Dead Snake

Well, this morning, one of the baby snakes met 'the shovel'. I tried to get Noah inside but he wanted to know what his Daddy was doing. I didn't want him to see what was going on but he was dying to know what was happening. I couldn't keep him away. He said to Ivan, "Why do you kill baby animals DAD?" Oy. I was ushering him away, trying to get him to look at the spider or the bird on the roof or get him inside, he wouldn't go for any of it. SO, I had NO CHOICE but to fib and tell him that Daddy was protecting our family (well he might have been if the snake was poisonous...) and that the snake might have grown up to bite us all. That made Noah feel better. Suddenly he was looking at his Dad like, "hey your cool".

Then my Dad came over to help Ivan move a few things around in the house and he got involved in the snake thing and ultimately chopped him in half with that SHOVEL and they threw the dead snake in the lake. I'm sayin, all this over a snake. We thought it was a water snake, then we thought it was a garter snake and now we have determined (becauase Ivan took pictures and compared it to an online site) that it is truly a ribbon snake. They feed on frogs and salamanders. Not humans. Yep. But I told Noah they eat humans. Yes I did. I told him it would eat a human bit by bit, little by little. He was looking at me with big eyes. I mean BIG. Wanna know why I told him that? I told him that so he wouldn't think he Dad and Grandpa were Barbarians. We are all warped, yes we are.

Poor dead snake....

--J

My oldest child is graduating from Kindergarten this week and man I'm feeling old. It's only Kindergarten, this I know. But still....

The baby is coming too. We are beginning to get his room ready. That's exciting. I want to do some fun art stuff to his walls and so I'll get to that but Ivan needs to get the crib put together then I'll feel better. Something about the crib being put together...

Remember before I was saying 'change, change, change'? It's coming, hold on to your diapy's babies, we're goin in!

Ready or not..

Snakes

Turns out, we have snakes too. As time goes on, we discover new animals. I don't love snakes. I'm not morbidly afraid of them either. I don't think I'd want one slithering up my arm or anything but I can bear the sight of a snake. Also turns out, my husband can't. Is this not funny?

I'm not making fun, I'm not laughing AT him, simply laughing with him (when he's not looking). Ahem. Back to the subject at hand....snakes, yes snakes. We have seen one under the deck and Ivan has seen a BIGGER one when I wasn't with him. You know the guys who say they caught a fish THIS big? Yes. I'm thinking it's the same type of thing. He's quite worried about it. I know I should be more worried too, but I can't help but being amazed at how I never knew he had this phobia before. I'm quite enthralled. It's like I'm watching a show, how could I never have known snakes bothered my husband this much? If you see me grinning, hear me chuckling, just look the other way. I'm just lightly amused that it's really true, you never really know someone fully, and even when you think you do, bam. Surprise! Funny thing marriages. We have hardly been married a very long time, ten years yes but not forever, not yet. These little things come out..... so now, we're all checkin around for snakes. And now we 're hearing stories about snakes in pools or snakes in the vicinity where we live.....it's all about the snakes.

Show me a cockroach and I'm done. Literally might lose it---show me a snake and I simply turn and walk the other way. Hmmmmm---------maybe it IS me who has all the issues.....now maybe I'm learning something about MYSELF too. :)

Jenn

WORK!

Sometimes I think, you have GOT to be kidding me. GOT TO.

Am I happy at work anymore? I don't think so. There is so much politics, it's getting unbearable. Even with my own 'job share' co worker. I feel at times I'm purposely alienated. If we are "JOB SHARING" should we not know the same information at all times? At least if we know it, we can act on it if necessary. I don't want to know it so I can do something about it, I want to know it in case someone that works for us--or above us--begins a conversation about it or wants to know something of it. We each have our 'things' that we do. That has worked great and that has been fine. Suddenly there is a problem. I feel it. It's making me think and re think what will happen when I go back after maternity. Maybe it's my high emotions. Who knows. I'm just saying, I feel there is a problem. Can't really handle it right now because now is not the time. I'm telling you, the stuff at work is insane. Who you can talk to, who you can't, who knows what and who knows nothing, and even when the who knows what person knows the 'what' that person doesn't reach out and help the 'what' that can affect the 'who'. It's really too much for me these days. I've been there over eight years just barely. Is it time? Is it enough? Eight years isn't really a horribly long time yet it's felt like forever recently.

