Do so love it

This isn't of the line I'm so fond of....but I like it nonetheless. The line I really love comes from and is made by a local artist, Chris Alexander. She must've gotten married recently because I don't remember her last name being Alexander. I'll have to check my one framed picture which has her signature on it.

Here is a picture from her line. I LOVE it; have for a long time. I love driving in Norfolk, they have these Mermaid statues all over the place, just in odd places, in front of local schools, in shopping districts, places you'd expect and places you wouldn't expect.

These are beautiful. Expensive, but beautiful. I'll take the desk stand (it's only 29.00) vs. the 10 foot tall one which costs THOUSANDS of dollars. Kay, I'll pass on that. Just like to admire them, that's all. They say that Mermaids are fun and love to frolic. Maybe that's why I like them so much.

--Jenn

snow boy

Lets try this....

Kay I'm gonna try to upload it again.

Lets see if it works. I changed my blog visually to see if this works...

What gives? It works. But I swear, I bet you, after a day or two, it won't work again. I can't figure it out. Nonetheless, there's my boy. With those rosy cheeks and big brown eyes....

Peaceful.

Look at those eyes...

I can't help it. These boys of mine have me mesmerized. It's the eyes. I swear, it's the eyes. They are so telling, so deep, so dark brown, so full of knowledge; sweet innocent knowledge...things we adults could never understand or fathom. Things we don't even know they know. Do they see the angels? Do they see the spirits of our loved ones who have gone on before us? I think they do....I'll never know for sure till the day I die, but my heart says they do....

Look at these eyes....

This is Jacob with his Auntie Psyche.

Kay. this pisses me off. It won't upload. Why does it do this to me? It works in the beginning, then it stops letting me upload. Argh. I'm going to re publish my whole blog and try again. Nothing's ever easy. Hammit.

J

Grant me sleep....

Please wish for me sleep on this Thanksgiving Eve. I've been getting no sleep. Too much going on in this wild head of mine. Literally laying there staring at the wall, or close my eyes and run through every task unfinished, everything at work, worries about things, sadness about our missing son this Holiday, wanting to finish unfinished things. I cannot sleep. Talking late into the night/early morning with my husband about life and things and just things you talk about with your best friend I guess...but normal people usually find sleep at some point--no?

Send me some count your sheep sleep in the eye dreamy floaty deep sleep will ya? I really need it. I can't take one more night or day of burning eyes. Nope.

Happy Thanksgiving to you. Kiss everyone you love.

Jenn

Holidays

It is starting to feel like the Holidays to me little by little. I can feel it. Maybe it's the weather (getting COLD) or maybe it's just that Thanksgiving is next Thursday. I can feel myself making more and more mental notes; this needs to be done and that needs to be done. Clean this, straighten that, paint this, hang that.

I really love this time of year. It's magical and wonderful and solely for the kids in a way only it can be. Of course, it's about so much more; the birth of Christ. It just blossoms into so much more. I was thinking this morning as I was in the shower (my brain goes a mile a minute when I'm in the shower does it do that to you too?) that all that I'm feeling about Thanksgiving and Christmas can easily be overshadowed by one single thought of Lucas; missing him, wishing he was here. It's hard to turn that into a positive. Really hard. Too big and too much. I will leave this thought for another time.

We will put the tree up Friday after Thanksgiving. Happy. We will be happy. Only happy.

--J

Weight

I'm doing well. Lost four pounds last week for a total of 7.2 in three weeks. I thought it was three then I thought it was four then I went back and looked and I'm on my fourth week now. I swear, I'm gonna have Alzheimers one day. You watch. Promise you'll be there for me when I fall...

anyhow back to the subject at hand----it feels good to take control of something. I'm doing sit ups too and that has to be helping.

It feels good. I'm not perfect at it but who is and with the Holidays coming, I'm trying to hang in there for as long as I can. The year after Lucas died and before I was pregnant with Jacob, I was going to Curves and I made it through the Holidays fine still on a loosing curve (no pun intended) so I should be able to swing it just fine. You know, its really hard to break a habit. In my case, eating fast food. Did you know it takes 14 days to break a habit? FOURTEEN DAYS. No wonder I thought I was gonna loose my mind those first weeks. Geez. It's hard for God's sake! But what worth working for isn't hard? You tell me!

