is get the Lucas Cares Organization up and running. No one is going to hand that to me. I have to work for it, I have to earn it. No excuses, its just me and the road. I either walk the walk or keep talking the talk. One day..

What I'm all about: Being a Mom. Am I great one? Maybe not--but I try. I get mad, I get exhausted, and when those two get combined, watch out. BUT I live to love them-be there for them-read to them-teach them right from wrong (for Noah that's over and over and over again thankyouverymuch) and just plain be Mom. Nothing else matters; just that. I don't matter-I don't care about me-it's just them. Ivan is a tight second. It's about my boys. They are my world. When I was younger, I never imagined my life would be what it has come to be. Kind of idyllic in a way but only our kind of ideal. We certainly have suffered our share of deaths; Ivans Dad, my Dad, my Granny and Pa Pa, my Grandmother and Grandfather, Ivans brother, John, and of course, the most devastating of all, our son Lucas. All of these deaths have taken place at some point during our relationship. That's a lot to cope with. It sucks. It's hard. It makes you angry. During all that, I never questioned my faith. I can say I'm still now angry with God about Lucas but therin lies the answer. If I'm angry with Him and go back and forth in my thought processes--praying the whole time--then I know He is there. That alone comforts me.

Thing I never knew about my husband that blows me away: He got a mohawk a long time ago (yikes a Filipino with a mohawk!) when the group KaJaGooGoo (sp) was popular. I'm so sure his mother had a fit! I never knew this! If someone had said to me you could win one million dollars if you answer this right! Ivan ever have a mohawk or no? I would have said "not just no but h*** no!". I would have been a sore loser!

I'm getting close to wanting to lose weight again. I've been thinking about it. Don't tell me I need to lose weight. It has to be my idea. I need to see myself and really soak in what I need to do. This does not happen overnight. I need an aha moment and I've been thinking, Jacob is out of me now. No more excuses. I'm just saying, I'm just thinking about it. That's all. Just thinking. No action required yet. So don't go pushing. Kay? I'll get there...for real.

What goes around, comes around..

When I was a little girl, I was so bad. Maybe not as bad as some, but I know I was a challenge. I remember my Mom saying, "Why can't you be good like Mindy?" Oh man, I hated that. But, I admit, I was bad. I didn't listen to a word she said when I was little. I remember being reprimanded for any number of things and sitting listen to the lesson for why what I did was wrong or how to do it better or whatever and I remember sitting there purposely zoning out. Or saying, "la la la la laaaaa la la" in my head while I was getting talked to. Or looking away. I think I was famous for looking at a wall while I was getting a 'talk'. I think it probably drove my dear mother mad; I'm sure it did. I'm living this now with Noah. I can see it in his eyes, he literally cannot stand to be talked to. He fidgets, he dances, he moves around, he looks away, and when I try to command his attention back to the matter at hand (Lord help me) he sarcastically will often give me his perfectly straight eyes but I can see them; they are glassy, he is really not HEARING me.

Ivan reminded me in general of the stories I have told him and that he has heard from when I was younger and he said "Payback's a B****".

Sweet sweet Noah. Give me your attention, listen up, lend me your ear little boy for if you don't, I'll surely have to pinch it! My sister, Mindy had a Kindergarten teacher that used to pinch her ear; she hated it. I have pinched Noah's ear on occasion (just on occasion mind you :) and he too hates it.

I'm living out on the other end what I gave my parents as I grew up. What I fear the most is not what is now but what is to COME with this little boy. Hang on to your diapy's babies, we're goin' in! (quote by rugrats on Nickolodeon) It's gonna be a rough ride me thinks...

ugh.

Weekend

I just went away with my boys for the weekend. Yep. We took Jacob as little as he is on a weekend trip. We had a wonderful time; it was a lot of work with little Jake the Snake but it was fun and it was a good get away from the normalcy of my days.