I think I've had it. These next 12 weeks will NOT be fun. Too bad.

Summer is coming..

I used to have this shirt that said, "Here comes summer!" I would get teased and teased by my brother in law when I wore it. He thought it was the funniest thing. I would get mad since I really liked the shirt. Who knows what became of that here comes summer shirt, maybe I gave it to my sister in law. I think to this day, we still laugh about that here comes summer shirt....

Noah will be moving from his comfort zone and that sparks the beginning of summer this year. I think I'll be more upset than he is. It means new friends, new games, new things to explore and learn. That is all good right? right. Keep telling me that. We could have left him where he is. We could have left him in his comfort zone. This is the best decision. Introduce him to the big bad world earlier than September 1st. Right? Uh huh. Keep telling me that.

It's getting warmer little by little which is unusual for us. Usually we just dive right in and it's hot as hades and humid too. Not this year. It's been cool; and that has been weird. Maybe that's whats making me feel out of sorts. It's almost summer and for some strange reason, it's a summer that I'm kind of dreading. But Jacob is coming and that will bring good things too. I'm fully aware of that.

All I know is--------here comes summer....!

Star Wars...

So-we have now seen all the Star Wars movies except the new one; Revenge of the Sith. Noah has become quite taken with it all and I think it has pulled some 'aggressive' tendacies out in him (more so than before). I think he is a normal little kid who has lots of 'boy' energy but when you introduce these movies and scenes with light sabors and action packed fight scenes what more can you expect?

We have decided and he has agreed, he will not see the Sith movie. He tells me he won't see it till he's 13. I think that is funny in a way. He accepts it pretty readily that it might be too violent and we think it will scare him but he's still full of wonder about it. Should we? Shouldn't we? We won't. Ivan wants to see it so we will but without Noah. One of the kids in Noah's class was taken to it with his parents and the little boy asked his mom to leave the movie halfway through. Not surprised. AND this is the kid who gets to see and do anything he wants; gets to watch anything pretty much no restrictions and has the video games etc etc.... so I KNOW Noah should not see it.

Can't believe all the hype about this movie. It's everywhere and it's hard for a little kid to not want to see it I suppose. They even have light sabor spoons that light up in a box of Apple Jacks for goodness sake. Crazy.

Parent's have the power to do or not do what they think is best for thier kids. Either we can worry about being mocked by peers/other parents or we can do what we think is best for our kids. We won't know till later if it was right or not but as Yoda might say, "Follow our instincts we must!"

Sorry buddy---no Sith movie for you. ;0)

--J

Is anybody listening because it's the birds again and I'm not making this up!

So your not gonna believe this--

I'm walking into WalMart and a baby bird falls out of his nest at my feet. He's so little he can't fly. I stand there and watch him wanting to protect him. The birds make their nest in the WalMart signs. People are walking all around him not even seeing him. Finally one lady almost steps on him and kind of scoots him in the road. I freak and she then looks down and realizes she almost stepped on him. I scoot him to a corner with my foot and the lady kind of helps me. I go right inside and go to the pet dept to see if anyone is in there and there is no one anywhere of course.

I finish up and hurry back outside and he's still there-in the same corner. I look up to the bird nests and there is no way he can make it back up there, he can't fly that good. He's all alone. I go to the manager cage thing and tell them the story and don't laugh but I felt like I was gonna cry. She comes out with me, scoops him up in a paper towel and promises she will call the SPCA to come get him. I got a big thank you and I never cried. I was proud I never cried. All I could think was what if it was Lucas?

What is the deal with me and birds and why why why did he have to fall out at MY feet? Not just in front of me a little ways, literally dropped down in front of my feet. These things just happen. I have no control. Didn't I learn that a long time ago?

--J

Change

I feel it coming. Lots of change. Change at work. Change in my personal life. Change with Noah. Change change change. Not bad; just change. Different, new things, could be good, hopefully it's good but change still.

I'm bracing for the summer, the fall, and beyond. Each day, I have lots to still deal with, and I do. Just adding to all that...