Phew. I'm getting there. Bumps and bruises and french fries along the way but I'm getting there...

Jenn

I can do that..

I can get out my credit card and hop a flight to Paris. I could be in Paris in less than 24 hours. I COULD but I won't.
I could take a train to New York City. I could be there by tomorrow. Do some shopping. I COULD but I won't.
I could trash all my Christmas decorations that I've had for years and years. Buy all new (get out that aforementioned credit card) and have a grand old time decorating this house and do it up right. I could but I won't.

Back to the Paris thing, how wonderful would it be to just do it? We only live once. Yes. It would cost money. Oh, it would. That would be creating a bill where there previously was none. Others would think I'd lost my mind. Gone nutty. Oh, it would be so grand to let it all go and be in Paris.

Just what's stopping me? Oh yes. It's the boys. It's life. It's unrealistic. They need me, I need them. It'll never happen. I mean, I can do that but.......



---J

The D word

Noah was trying to zip his jacket to go out and play. He had a playmate over. He couldn't get the zipper. He got so mad. He finally shouted, "Mom can you help me with this DANG zipper?"! I kind of laughed inside and the little girl said, "AHHHH you said a bad WOOOORRRD....." to which Noah said, "Well at least I didn't say the OTHER D word" to which I sucked in air and said, "What might THAT word be?" (thinking he was surely gonna say "damn") and he looked at me incredulously and with such attitude and said almost with a question but not, "DUMB!?" And the little girl said it at the same time as him. I died. Just died.

I LOVE that we are still in the stage where he thinks dumb is a 'bad' word. I mean, it is in that I don't like him to use it towards anyone to hurt their feelings but he has no idea what a 'cuss' word is. If I said the word 'cuss' to him he'd ask me what that word meant so any words that ARE cuss words he's oblivious to.

So funny. So innocent. I SO love it. It will not last forever.

:)

Jenn

Everywhere you turn

There is always someone who does something better or wiser than you. On the other hand, there's always someone who does something much worse than you. It can really put things into perspective. Just thought I'd put that out there. You are the only you there is and you better be damn proud of yourself (talking to all of you) because you have acheived a LOT. Heck, even I have acheived a lot. Even when it seems really bad, just look at the next guy. Ok, fine. If the next guy has it better or does it better, don't look at him. Just look away. Fine fine fine. But remember, you've come a long way or you wouldn't be where you are today. You have different things to cherish than anyone else and so you operate differently. -------- That's alright!

NOW on to something different.

I just dropped Jaco off.. I did not cry. Not one tear. Nope. Didn't even have to hold it in. For a moment a quick moment, I thought I would but I have this thing about crying in front of someone I don't know. There is one person in that room I don't know so I wasn't having it. I'm proud of him and proud of me but missing him too. Now off to work I go. Even for a couple of hours. What a big boy. He started talking almost immediately when we got into the room. I hope he's having fun with out his wild and crazy mamma. He just thinks I'm the cats meow you know. I can make him laugh and talk like no one else. I'm sure that's soon to change. :)

--oy. Here I go in the wild blue world of change.

Jenn

Happiness

This is it.

Period.

End of story.

The big M!

You know what it is? The big yellow archs that form an M really stands for magnet. That's what it is. There is a magnet inside all McDonalds that pull you in there without you knowing it. It's calling your name everytime you drive by. Yep. The big M on top of the restaurant is a secret magnet and you are powerless against it.

Big sigh. Can fast food be addicting? I think Kelly and I (and maybe Tammy too) decided it is addicting. Dang. Well whatever. At least I write down everything I eat and count the points. A calorie is a calorie and they all add up the same BUT that little cheeseburger and medium fries sure didn't leave me as full as if I had eaten something better and now I have to be super ultra careful the rest of the day. It's SO not worth it!

Yeah, that's what it is. It's a magnet.

Jenn

And it's back...

So this is Jacob now. Finally figured out the picture thing. Some dumb setting must've been off. Who knows.

He is three months old on Wednesday. Loves to scream and screech and excirsise his voice to no ends. Something about my boys; they love to do that when they are little. Must be all the talking and singing I do to them....eh?

My heart and soul.
--J

huh?

If your feet smell and your nose runs--then you are built totally upside down.

Chomp on that for a second.

:)