I love surprises like that. The trip wasn't a surprise, no, not that. But the outcome of the trip was a surprise. I think I know it all, I think I'm right a lot (stop smiling) but when it turns out I'm wrong I always try to say it. Whether it's to Ivan or myself. What a nice surprise, this trip. We saw a good friend get married and I got to see him sing and play in a band for the first time and man, he was GOOD.

Great memories. Still tired, but great memories. Now to get back to our schedule. Jake is napping as I type. Good boy.

I have so much overflowing from my brain but it's time to be productive while the little one sleeps. More later.

Jenn

On a more serious note...

Do you think that from the day I was born, from the day my husband was born, it was determined that we would have a child and he would die as a ten month old infant?

Do you think that if we had made one different choice, done one thing different, he would be here now?

Do you think if that were the case, that we would know the difference of what we would have done vs. what we did do (and in that scenario, Lucas would still be here)?

Do you think that we are meant to mourn him till we die?

Do you think that every year, on the day of his surgery, on the day of death, on his birthday, we will try to stop time and re figure it all out, the what ifs, the whens, the hows, they whys?

On October 15 coming up, he would have turned three. I feel myself going down. It has been coming on. At first, I felt it but couldn't put two and two together. Wasn't aware why I was feeling him so strongly more and more, feeling kind of down, thinking so big picture in my head, trying to answer questions I know I cannot. But yes, right, of course, his birthday is coming. Noah has been so very verbal about Lucas this past month. More so than normal. That is wonderful but it doesn't help where my mind is.

Moms-cherish your kids. I know you do. Oh, I so know you do. But really do. Dads-protect them with all of your might. Be strong for them, lead them, love them. We only have the moment we are in. Nothing else is promised to us. Tell them you love them and don't yell. If you do, love them after the angry moment passes. Tell them you want them to know right from wrong and that is tough sometimes but you still love them. Just remember, you can't go back and re do anything. You can't. Do it now, love them now. Hug them now. Because let me tell you, God forbid, when the moment comes, whether it's us or them that is facing our mortality, we can't go back in time.

This is what haunts me to my core. I can't re do anything. I can scream to the clouds that I love him but he isn't here for me to touch, hug, bathe, and care for. It's not the same. Take it from me, take it from Ivan. It's not the same.

On a more serious note, make this moment count. I promise, I have learned this lesson well.

Commercials and Crying

What are your funniest commercials? The one that I laugh the hardest at (kay this says a lot about me let me tell you) is the one with the guy from the old Geico commercials (really boring straight laced guy) who is in the new Cheeto commerical. He walks by his co workers office real calm and says a simple phrase, "Hey homeslice" so humdrum but yet trying to sound hip and cool that the first time I heard it I laughed my famous belly laugh and poor Jacob was looking up at me in pure fear. :) Poor thing. Then the guy sits on the bag of Cheetos and the cheese explodes like a 'fart' sort of and goes all over the office and just the sight of that plus the prior verbage of homeslice just hits my funny bone. Don't ask. I called Ivan that first time and tried to explain it to him, laughing the whole time and all I got was an awkward silence. Guess you had to be there; see it for yourself. Guess so. Homeslice. LOL. This is just funny to me, a boring white guy saying "hey homeslice". This cracks me up. This will be my new term. Hey homeslice. That just makes me laugh out loud. Can you hear me now? :)

I'm sure Jacob can't hear me cause if he could, surely it would wake him up and make him cry. He's cried all day. Sure has. Makes ya kind of nutty after a while. He got a shot today and I know that's what is wrong and I've been giving him Tylenol and it seems to help a little but he's just really unsettled. Poor thing. I thought he would tucker himself out for bedtime but he seems to be a child who does not get tuckered out by crying. I am holding him whispering in his ear, rocking him and he's wailing to the high Heavens. Dry diapy, been fed, clean dry clothes, has Tylenol in him and just crying for the night.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Right homeslice?

--J

Norfolk City Jail

So someone just called us and woke me up at 12:15 a.m. thankyouverymuch from the Norfolk City Jail. My GOD! It was a collect call no less. Let me tell you why this freaks me out (as well as ticks me off considering I'm up often enough at night anyway so now I'm wide eyed and busy tailed MAD).