Who am I kidding? Nothing ever stays the same right? Nothing...change is good. Why are my heels digging in the ground right now then? Is the mud hitting you in the eye cause my heels are dug so deep in the ground? Some just got in MY eye....

Here we go-

BTW it never rained this week. How disappointing. I wanted the rain. They even said it would be raining this entire day. What the heck? They know nothing. It hasn't rained a drop yet. I swear, I could be a weatherman. I could. I should do it. I'd be right probably MORE than they are.

And so it goes...

Noah is growing up. It is unreal to me. The things we have all been through, the growing up both Ivan and I have done and in the meantime, we have raised this wonderful little boy.

He is so smart. I know all kids are smart. AND all parents think their kids are so smart, of course, as it should be. But I look at him, and I am just amazed. Amazed. He doesn't color perfectly, but I know he can. It's not his favorite thing and I know when not to harp (little stuff) and when to really hold his feet to the fire. If I hold them to the fire for everything, he'll feel he needs to be perfect. He's just a little boy, let him be a kid I say. Coloring outside of the lines and allowing yourself to do it, that is a wonderful thing.

Let me tell you though, Noah is exceptional in math. He is very advanced in reading. I would say without exaggerating that he reads fluently. Easily. Not just easy books, and not just easy words. He is only in Kindergarten. He constantly says to Ivan and I, "give me a math problem" and we do. Noah what is 10+7-2? He repeats it, pauses for 3-4 seconds and he spits out the right answer. Noah what is 3x5? Ok mom, that is 3 fives or 5 threes so 3x5 is 15! or any other simple multiplication.....he is on it. I can see him thinking. About lots of stuff....he wants to know what words like nonchalant mean or mom what does innocent mean? I always tell him. He will usually repeat what my definition is and then he is quiet. Tucking it away, I'm sure. His teachers very frequently are giving him and us praise. They give him extra homework every week that I think the other kids don't get to 'keep him challenged so he does not get bored'. I love that they do that and Noah absolutely eats it all up. When he acheives something, he's got this smile. It's really Ivan's smile. It's mischeivious, it's impish. I love it.

More than all that, more than the smarts with school, I love that he gets things that are emotional. He understands where his brother is. He understands I am sad about having lost Lucas. He refers to him in many ways; if he sees a butterfly, he outwardly and openly says "hey Lucas!" or he might think that Lucas is challenging him if he can't get something he'll say something to the effect of 'lucas just wants me to try harder, thanks lucas!' Our lives have been profoundly affected by having lost that sweet little boy and Noah is right there as much as he can be just sort of getting it. He usually understands that if I've disciplined him, it's for his own good. I have asked him on a few occasions, "do you understand why I turned off the television for 12 minutes?" and he will and has said, "so I will learn to do the right things not the wrong things" and he isn't upset when he says it. I'm not saying he doesn't get angry when things don't go his way--he does. No doubt. On the whole, he just gets the big stuff. It's like he's a much older kid in a little boys body. I try to remember that he is only a kid, a little one. He can't be perfect in all that he does. If we are constantly yelling at him to get it right, or do it over, it's not perfect or it's not this or that, what message would I be sending?

I don't like it when he cries. I have become accustomed to saying to him, "don't cry, you'll get a nosebleed" (which happens frequently enough for me to say it, I'm not making it up) and he will typically make himself stop. One day, I had a 'revelation' and I realized, I need to let him cry sometimes, it's human nature, he's only five, it's alright to cry. So, I have been making a concious effort to allow him to cry when it happens. It's hard. Hearing him cry really truly bothers me. Hearing a baby cry really really tears me up. Horribly. I almost can't take it. Probably comes from everything with Lucas. I'm sure it does. But the end result is, I feel the way I do. I have to force myself to change or modify my behavior for Noah. That's ok. That's more than ok.

I am proud of that little boy. He's been through a lot and I'm sure, it would be hard for one to really know it. He has rebounded nicely and progressed wonderfully. One day, I know this little boy will grow to be a wonderful man. That is the goal....

And so it goes......the cycle of life will continue won't it? I was thinking the other day, I'll be a grandmother one day and all of this that we are living will just be a memory. This little family we have, it will make for a wonderful memory and it makes me think we are so very lucky even though Lucas isn't here. I miss him so much but even the short time we had him for changed us all forever.......the person I was, I will no longer be. That person is gone. I don't think she'll ever come back. That might be half good and half bad but I have to think that at the end of the day, it's a wash.

Hugs.
Jenn

Kay-it's the birds around here.

It's not just the rooster around here.....

it's the whole package...we have these geese too. And there is this one goose that literally would not let any other goose or duck in the water. I loved to watch it. She would fly at them and bite their butts. They would fight with their necks stuck in the water and she'd be squawking the whole time. Noah and I would be playing frisbee or whatever in the back and then the goose would go bananas-just bezerk. We'd stop in our tracks and just watch. I thought the goose was definitely a female. Very bossy. Very in charge as a woman usually is. She was always alone like she was a loner. Hands down, she ruled the lake. Very intriguing. The other geese and ducks (and one heron bird too) would still try to get in; and she fought them every time. Funny. Strange. Interesting.

WELL. One day late last week, I woke up, heard the rooster and instinctively looked out back. I saw the most amazing thing. TWO geese walking together with guess what???? Baby gooselings! THAT is what she was protecting; her eggs. So then I got to thinking, is this the mamma and the dadddy and the babies all together? Do geese hang out in families? I need to know this. I will look it up on the net. At first I only saw two little very furry geese with the mom and dad. This weekend, on Sunday, I saw them again, but now there were ten of them and not just two. So ten gooselings that will grow up and come poop in our back yard. OY. They are quite adorable. So the mother was protecting the lake because her babies were there. Is that not amazing? Why didn't I catch on to that before? It was a no brainer. I apparantly preferred to think she was some A type personality goose who had sharing issues! Go figure..

So we have birds around here; roosters, geese, herons, and ducks. I continue to be amazed as I discover these great things about our new home and neighborhood. Pretty cool stuff. I love the new goose family. Love it.

Bring on the rain

I think it's going to rain later today; storm rather. The rest of the week, looks like storm and rain except for Monday. Bring it on. Let it clean everything in sight.

And I mean everything. Let it bring new things...

J

Busy Women

Why is it that women are always so busy? Always moving, never stopping, never stop thinking, always promising this or that and often over extending themselves? WHY? I think men can BE busy but not in the same way. They might have something to DO or lined up but its never the kind of busy where everything is in succession one after the other. WHY? Is it that I'm an overachiever? Is it that I'm trying to mask something else? Don't want to give myself any down time because the tears come at the first thought or memory? I don't know. I only work an average of 25-30 hours a week. My time is so full. SO full. On weeks where I work extra and I'm not home M Tues or Weds, on Thursday I feel so very overwhelmed like I've just worked 90 hours and I have to catch up with my life, the house, Noah, dinners, whatever is coming up on the weekend. I know, I know, it isn't really bad. I'm not complaining about our life, well, maybe just a little, but not really, maybe I'm more venting about how it never stops. If that's complaining, let me not try to cover that up. It's probably plainer than the nose on my face. Ivan said to me the other day, "it could always be worse" and he listed off plenty of ways and reasons it could be and it made me chuckle because he's so dang level headed. Drives me nuts. Just once, let me go off on my tangent and see where it takes me. Not around here, no wallowing in one's self pity around here, that's for sure. He's a wonderful husband and pick me up. I am so grateful for his friendship and love. Ever grateful. He keeps me on the ground.

Back to the matter at hand...I got it.....Maybe that's why I have been wanting to take a nap, it's all coming together now....I'm too busy and I need a good nap or two. Then I'll be able to enjoy the rooster and the lake more often and that will make me a happier person. There you go. I've got it all figured out. It's all about that damn rooster. I'm gonna cocka doodle his doo.

..........Yeah.

Jenn

Tired

I know some of you know what tired is. Heck, everyone knows what tired is. But truly bone tired? Do you know that? And things things things looming ahead with no let up in sight?

Now that's tired.

I'm tired..

I wish for a nap; a long nap without the phone ringing without all the thoughts racing through my head. Just peace and quiet with no guilt about what I'm not doing or who I'm not helping.

Yes. A wish for a nap. Maybe one day...