When we lived in our house before we moved here, we would randomly get these calls (I think from the same weirdo guy) from guess where???? Norfolk City Jail and always collect. Well, now that I think of it, maybe if you are in jail (I would never know this) you have no choice but to call people COLLECT. Duh. It would give me the heebie jeebies because it was an often enough occurance (maybe like 4-5 times total) that it would make me think strange things. Get the hint buddy! No one lives here who you think lives here, stop calling! And who was he trying to get anyway? He always mumbled the name, I think it was Angelique or something, I don't know. Look at me. I should be sleeping for God's sake, Jacob is and I'm all worked up and will likely be up in minutes to feed him what is wrong with me? ugh.

So now this call to us from the Norfolk City Jail but we have a completely new number. Totally different. What's the deal? Do they have nothing better to do so they call different numbers trying to prank for fun? Who is running the show over there? Good Heavens. I'm getting delirious. Does he want Angelique again? I'm so sure it's not the same guy unless they arrested him again and what did he do this time and how does he have our number? I think I just heard a noise downstairs. OMG someone is in our house. Nah. Kidding. Really, this isn't funny. Ivan never even moved or skipped a breath when the phone rang. I tried to tell him it was the Angelique asker forer and he just said, "uh huh". Yeah, real concern there. Wait, there's that noise again. We're all done for. Nah. Kidding. My honey, he'd get them with a broom yes he would! Right. After someone put a fog horn in his ear then he'd sit up in bed and say "Who dat?" Kidding. Seriously, I don't know who I write this for. Me or you. Right now, I'm being an idiot and need to get back to bed.

No more calls from Norfolk City Jail -- clearly they send me into tailspins. Clearly.

Tomorrow night, the story of the mobile. It's always something here in this house. I promise you. It's always something. Life is never ever ever never deee dever normal. Promise. That's a pinky promise.

Nighty night (for how long???? The world is waiting to know).

Jenn

late at night..

So when you're up late at night saying feeding the sweetest thing ever, isn't it funny what rolls through your mind?

Like-why do they call it burping a baby? I mean, think about it. We aren't BURPING for them. We are patting their backs to make them burp. And does it work really? I don't know. Is it a coincidence that they burp when we put them on our shoulder? Really, I think it is. Too many times Jacob has burped on his own even before I got him up on my shoulder. Burping a baby huh?

Are we burping them or are they burping (on) us? :)

Funny terms. Imagine the Pediatrician saying something different like, "Are you slapping his back to force the burp out?" How awful does that sound?

It's late and your mind wanders at this hour, who knows if ya even make sense. Me thinks I'm so not makin sense. My Jacob would not burp so I'm making myself stay up to make sure he doesn't wake up wailing so when I lay down, I"m out for at least one-two hours. But then he has his daily morning poop which makes the poor little bubba cry like nothing else. Poor thing. I dread it each day. Ivan seems to be the pro at handling that little situation. And I gladly hand Jacob to him during that time because it really does bother me that he cries with such intensity. Can't handle it.

Good mamma ----- eh?

peace out.

Move on!

Some (if not most or all) of the people I know just want me to move on. I have Jacob here now, don't I feel better about losing Lucas? Isn't it like this makes that better?

It's complicated but let me try to explain. I'll try not to be sarcastic about it. Promise. It's pretty short and sweet.

The answer is no. Well, it's yes and then, it's most definitely no. Yes, I am thrilled and proud and happy and just in awe that we have been blessed with one more child. Jacob is it. We have been granted one more good thing. Yes. Thank God, we have. No acidity there, no sarcasm, thats real.

However, does the fact that Jacob is here mean I am suddenly happy about Lucas? Well, I think that's a no brainer. I feel joy. Yes I do. It is indescribable though the sorrow and sadness I still feel. It's unfinished. His life was just whisked away. While it's the easiest thing for me to think about and thoughts fly through my brain with flowing ease, its much harder to describe in words; written or verbal. Someone just said to me something I think they meant to be supportive and loving and I know it's intent was that but the words fell on my numb ears. What do I say? Move on Jenn, move on. It'll be easier for us if you stopped worrying about Lucas, thinking about him, missing him. Aren't you ok yet?

Here is the nicest newsflash I can muster to give: No. I'm not ok yet. I don't think I ever will be. When I think again and again of how he suffered for naught for four months, just trying to live because we kept asking him to hang on, I begin to wonder, did I make him suffer more? If I had been more kind and more humane and seen much sooner that it was his time, that he really did not have the strength to overcome all he had to---had we given him permission to go with God sooner, would his suffering have been less? I have to be able to take some blame in all this. I point my finger A LOT at the surgeon. Yes. I do. Should I, his mother, have seen it all sooner?

I will never know. I hate myself for that. There is definite joy in our lives brought to us by both of our boys. Absolutely there is. The sadness is permanent. On a daily basis, I hide it well.

------J

Right!

It must be nice to know you are always right. What a wonderous feeling! That no matter what any doctor says, what any expert on a subject says, what a book might say (derived from fact) or even what others might have thoughts on, that YOU are always right. Sitting on your soap box and looking at the world down your nose while no one knows it. Others do not know it. It drives me NUTS. You think sometimes its even funny. I am so not amused. So not. Do you even listen to the voice of reason or is it more important to always be right? Can you ever hear yourself saying, "I'm sorry, you were right" ? I don't think so.

I am so over it.

Try looking at things from another perspective why don't you? Read a book every once in a while, read a magazine that pertains to things in your life, educate yourself on things that are important to your life. Try it! It just might make you go hmmmmmmm

Jenn

Things that make you go hmmm

They say blondes have more fun...

Here's what I say....


Do they even KNOW they are having more fun?

things that make you go hmmmm

Jenn

Please meet Jacob...

It has just dawned on me I have not shown you my sweet baby Jacob.

...the newest love of my life.


--J

oops!

Sorry. Here he is....

my doll baby.

Let him cry?

Should I let my little one month old cry it out a little? Is that too young? I'm so torn about this. Will it help him to know it's alright? I feel I should cuddle him till I can't cuddle him anymore. He's just so little.

Maybe I'll start little. Let him cry no more than 3 minutes. Go get him, soothe him. Then move to 5 minutes.... I don't know. I want him to know we are here.

What to do....

The books say it's ok. My husband says it's ok. My heart says it's not. What do you say?

The nights are getting LONGER.

Oy.

..............what to do...

J

No rest for the weary..

I'm telling you, I have tons to say, tons of thoughts on tons of things but no time to write these past few days.

To much to do, not enough time to do it and a little baby boy just wanting and needing me all the time. I love that, don't get me wrong, I live for it. It's the best. But at this moment in my life, I'm feeling pulled and stretched and tired. It's wonderful, but it's exhausting. I guess it's a good tired but it's still tired.

Maybe I'll catch a moment tomorrow. Right now, my head is aching and my back is killing me and Jacob just went to sleep for the night.

Peace out------

Jenn

Part Two...The saga continues

So, Noah was not supposed to ride the bus home yesterday. I was not supposed to BE home. He rode the bus home and for some reason, I had not made it out the door yet and lo and behold, he rang the doorbell. When I saw his face, my heart stopped. How did he get home? He doesn't know our neighborhood that well at all. How did he know how to GET home? He had this look of fear on his face.

He was supposed to go to after care for a couple of hours and they do that right there at school. Nope. He came home. I'm fine he came home, of course, but what if? What if someone had abducted him? What if he wandered out of the neighborhood? I was not at the bustop waiting for him but I most defnitely would have if I knew he was on the bus. This day and age, you cannot let your small child wander around a neighborhood on their own; too much can happen. Too much. I was freaking out. Freaking out. I called the school, they were all in a meeting and couldn't be reached.