The rooster and perception

We have a rooster where we live. We do not OWN the rooster yet I hear his crows all the time. I love love love that. It makes me feel like we live in the country but we really don't. See how it's all perception? Life is perception. I swear to you, that's all it is. It's not what it is, it's what you THINK it is.

That rooster might crow in the morning, he might crow in the afternoon, personally, I think he's a little mixed up. I love it just the same. When I hear the "er er er er rooooo" I smile. Sometimes I say, "Noah, did you hear the rooster?" "Yes Mom, I heard the rooster". I also think Noah doesn't think it's as cool as I do. The 'Yes Mom' is said rather hum drum.

We have this small man made lake in the back. Across that little lake, lives a family who has this rooster. When you look over there, they have so much land around them (we are in a subdivision) they act like they live on a farm. I love that! It makes ME feel like I'm on a farm. And you know what that does to the brain? It calms it. Wierd huh? I look over there a lot. It matters not that we still live in the city because it feels different. Just like you think people take you one way because it's how you mean to portray yourself and really, you are coming across totally opposite. Perception. It's all about perception. I have to tell you, I love that little rooster, he really makes me think. But then again, these days, that's all I do. Thanks to my little angel man, Lucas tookis, just call me 'the thinker'.

J

Some Like it Hot..

I was in my office today at work and thought I smelled something abnormal; like a fire was happening nearby. I ignored it at first because my LORD let me tell you, if I had a dollar for all the times I heard a fire engine or siren or loud music or smelled something burning at work, I'd be a just a tad richer (which I am NOT) than I am now. It's just the nature of what I do; when at work, I am constantly around people's homes, apartments, and just people living their lives. It's anything goes. I hear dogs barking, kids laughing, sometimes yelling, and it is not out of the norm to hear the all important sirens or fire engines. Also lots of our communities are around single family homes and who can tell what's going on there you know? So when I smelled the fire, I have to admit, I kind of ignored it at first. I would say about 20 minutes went by and the smell started to get my attention because it seemed to be intensifying. It caused me to get up and go downstairs and ask the leasing team if they smelled something burning. They agreed they did but they had attributed it to someone burning leaves in one of the single family homes across the street. "huh" I thought. Reeally? Seems kind of strong for that but ok, I'll buy that. So up I go back to my office, trying to refocus and concentrate. More, more, more I smelled it. My nose was beginning to burn now. I get up and start feeling the walls, feeling panicked and starting to think that there must be a fire smoldering in the ceiling or walls and I will tell you that I actually was envisioning someone up in the attic setting the fire and then running. I do have quite the imagnination. The walls felt normal. Still I was getting more and more anxious because now it was a mystery and my nose was telling me something was wrong. I could SEE no fire, I could FEEL no fire but I could SMELL the fire. It was like burning wood, almost like a forrest fire. But no smoke, no obvious flames. SO I go back down and say to them, "go up in my office and tell me what you think. Is it me?" They go up and halfway up the stairs, they are ewing and awing it's much worse up there than downstairs. To add to all this, I could then begin to see a haze in my office. Real panic now.

We all three go flying downstairs and I call the Maintenance Supervisor, "James James come rescue us in the office we think we smell a fire" I was still visually joking and was trying to convey a sense of "oh it's fine" to the other girls. James tells me he is on his way. One of the girls went to the HVAC closet out back on the patio and the smell was worse in there. I decided I needed to check that out too but as I got closer to the door to open it, I had more panic literally race through me and the girls of course pulled me back. James and all of his maintenance team come running in the office all with their fire extinguishers held like they were guns in the ready position. This made me very nervous. They could find nothing and they ordered one of the leasing consultants to call the Fire Department that it could be fire in the walls and we all needed to get out. I ran upstairs, packed up all my things, got my laptop locked up and ran outside back downstairs. We are standing outside where we can smell the burning but not nearly as strongly as it could be smelled in my office or outback. Strange. Just strange.