The bus dropped off at 320 but he didn't get home till 340 and it only takes no more than four minutes to walk to the bus stop. So what was he doing? He couldn't give me an answer. When I asked him how he knew how to get home, where to go, he said, "the wind helped me, it blew to the right and so I turned right." My heart melted. I happen to think his brother Lucas was looking down on him and made sure he got home alright. Thanks Lucas. You are our angel that keeps us safe. I believe it to my core. I don't care who scoffs or laughes or rolls their eyes. I know it and I have faith in it. Lucas must have guided him home.

So his teacher called me just now and she was so apologetic. Truth is, Noah told her he was supposed to ride the bus home. Stinker. He didnt' tell me that. I'm just glad he got home alright and I'm glad that it's all straight now. His teacher now knows what exactly is to happen each day after school, no more worries. Better not be. I WILL flip out then-for real.

When does the drama ever end? When I say?

First day of school

I have to write this stuff somewhere and this seems perfect.

Noah was such a big boy today about getting on the bus. As soon as it came up the road, he ran right to it and was second on the bus. He left me in the dust, didn't even say bye to his mamma. When did it happen? When did he get so grown up? I have been telling him for eons not to grow up. (big sigh)

I've been thinking and worrying about him all day. Literally all day. He's probably as happy as he can be, learning a new environment, having fun at school, making new friends and here I am with Jacob, worrying myself to death. I know he's fine, of course he's fine! It's the parents who worry eh?

Ivan just called me. He slips in at the end of the conversation that he'll be the one to pick Noah up. Right I say! Not! I'm picking him up! He laughes nervously and says "I want to be a part of this too, I have to pick him up too." Fine, fine, fine, we'll both pick him up. It's only right. So then it dawns on me, I've not been the only one worrying and wondering and thinking about him all day, so has his Daddy. Well of course, we both love him immensely and it's the first day school, the first day of a new era, of a whole new life for him. It all starts now.

I thought I'd be fine as I walked him to the bus stop this morning. I wasn't even feeling teary at all. As soon as he RAN to the bus and didn't say good bye to me (stinker--Mr. Independant), I felt the hot tears threatening to stream down my face. There were so many other mommy's around me I dared not do it. I held it in. I watched the bus drive away and waved till I couldn't see it anymore. Sure did. Then I walked home talking with another mom, nice and calm like all was fine and well. Noah, everyone knows how proud we are of you. I'm sure it literally eeks out of me 24-7. Later, when I'm done with all this 'blogging' and I print it all for you and your brother to read one day when you can 'get it'...you'll see how much even the littlest things impact us and impact you and how much we have loved you always. All of you boys..

Life is about to change. Jacob has changed it all in his own little commando way (he's the boss of it all now--what he says goes no doubt) and Noah is starting a new day...

Hey, it's the start of a new day isn't it?

---J

No girls allowed...

Maybe it's karma.

Maybe it's that tomorrow is the first day of first grade for Noah so all of this stuff is coming out....

I don't know.

My son is saying these wild things and if my chin dropped anymore, it would be through the floor not just on the floor.

He thinks a bra is a double barrelled sling shot. He announced that to me today while we were in Kohls. There was a lady standing right beside me looking at a rack full of clothes and the look she shot me was priceless. I almost died. WHERE in the heck did he get THAT? Later, tonight, when I told Ivan about it, Ivan then asked Noah, "Son, what is a bra?" Noah responded, "it holds your bras". OMG. I can't talk about this stuff with him when he's only SIX. I mean, yes, of course, I can but no, I can't. You know what I'm saying?