Next thing you know, we hear the beloved sirens, here come the fire trucks. Simultaneously, the leasing team was knocking on residents' doors to get them to step outside of their homes. One of the residents walked up to me and said to me, "I can solve this real quick" I'm looking at him perplexed thinking what is he talking about? At this point I am in full panic mode, holding everything from my office I was just working on, I'm sure a crazed look in my eye. I say to him, "what are you talking about, what do you know?" He says, "I'm smoking meat in the back yard!" Huh? I guess because of my heightened state of mind and all the anxiety running through me, I was not thinking straight. I envisioned him on his back patio, sitting in a chair, literally smoking meat like a cigarette. I know the look on my face told him I was confused so he said, "you know, smoking meat in a smoker to give it the taste?" I said to him (still confused), "the taste of what?" he says, "taste of smoke!" Then it all dawns on me, he had a smoker on his back patio and he was treating the meat with a smoker. So I turn around and realize the fire trucks are coming into the court in full force WITH a fire rescue truck like an ambulance. OK. So NOW we have to tell them, "kay you can go back now, we're good, false alarm buh bye" but they hop out of the truck like ants in line and they begin to put on their gear without coming our way and they are ready to rock and roll. Suddenly people are everywhere and literally it was like a swarm of them. I had this precious info that this resident had just given me and it felt OH SO daunting to have to tell them, never mind we really DON'T need you after all. SO, I made James do it. :) If it makes you feel any better, you should know that even once they knew what the problem was they still inspected my office and went down to the neighbors home to make sure that was what we were all smelling before they left the community. Kay, thankyouverymuch I said to them. Cause really, I wasn't going back up there till at least ONE fireman checked it out. Turns out three went up there. Something to be said for triple checking...

James said to me, "better safe than sorry but Jenn!" "What?" --I'm thinking.. The panic was a team effort, it wasn't just me; was it? WAS I the driving force? I guess, as the old saying goes, "some like it hot" and I'm no different. I must say, my time with this company, all of eight years now, has provided me with many many memories. It has tested me in ways I never would have been tested were I in any other field or with any other company. Funny stories (kind of like today) and sometimes very sad stories. Nonetheless, I guess I needed a little spice or heat shall we say in my life today..... after that, nothing felt right. I think we all felt a little silly but thank goodness, there was no FIRE! Cause it always could've been a home made bomb like that one Navy guy set off many moons ago. Now THAT was a story! OY.

There was a tree
who had to pee
and then he went to get the key
then he went to the mall
then he saw someone call
and then there was a robbery
and someone called the police
and the police said I'm coming
your majesty
then the police was a flea!

the end

Poem by my son Noah.

humor me here...

Wink Wink

It's better to be hated for who you are

than

to be loved for who you are not.

;o) ;o)

Chew on that for awhile

j

Do you ever.....?

Do you ever...

say happy anniversary on the date of each month that you were married (like if you were married on the 5th then the 5th of every month, you would say happy anniversary to your 'honey')? Is that insane? Is that normal? We did it for the longest time. The longest. Then it fell away. It used to be a race for us; who would say it first in the morning. We did it on the date of our anniversary AND the date of our first date. I remember it would make me happy in a silly way to recognize that date with him. It has just dawned on me this morning that it is our pseudo anniversary again, the 5th of the month. And it dawned on me too that we don't do that silly thing anymore. Sad. Is it that we have been married officially too long? No. I don't think so. It's just one of those things that falls away I suppose. Well, so I told him right when I remembered what today was. So I won this time :). We also used to keep track of the months; like this is the 127th month we've been married. Crazy silly things that keep you young at heart. Right? I was just talking with Ivan this morning about our first times....our first date, our first kiss, the first time we sat in the moonlight at a beach, the firsts are always thrilling aren't they? If you aren't careful, they're easy to forget too. Can't forget what got you to where you are, that's for sure. Those things are like building blocks. Who ever thought a first date or a first kiss would be a building block? Funny.

Only I could think it....

Writing

Most people who know me, know I love to write. Nothing new there. Just because you love to write, doesn't make you a 'writer'. There has to be something to be said for loving it so much that it literally fuels who you are and makes you feel empowered. People express themselves in different ways; even in writing. There are some writers who convey their views, thoughts, and feelings completely differently than others. Makes the world go round no doubt.

I have said and continue to know and say that I will finish my book about our experiences with Lucas. I envision it helping other families in more than one way; certainly on an emotional level it will be enlightening and also I think it will help educate parents on things they can and cannot do and say and think and ask of Doctors. Even specialists, not to be intimidated. I hope our story will be embraced and that it will enlighten other families of children with Tetrology of Fallot or any heart condition. I will acheive that goal. Others may write better, others may express themselves differently, but our story is our story and I will finish it. I will be proud to say that I have told the story of my son, all his struggles and our family and how we came together. That is a story to tell, one that can help so many others. I wish that I had such guidance when we were going through such hard times. It's how we will give back, well, one of the ways we will give back.

I may not write eloquently, I may not pull at your heartstrings, but I will do it nonetheless. Even that thought alone, helps keep me moving forward. Lucas and his brief life with us here will not have been in vain. No way.

Aha moments and moments to make you chuckle

I was at a red light today in the car and took a look around me; no good songs on the thousands of radio stations I tried so the people watching commenced. So many people. So many different people. One guy was Mr. GQ and quite proud of it-had the shades going on, perfect hair, great tan, perfectly ironed and starched white shirt, quite the catch I suppose if you go for that stuff. Had the other guy to my right blaring the speaker system and the bass was so loud I know he had to be deaf but bless his heart, he was jammin away and lovin it, not caring who was looking-had the long blond hair that could have been washed any day now (it needed it) but man he was happy. Then there was the lady behind me on the phone putting on her lipstick and every now and then I'd see her turn around to say something to what I suppose was a child in the back seat but the whole time on the phone. We made eye contact and I knew she was a nice person, just doing too much at one time (hmm). I realized that we are all here and want the same things but maybe some of us don't know it. It's crazy really. And there I was observing like I was some kind of seersayer; and who do I think I am anyway peeking around characterizing everyone? Who knows if they were doing the same thing and what in God's name they might have said about me.....

Have you ever stopped when someone didn't expect you to like at a Wal Mart to let them pass by foot? They look at you and smile, they thought you were going to keep driving like all the other hundreds of people and one kind thing; bam. You made their day. So they pass and they wave and they have a smile on their face. How easy was that? OR you let someone in at a crazy traffic pattern even though the people behind you are losing their mind that they want to be in front of the guy in front of you in front of the next person already and they beep at you like 'why did you stop and let them in dammit?'. But you go on because you know you made someone happy and where were you going anyway there are ten thousand cars all around you and you don't suddenly have wings to fly over it all... so the guy behind you stews and stews and you can't really help him but you feel good and the guy you get in waves at you in the rear view mirror like 'thanks' ; bam. You made their day (well maybe that's a stretch but at least made their hour).

Let me end with something totally off the wall. When I was little, there was a song by Hewey Lewis and the News, "I want a new drug". My sister, Mindy, would sing it at the top of her lungs like this, "I want a new TRUCK". Maybe we were like 12 and 9 or something, I can't remember, maybe younger. Anyhow, I never forgot that and to this day, Ivan and I will get a chuckle out of it since he has enjoyed the story too. I would tease her to no end, she always thought she was right and I thought I was right. Turns out I was right. :) Flash forward to today. Noah gets home from school and starts singing this song by Kelly Clarkson, "Since You Been Gone" and he's first humming it, then breaks out into song and I'm grinning ear to ear because first of all, I realize how what I listen to is so impactful to him and they (little kids) are soaking up the words to every song you play in front of them and his little voice was just singing it out and then it hit me, (second of all) he was singing the main chorus wrong. I think it's supposed to be " Since you been gone, I can dream (or breathe --even I don't know) for the first time" and he's singing it like this, "Since you been gone, I get a treat for the first time" and I turn around and look at Ivan and we are both smiling so big because we want to laugh but it's so cute and he really thinks those are the words...just like I want a new truck. Oh funny stuff. Too funny. Maybe you had to be here but I even told him no, it's like this and Ivan said basically, no let him sing it like that. So there we were, me cooking dinner, Ivan encouraging Noah to sing it wrong, just so we all could have a good laugh and have fun. Just funny moments.

I'm really rambling now. Crazy days. Do one kind thing for a stranger and also revel in those around you. Maybe that's the answer to it all.

PS sorry minner.....it IS a funny story.

J