Last week while we were waiting for the Pediatrician in the back office, Noah says to me, "Mom what does sexy mean?" OMG! I'm sure my face was literally FROZEN like a box of peas in the deep freezer so he took back his question and said to me, "No, let me ask you this, what does sexy (with the finger quotation marks in the air around the word sexy) mean?" To which I laughed so hard while holding Jacob on my chest he was literally rising and falling with his eyes as big as walnuts like what is my mamma doing and why is it so loud in here? I laughed so hard that Noah became alarmed and then said, "mom stop laughing, someone will think you're hurt in here" which made me laugh even harder.... my son wants to know what sexy means and then he rephrases it with air quotation marks and I'm supposed to keep a straight face? I am not prepared for this stuff yet! No way! So he still presses me for what it means and keeps doing the air quotation mark thing which keeps sending me into literal fits of laughter (any moment I was expecting the nurse to come back and check to make sure we were alright---she never did--I'm surprised as I was quite loud with my belly laughing). Finally I calm myself and I tell him that some people think sexy means you are pretty. His quick response was 'what do the other people think?'... huh??? I'm lost and still trying not to laugh (mature mature mature) and he says 'you said SOME people think it means you are pretty what about the OTHER people?" OY VEI!

Tonight he was showering and Ivan went in to check on him. He said to his Dad, "Excuse me, I'm having a shower here" like get out! Ivan walked out, looked at me in the hall, we both burst out laughing and what do you do? It's too much already!

I must construct a plan. I know the girls are going to be knocking on our door and calling our house for Noah. No girls allowed till the fortress is built. An iron wall ten feet high with no cell phone access. Yep, that's the best plan. Hear no evil, see no evil, there will be no evil. Not till he's what-----at least 40 right?

Help!

Jenn

What we are watching..

Whether you know it or not, those of us who are watching things unfold in the South with bated breath, are watching the dawning of a new era. It struck me this afternoon as we were watching CNN report on the current happenings in Gulfport and New Orleans. Never before--well, let me be clearer, five years ago, two years ago, maybe even one year ago, you would NEVER hear a reporter give his or her feelings on the news. They are supposed to be impartial and simply report the news. That is at least how it used to be. This is reality TV and news meshing together right before our eyes. The only difference now is that the folks on this reality TV show are real. They are not paid. Not at all. They have lost everything. More than everything. They have lost memories, physical things, can't pay bills, everything they spent their lives building up; it's all gone. These are not famous movie stars who are being paid to entertain us who are watching this. No. And these reporters, they are telling us what is going on, in some cases I think ill reporting (such as saying an African American is looting while a white person is 'finding food'---pure media hype, pure media errors) but maybe not in all. Telling us what is going on then telling us how they feel about it. In most cases, my feelings mirror theirs but still, it is amazing to me that they are allowed to say how they feel. Did it used to be that way? I just can't remember a time when it was like that. Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennings, Dan Rather, Katie Couric, they all report (or 'ed' in a few cases) the news and that is that.

I don't know if what I'm saying is making sense, the news media is changing right before our eyes. With the Internet and radio and TV, there are so many ways to get your news now. Maybe they have to change with the times.....I don't know. Just be careful that you are still using your brains when you listen to them--just because they feel a certain way about it and are standing there saying it's so, doesn't mean it's really so. Keep your wits about you. I know I am trying to. What I'm seeing on the televsion is devastatingly sad. More than that even. It brings me to tears. It tells me we are all so lucky. Many many of them are going to have to start their lives over again. Many lost their lives. We all live in the same country and we are all brothers and sisters. If you don't watch this and feel an ache in your heart, something is wrong. It could happen to anyone. Maybe not in the form of a hurricane but maybe in some other form. A tornado, an earthquake, a terrorist act (God forbid), anything. It's just unreal to me what has unfolded.

Reach out in whatever way you can. At the very least....say a prayer.

--Jenn

A woman's work

...is never done
...is rarely appreciated
...is taken for granted
...is hard
...can at times result in sleep deprivation
...is more rewarding often in hindsight
...can make a man's work pale in comparison


Can anyone tell I'm feeling very unappreciated lately?

--J

Down on the Farm..

Yep, life is good down on the farm. These God Forsaken Geese are going to drive us batty.
###%^&***^scrippinscrappinfrickinfrackinGEESE All over the place and they don't care what we try to do to keep them away.

We may as well buy a John Deere and till the land. Get me a cow, a horse, and a pig with all the mud and extry's and we're good to go.

Somebody get me a shot gun...


(kidding...only kidding)

--J